What do you call yours?

As the babes are growing up and will (hopefully) start speaking soon, we are getting to the stage where we have to think about what we are going to be calling our / their bits. Their private bits.

 

Up until recently, I didn’t give it much thought. I was 100% sure what we would do. In my newly created family we would refer to them as I always have done, the same way I was brought up. A boy has a winky and a girl has a fanny. (Here in SA, and I think in the

UK

, a fanny is a vagina, I think in the States a fanny is a bum?)

 

Fannies and winkies. Boobs and bums. That was until a blog reader commented on my abuse post from a while ago, imploring me to refer to the private bits by their proper name, i.e. penis and vagina. As she said “As a former prosecutor of child abuse cases, my best advice (that you haven't gotten yet) is that you teach your children the proper names for the private parts rather than nicknames. It is much stronger if the child ever has to tell what happened to them.” This left quite an impression on me.

 

Now I am not so sure what I should do. Using penis and vagina seems so removed, so clinical. It has  connotations of cold, clinical, hidden, distance, unnatural, to me at least. I would prefer for my children to think of their private bits as part of who they are, private, but natural.

 

I obviously want to do what is best for them, but I also don’t want to parent for the exception, for the 1% possibility of something bad happening. It is the same thinking I have towards nudity and your nude body. It is private, it is yours only, but it is also natural, beautiful and nothing you need to be ashamed about.

 

I am interested in hearing your views, your experiences. How do you refer to your private bits? What naming conventions do you use in your family and is it different to how you were brought up?

 

Comments

[Egg Donor]

When I was little, our parents taught us the right words. We didn't understand, though. We both thought it was "peanuts" and "bagina" for a long time.

I was also surprised to learn that "bagina" was not the whole region, but a specific part.

[Jayne]

My husband and I were recently discussing this issue as we have an infant daughter. When I was a nanny, many years ago, the two children had names for them, the girls' was China and the boys' was Wenis. Not "politically correct", but suitable while they were still young.
Plus, I think it's okay to give them nicknames when they're younger, they will learn the proper names when it's time.

[toni]

I used both. We use the words vagina and penis- but also 'hoo-hoo' for vag and a boy has a penis or a 'ding-ding' - just kind of silly and fun.

I also like the English term 'willie'.

For crying out loud - you gotta have some fun! I think as long as the kids know the correct terminology and its meaning (and not to be ashamed about talking about them) you can let the winkie and fanny fly.
( T- You big hoo-hoo!)

toni

[Rosemary Grace]

Use the nicknames most often. But also explain the "right" name, kids are smart enough to understand a thing (or a person) having multiple names. I'm sure they'll understand that they are "Adam" and "Kate" but also whatever nicknames you use.

My parents used "botty" for the female area, I can't remember if there was a nickname for the male parts, I only had a sister.

[Egg Donor]

Oh, BTW - I appreciate the prosecutor's argument. However, when I went to the police after I finally talked with my parent's about my abuse, the officers had dolls and things for me to use to show what happened. I didn't have to use any words and I'm sure I didn't (and would have been mortified if I had to). Maybe if I had gone to court I would have had to have used the terms, but at that point the child has to be coached anyway because no abused kid is going to want to name bits. (I DIDN"T go to court. fuckers, but that's a different story). If, god forbid, something DID happen, I think court time would be a fine time to learn the proper words if you don't start with them. At that point, it wouldbe the least of the things they have to deal with. Knowing the right terms isn't going to stop you from being abused.

[esther]

We have used the proper terms from the get go. This is your elbow, your shoulder, your penis, your vagina, etc. It worked for us. I am a nurse, so that may be where my comfort with using the proper names comes from, though my husband was always adamant that he didn't want to use "cute" words.

I also think always using the proper words helped my daughter when she took her 5th grade health class...all the girls were giggly when the proper terms were used, but she was completely unimpressed.

That said, there are days when I long for a little more modesty (or something)...like when my 6 year old says, very matter of factly, "mom, I need to take a shower, I have a ton of smegma under my foreskin!"

[Jennifer]

Our girls know that they're called vaginas and will sometimes use that name, but they frequently use the generic term "bottom." If one says, "My bottom itches," my husband or I will ask, "Do you mean your vagina or where your poop comes out?" I always feel slightly self-conscious and formal when I use the words "penis" or "vagina" out loud, but then again I tend to be offended by words like "boobs" because I think that they make something that is normal and healthy sound like something goofy and embarrassing. I want my kids to believe that their bodies are something to respect. I think that our opinions of such things are largely shaped by our upbringing and that there are many acceptable choices. Do what feels right to you.

[MsShad]

Having worked with small children who had been abused, and having to be there for them when they told/testified, it's pretty common practice for the officials to establish how the child refers to the body parts, and then to use the childs terms in order to make them feel more comfortable.

Or more likely, they will use dolls and demonstrate "where did the bad guy touch you?". Sometimes the child will point and say "In my coochie", or just simply point cause that's easier and the adults then follow their lead.

If the child wants to call it the Big Purple Snake, it's respected by the officials.

That's in a good world, when the grown-ups have been trained to accommendate the child.

[Orange]

I have no idea what words we used when I was a kid, but there was a boy in my mom's neighborhood (when she was a kid herself) who would give "dinkle shows" for a nickel.

My son knows his parts as penis, scrotum, foreskin, and balls/testicles, and he hears that girls and women have vaginas in lieu of penises. (It took him a while to grasp that women's pubic hair is not called a penis!) But we all possess a butt/buttcrack/butthole, rather than bottom or anus.

[Orange]

Oh! Now I remember. My cousin and his wife have three little kids, and they've taught these poor benighted souls to call the penis a "doodle." What the hell happens when a teacher tells one of the kids to "quit doodling"?

[Amy]

I think the words you use are far less important than your comfort level in speaking them. If you are using nicknames to cover your embarrassment at speaking the worlds penis and scrotum or vulva and vagina out loud than you should practice with the correct words until any hint of embarrassment fades away. Sometimes I think it is as important an exercise for the parents as for the children. Speak them with confidence and without embarrassment and make sure your children are comfortable doing the same. Abusers shame and embarrass and count on shame and embarrassment to help keep their secrets. If you can help them build that confidence and sense of ownership of their bodies you will be doing them a great service no matter what words you choose to use.

[Jillian]

I've already decided that my son will call grow up hearing his bits called 'junk'. That's what I call it when referring to my husband's or son's. I think it might be funny when he does eventually start calling it his junk. We'll still use butt/butthole/butt crack too... and I think that girls could have junk the same as boys. Although I've heard women refer to their bits as cookie jars.. I wouldn't suggest that for children. :-)

[Rebekah]

I agree with Rosemary Grace. I think kids should definitely be taught the proper name for their genitals, but also given nicknames if mom and dad aren't comfortable with calling them that.

I grew up calling it a penis and a vagina. But I also remember not knowing what a friend of mine was talking about when she said "pussy" and asking my mom what it meant.

A funny story in my family is when my older brother went with his class to see E.T. in the movie theatre. There is a part where Drew Barrymore calls her brother "Penis breath," and my brother yells "PENIS BREATH?!?!" in the theatre! None of the other kids knew what it was, and his teacher was mortified, LOL.

I'm sure, like most parenting, this is going to be a personal choice. Good Luck!

[Ute]

Well, I have to admit that it never occurred to me to call a penis and vagina anything other than just that. It's "Scheide" vor vagina, and "Penis" for penis in German, so that's what I'll teach my children. For them, that's just as strange a word as any other, I guess.

[-Blue]

We use 'willy' and 'cootchie', 'bum', 'bumhole', etc, but my 4-year-old (boy) and almost-3-year-old (girl) already know the proper terms 'penis', 'testicles', and 'vulva'. (I'll explain my girls' more complex parts to them when they get a year or so older)

We chose the nicknames early on because we felt that folks would be less offended if a small child suddenly sang out, in the middle of the Wal Mart: "MOM, my willy itches!" And yes, Boy has done that very thing.

*cringe*

[Amy]

How timely...I just changed my daughter's diaper prior to her nap and she was talking about her butt. My mom is a nurse so we always called it a vagina - just like we called poop a BM (bowl movement) but funny enough we called urine pee. Hmmm... Anyway, seeing as how I only have sisters I can only assume that we would have called a penis a penis as my sisters do with their sons. We are currently awaiting a referral from Korea which will be a boy so I'll call his penis a penis.

My husband cringes whenever daughter and I talk about the vagina. But it is what it is so that's what we call it. He calls the whole nether-regions "the deal". Boys are so funny...

[Brandy]

We use nicknames. I will tell them the correct names when they are older. We have twin boys so we call them "pee-pee". Dylan is getting to the point where I need to start giving names for my parts, so we are working on that. Not sure yet what we will call the rest.

[Jill]

I am a mom of twin boys. We use simple names for the body parts, something they can say right now and be understood. I am in law enforcement and do investigate sex offences against children. It is pretty common practice in Canada for the police to establish how the child refers to the body parts, and use the child's words in order to make them feel more comfortable. The courts here understand, the judges understand and the jury understands. So long as they are able to point either to a doll or themselves and make the connection between body part and name they use.

[d]

VULVA! I grew up with my brother having a penis and me having a vagina and lifelong classification problem, cause guess what - the vagina ain't all I've got! I've got all sorts of other bits down there! With my kids it's "bottom" when we're generic, and Vulva for the general girl stuff, Penis and Balls for the general boy stuff, and then all sorts of gnarly detail when they ask about it or as they get old enough to hear about it. I'm a big pusher for the word VULVA!

[Lena]

Over here it's woo-hoo and bootie.

Growing up it was front and back. Hahahaha. That didn't seem quite specific enough for me!

But, now you have me thinking. I have recently answered questions about boys and have referred to it as a penis. So, maybe I should use the more formal names for everything?

I think I have more questions than answers myself Tertia. LOL :)

[cursingmama]

we did the correct names - and when they got a little older (old enough to understand) we eased into the common slang for most conversation. I, being a totally mature dip, laugh at all the names though.

[Meg]

We're a penis and vagina family here too. I tried to use the more general (and correct) vulva when my daughter was little - but she went around telling everyone that we drove a Silver Vulva - you know, the Swedish made, ultra-safe boxy cars? I quickly changed to vagina after that. She uses both vagina and bottom interchangably.

I tried to use 'breasts' as well, but i really hate saying words with the 'sts' ending. So they're just boobies now. Much easier to say.

[Linda]

My twins are 21 months. We're using "girl parts" and "boy parts" right now, but will teach them vagina, labia, breast, penis, scrotum, etc when they're a bit older. It never occurred to me to call them anything other than what they are, just like I wouldn't make up another word for hand or eye.

[DD]

If you decide to use the real names instead of nicknames, vulva is more appropriate than vagina for Kate's bits as it is inclusive to the external parts.

I don't have a girl, but I would hope I could follow the same guidelines we use for our boy: penis and scrotum.

Your children will only think these names would have a giggle factor if you think they have a giggle factor. Why are we so embarrassed to use the biological names for our body parts anyway? It shouldn't be a stigma we pass onto our children.

[Kel]

Whatever works for you is what you should do and you may start out in one direction and then adjust (like most things with kids, yes?).

We do both: 4 yr old son has a penis (haven't gotten beyond that to the other bits) and "boy parts" (as in "did you just hurt your boy parts when you slipped getting into the tub?"). And anus is a generic "bottom".

I'm in agreement that a penis should be as respected linguistically as an elbow or a knee.

I think we'll do the same for girls (right now its "girl parts" as we are changing them) and I like that you can just start with vulva (which is kind of musical really and expand to vagina and such).

There are ramifications for this... my son's pre-school teacher took my partner aside one afternoon while picking him and said that N had been dancing along his own made up song, obviously entitled, "I have a penis, I have a penis...".

We explained then (to him) that there are certain words you use all the time and certain words that are more private.

This has been important because he's at that age where language is becoming very powerful (the word "poop" has magical qualities, don't you know). And he knows he isn't supposed to use "bad" words at school (like "poop" or "poopoohead"), but with twin infant girls in the house, "poop" and its various sizes, consistencies, and timings is often part of the conversation between my partner and myself. So we've had to have that specific conversation ("Poop" is okay to say when you are in the house, but we don't use that word at school and we never call anyone...").

He was absolutely mystified upon learning that I do not have a penis. "But Mommy, everyone has a penis."

Kel

[Tine]

When my two sisters and I were kids, our parents never gave us ANY words for our private parts. I found this supremely annoying as I came across the many slang and anatomical terms and was mystified by them. I always had to pretend I knew what people were talking about until I surreptitiously figured it out. Or alternatively, I was oblivious and looked like a complete idiot.

As an adult, I use both funny/cute terms and proper terms, depending on the situation. But with DS (almost 3 yrs. old), I always use penis, scrotum, breasts, etc. Each part has its own specific name, and I figure giving him the proper language to identify the parts of his body will serve him better in the long run than slang, which is often vague, can be easily misunderstood, or is sometimes offensive. The "clinical" terms don't sound clinical to him--that's adult baggage he, thankfully, isn't burdened with. He'll pick up (or invent) his own slang along the way...he doesn't need my help with that.

[Chrissy]

At the moment the kids i nanny for have a bit-bot (girl) and bollo's (boy), and they just use butt (bottom), i'm not sure if they know the correct words, but i'm sure they'll figure it out, they also bath together so they know that girls and boys are different. They also know that babies come out of mummy's special place, but that they came out of mummy's scar (c-section) which they ask to see all the time :)

[jewelly]

I didn't have a chance to read the other comments, so apologies if this is repetitive. I think that by calling penises and vaginas by their proper names, we *are* teaching kids that these parts are nothing to be ashamed of. That is, I think that its the act of nicknaming them makes them silly and different from our other body parts and is suspiciously Puritan in that way... why call it something else if what it's called and what it is are two perfectly acceptable things?

Am loving the new blog design!

[Allie]

We call our private area our penis, vagina or bum. I used to work for the criminal justice system and am very aware of the possibility of someone touching one of my children inappropriately. I want them to be able to tell me what happened with the correct terminology so there is no question as to what was touched, etc. They know that their penis or vagina is private and that no one is allowed to touch it, except mummy or daddy if we are changing their diaper or helping them take a bath.

[giddy]

In general, I am all for using the proper names---except for one thing....I don't really like using the term "vagina" when in fact you are not usually referring to the vagina proper. Most of the time you are referring to labia/vulva or just the genital area in general! Whereas for boys, the penis IS the most prominent feature of the genital area, it's not so simple with girls!

However, for lack of a better alternative, we've more or less gone with "vagina" or "front area" with our daughter. I was amused to learn that some people call the genital area a "front bottom" because really, it does look like a little bum. But I think it's confusing, too, that some people just call the whole thing bottom--to me, the bottom is the derriere. (And yes, fanny=bum=butt etc. here in the States.) I took the opportunity when she had a bit of a yeast rash (from not wiping properly) to get out a mirror and show her all the specific parts and tell her their names as well....

[Kay]

Jake has a "peeper". Not sure what Anna Kathryn will have - although Jake knows that boys have peepers and girls don't.

[Rebekah]

I'm pretty sure my parents used the "proper" names for everything. Ultimately, we will too but for right now we're calling both girl and boy parts "privates" or "private parts" (my son is still pretty young.) I am NOT prudish, but I have to admit that it will be MUCH harder for me to teach/say vagina to my son than it has been to tell him he has a penis. Love my body, but hate the word. Go figure.

Also, my husband loves to tell the story about when Fanny Packs were all the rave here in the US (in the 80's, I think?). For obvious reasons, the Brits and I'd assume those in South Africa were just HORRIFIED at the name, especially b/c they were worn in FRONT at the waist. LOL!

[Rebekah]

P.S. I remember a family friend who called a vagina a "front bottom". LOL! For what it's worth, other favorite nicknames (not what we use with my son or will teach him) are hoo-ha, bits'n'pieces, twig'n'berries. O.k., I'm getting carried away here. ;)

[Judy]

We use the standard "penis" and "vagina", but the vagina part hasn't come up yet (we have only boys). They only care that they have one and mommy doesn't. We also talk about them as "private parts"...my kindergartener knows that "penis" is not something he needs to be saying in school, so he usually calls it his private parts.

I think you do what is best for your family - if you want to call Adam's Mr. Happy and Kate's the Abyss, go ahead.

[Eric Jacksch]

I use the correct names with our daughter, both from an educational and a practical point of view: If she uses the correct terminology at school she's less likely to get into trouble for it. I've also noticed that it isn't the kids that find using the correct names uncomfortable...

[Em]

The problem with the names for the girl parts (that they use) is that they aren't said easily. My 4 year old knows she has a vagina and her brother has a penis and that is what makes them a girl vs boy. She knows that the vagina is where a baby will come out of "after college" but other than knowing that, she doesn't have much use for the word vagina. I do agree with using proper terms but I don't know a 4 year old who can say "urethra" and with kids, talking about that area, most of the time, it is in the context of toileting. Generally, anything that is covered by the underwear in our house is your private area and we've discussed what's private and why. And more specifically, she's taken to just calling it "the poop side" and "the pee side" or "where the poop/pee comes out". Its much easier to be specific with my son because its all more obvious, you know?

I would like to say, I think in cases of abuse, a good reason to want your children to know the proper words isn't so much for the police but so that if your child goes to a teacher and says "the janitor touched my twig", there isn't any confusion over what happened. If the name is too cutesy or too non specific, an adult may not understand that the child is trying to report an act of abuse. If a child says "the janitor just touched my penis" there is no doubt what just occurred and it will get the attention it needs, maybe especially because those words still make people a little uncomfortable. You can be half listening to your child but if you all of a sudden hear the word penis you certainly stop and listen and back the train up to find out what you missed, you know?

[Andrea]

Penis and testicles for boy parts, "bottom" for girl parts, bum for rear. I have a hard time with vagina because it isn't all the vagina, so if you're trying to call parts by their proper medical names then you really aren't accomplishing that by calling the whole kit and kaboodle "vagina". And since asking my daughter if it's her vagina, vulva, labia minora, labia minora, urethera, or perinium (taint) that hurts seems overkill, we'll stick with "bottom".

[Nicole]

Echoing other commenters to say that penis and vagina will only seem cold and unnatural if you think they are that. I think the only reason people feel uncomfortable with those terms is a lack of familiarity, e.g. you didn't hear them growing up so they are foreign (so to speak). But they are never-the-less proper terms for body organs and nothing to feel weird about.

That said, I don't think there is anything wrong with nicknames as long as you also let them know the correct names as well. Let's face it, when most people have a gastro-intestinal bug they simply say, 'I've got a stomach bug' or 'My tummy hurts' and there is nothing wrong with that. Likewise, if they say 'my intestines are aggravated and inflammed' there is nothing wrong with that either. It is just a matter of getting more specific. Nicknames are usually more general.

It is fascinating though how we impart all sorts of sentiments and feelings to certain words. For example I learned early on that 'dick' was a "bad" word. But I have an Uncle Dick, and I still cringe everytime I have to say his name even though there is clearly nothing inherently "dirty" about the name Dick. Another big one for many people in the US is butt. These days butt is often used in a negative way (to call someone names "butthead" or to threaten harm "kick your butt"). So much so that I have several friends who abhor the word and are shocked when my children use it appropriately to name their rear-end. Lately I've started informing people (especially my children) that butt is in fact an abbreviated term for "buttocks". There isn't anything nasty, mean, or dirty about it when used correctly.

Anyway - sorry for rambling. I'll step down off my soapbox now.

[Chris]

Not that you really need any more opinions but at my house (we have a 2.5 yr old girl and another baby on ehe way), we have always referred that the private area as girly parts. Without being told when she saw Daddy using the bathroom she said he has boy parts so I think she knows the difference on a basic level and at her age-that's good enough for me!

[Kristine]

We decided to go with the technical words, so taught our son penis. I have yet to be brave enough to use the word vagina with him. Until a few weeks ago his penis was his peanuts, which was just fine with me. Imagine my suprise when he told me "boys have penis and girls have tuckus (Jewish grandma's (bubbies) word for rearend)." Apparently he and Dad have been talking at bathtime. Imagine Bubbies surprise when he spend 10 minutes trying to get her to understand that too.

This morning he told me "boys have penis...I have penis...Daddy have BIGGGGG penis....I have little penis." He's a freaking genious!

[Jenn]

I think you need to go with what is most comfortable for you, especially if it is a cultural thing that most of their peers will also be referring to them by the same name. I do think they should at least be aware of the proper terms. I plan to use the proper terms, but I don't know what to do about the vagina/vulva issue.

[andrea]

Fanny, Doodle, Bum and Boobs here - but I have taught them the "proper" names as well.

[mandy]

We will probably use the proper words, which is what I grew up using. I think you should go with what you are comfortable with. If the real names sound weird to you, then your children will pick up on that. For me, the real names sound natural and it would be difficult for me to use nicknames. I say don't parent for the remote possibility your children will ever be abused; sounds like that would just lead to weird feelings all around. You seem to have a fun, laid-back approach to things and that's what you want to teach your children!

[Dana]

I have never understood why people feel the need to give certain parts of their bodies nicknames. I don't think I've ever heard anyone refer to their knee as, say, their nay-nay or their neck as their pookie, but for whatever reason the whole ding-dong world has this fear of sayign penis and vagina. People feel more comfortable having a wee-wee or a pee-pee or a winky or a johnson, or they have a Ginny-Mae or a cootchie or a hootchie or a fanny or a Virginia. It's just plain silly.

My mother never called anything by any name other than what it was, and lo and behold, I actually grew up to have a healthy view of bodies AND of privacy. Who'd have thunk it.

My kids are learning that they have a knee and a neck and a penis or vagina. Seems to make sense to me.

[blackbird]

I think we called a penis a pee-pee when they were very little, but quickly graduated to penis.
As the only woman in the house, I don't think we had any special names for a vagina - it wasn't discussed much (and we have a pretty open household naked-wise).

[colleen]

Here in the Uk most kids would say "my privates" .Most families will use a silly funny name like "todger" (penis) and fairy (vagina).I dont think theres anything wrong with that at all.If your little ones were having a mad half hour doing a streak round the house would Dad say "Kate,cover your vagina up,Adam put your penis away" I think its ok to have a family name and also know the correct name .

[bec (and Charlotte)]

Girls have 'girls bits' and boys have 'boys bits' though Charlotte also calls a penis a buddy. She knows the correct words but these are (in my books) just easier to use.

[Gretchen]

Use the proper names here. That's how I was taught growing up, so I don't have any nick names. Oh, but we do call breasts boobs!!! Hubs and I never had a discussion about it.

[Rob]

Funny story from a friend who uses correct anatomical terms with their daughter. He took his daughter to the toilet at the airport, and after she had finished he proceeded to have a pee, at which point she asked loudly "What are you doing with your penis, Daddy?". He was mortified.

[Gretchen]

**UPDATE** Like I said before, hubs and I never discussed this subject, never thought about it.i just asked him if he calls a penis some other name in front of our son. He replied, "Yeah, peeper, but he corrects me and says no, it's a penis daddy!" LOL Gotta work on those communication skills over here!!!

[Orange]

My final recommendation, Tertia: Boys have a doodle, girls have a cooter. And before they hit puberty, it's a bald doodle and a bald cooter, right?

[Kez]

Brother had a "doodle" when I was a kid. I think we just referred to my parts as a "bottom". So grew up a bit uncomfortable with the proper terms. Luckily husband, who has always been a bit squeamish, has started using "penis" when referring to Alexander at nappy change time, and that has made me more comfortable, and I have begun using it too, and already it's easier. It means that when I am talking to health care professionals about Alexander I am comfortable, and don't look silly saying "winkie" or whatever.

That said, brother-in-law refers to his son's penis as "John Thomas" for some bizarre reason. It has been shortened to just "Thomas" and we have found when we are changing Alexander and tucking his penis down, we tend to sing out "Thomas down!" This was a bit embarrassing when I changed him in the hospital in front of a friend who had a son called Thomas.

Alexander will know the proper names, but in general conversation we'll probably use a nickname. I will have to get out of the habit of using Thomas though as I think it is a bit obscure, and, God forbid, if he ever needs to tell someone about inappropriate touching I think it needs to be a little bit clearer. However, I don't think it needs to be "penis". If he told an adult that someone had touched his "willie" or "doodle" or "pee-pee" I'm sure they'd understand what he was talking about.

NO idea what to use for a girl. Hate the word vagina, gets shortened to "vag" in this household, which is crude. Again though, hubby is making an effort and it's helping me. For 15 years, my period has always been "that time of the month" but all of a sudden it's referred to by it's proper term. I have even been able to refer to it as that with my mother for the first time ever.

Don't really want to use vagina with a girl because it's not really representative of the external parts, but don't think vulva covers it all either. So I don't know. There will be a nickname, but I don't know what that should be either. I don't mind "fanny", but it's a bit offensive here in Australia to anyone but my mother-in-law, who once told me I "was sitting on a goldmine - I could make a fortune selling my fanny". Yeah. Anyway.

Once knew a girl in her late teems from a traditional society (that was a bit squeamish) who referred to her bits as "my in-between". Cute, but a bit obscure.

Actually, "bits" might work. It covers all the bits, so to speak and I think most people would get "bottom bits". Oh, I dunno. Thinking about it, if Alexander had to talk to someone about his genitals, I would feel better if he used the proper term. Just confused about a girl. Then there's always "genitals", too. That covers everything.

[meg]

Around here it is Penis and Vagina. That seemed the easiest and you get used to it pretty quick. He talks about his penis in the same way he talks about his elbow...no big deal (although I admit to being a little taken aback when he asked "What's this" and I could not for the life of me think of the word scrotum...all I could think of was "don't say balls!") Since I don't have these parts, I asked my husband and this is what he was the most comfortable with as well. To be honest, if he is going to talk about it/yell it in the grocery store I would just as soon prefer that he use the real terms than something else. It's not like people wouldn't know what he is refering to anyway. You get some funny looks from the older generation, though, as if saying vagina at the dinner table is any worse than saying hoo-hah or tokey.

I don't have girls, only boys, so vagina pretty much covers it for now. I don't feel like they need more detail than that, since they aren't looking at one close up. If I had a girl, I would probably go into more detail with her as she asked.
OH, and in case it comes up, we go with "breast" as well. My son wanted to know what "these" were (his) and when I told him "nipples" he wanted to know what they were for. I'm still not sure what to tell him.

[jenny]

What ever you do, don't use a human name or real word if you aren't going to use the proper terms. My mom called a penis a "dougy" (like the name Doug with an 'e' on the end). Everytime my brothers met a kid named Doug they would laugh there little asses off.

[Laura]

My mom is a nurse so from a young age we knew the proper names for our body parts, bodily functions and about sex and menstruation. It was a little icky to have my mom ask us if we had had a bowel movement recently when we complained of a stomach ache, but it was also reassuring that we knew what was going on and were familiar with our body parts. It also made my brother and I a lot less icked out when we had sex ed in class. I don't use nicknames for my other body parts, so why should my vagina, breasts and anus be any different? Of course I hate the way the word anus sounds, but that is my deal.

My husband keeps threatening to call his penis Otis. As in "O-Tis feels so good!" I told him if he does I will divorce him.

[Tessy]

I've always used the proper names with my kids. They're 3.5 years and 14 months (1 boy and 1 girl). I don't make up nicknames for other body parts, so why for those? Kids don't associate the terms as being "clinical" or anything because they don't know the difference. If you just act like it's no big deal, a penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina, then it IS no big deal.

[Lisa]

My baby knows she has a toot toot and a booty down there. The guys will be a weiner probably. I dont like the clinical names and I dont see the purpose in saying a toot or a vagina? They will now what it is as long as you teach them this is your _ and this is your _. Thats just my two cents.

[JennyK]

We use the generic "privates" for boys & girls, but we do differentiate that girls have vaginas for privates and boys have penises for privates. This way they know the proper terms, but I don't have to use the specifics at all times (like when potty training). We call the bum a tush in our house. There's just something wrong about hearing the word "butt" come out of a tiny mouth.

[RainbowW]

in my family, when i was growing up, it depended on who was talking. with my dad, his was wilbur. mine is still jimmy.

my wife's is henrietta. (her fairy tattoo is celeste.)

oh.

uhm.

we're doing the combo proper and slang terms. we don't want them to be as mistified as i was the first time i heard the term "boner" to refer to an erection, but we also don't think that they always need to be clinical, because there can be humor there too. ("willy wonka" cracks me up.)

[Suzie-Q.]

My mother and grandmother called their breasts their "bust" and we had no other words for any other body parts boy or girl except for "tush" and "behind".
With one year old boy/girl twins i have no idea what to do when the time comes!
I would like to use the correct words, but, would be embarassed if my kids used them in public isn't that crazy?
Tertia, please let us know what you decide.

[Julia S]

My sister-in-law is a nurse practioner at a children's hospital and once treated a girl who had been brought in following a molestation charge. Her mother told the medical team, "Someone touched her cookie-box." Now, HONESTLY, "cookie box"? We say penis and bottom. Vaginas have not come up yet in conversation. Vagina is sort of a hard word to say, isn't it? Vagina. Yep. I giggled.

[AussieAndrea]

You could always use cheeseburger.
http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/12_31_2003.html

[kristin]

T- I was a nanny for a Prosecuting Attorney here in the U.S before I was a mom. He and his wife said they expected their children to use the proper terms and gave me the same advice you received... always use the correct terms for the same reason stated by you reader. And that is exactly what I have done with my six year old daughter and will do with my twin toddlers as well. Yes, there have been some funny and embarrassing moments along the way, ( like when my daughter would ask out loud in the store if a fellow customer had a penis or vagina!) but feel good about our decision and our ability to talk about safety issues with our kids. It was also very helpful when my daughter slipped on the playground bars at school and somehow lacerated the inner part of her vagina. Her pediatrician almost had to stitch the cut but was able to use silver nitrate to stop the bleeding and keep the wound from re-opening and getting infected. The pediatrician was very impressed that my daughter understood that it was only ok for the dr. to examine her because I was with her and that my daughter used proper terms. Her teachers and caregivers echoed the same sentiment when she returned to school the following day with a doctor's note saying my daughter might be concerned about some blood in her underwear and a sore vagina for the next days. You'll get used to it, too Tertian and you will send the appropriate message that your children's bits are their own and not something to joke about. Good luck! Kristin

[Christine K]

Josh has a winky - had to laugh that it's used in South Africa too. He's only got one testicle, and it was never really noticed too much until about a year ago when he was in the bathtub and suddenly sat up and said, "Mama! Look! I have a mountain!". He called it that a few times after and hasn't really mentioned it since.

Anne's still only 7 months old and as far as Josh is concerned, she just doesn't have a winky - poor thing. He checks every so often to be sure she still hasn't gotten one. We haven't talked about what she's got or how we'll refer to it. My guess is "girl parts".

When I was in practice, I generally just referred to them as "girl parts" or "boy parts". It's kind of funny after seeing so many people say they're nurses or their parents were nurses and they use proper terms. Yet, as a pediatrician, I always felt like I needed to go more neutral with the parts phrases instead of proper terms - kind of toeing the line between the cookie-boxes and the vagina/vulvas and trying not to offend or freak out either group. Although there were a few referrals to "franks and beans" I have to admit with a few of my more funny patients.

My favorite story from med school was as a third year student I had to do a pelvic on a 74 year old lady. She was a hoot! She had flowered tennis shoes, a huge flowery hat and was there to be tested "for everything" because she had a gentleman friend she played cards with, but "you know how they are - only interested in your cooter!". I barely made it out of the room without laughing.

And I'm dying about fanny over there!! I know you guys have your own Olympics coverage but during ALL of the pairs skating, Dick Button kept talking about whether or not the women "stuck their fanny out" during the entrance to the death spiral. Gives a whole new image when I find out what it means to you guys! (although the women last night did some weird spin move that did seem to really stick their "fannies" out, as the hubby kept pointing out to me and laughing).

I guess I've rambled enough. Go with what you're comfortable with and just be sure they know what the real terms are also.

[Liz]

Our son is 5 now, when he was little, first starting learn words and such, we taught him to call it "willie". Now he is older, he knows it's penis. We haven't got the girl part yet, as our daughter is only 16-month.
Wait, I think I'm getting a little bit of girl part. My son doesn't understand girls don't have penis, so i have to keep telling him girls have vagina, not penis. I like to call them what they are, I think for the same reason the former prosecutor said. I remember someone told me the exact same thing.
Here is a good example, at my son's pre-school (he was 3). There was a kid kept touching another boy's private part. But that second boy's parents didn't teach him the proper name, but rather a nickname,and it wasn't even a common nickname. So he kept telling the teacher that the other boy is touching his "whatever nickname". But the teacher couldn't understand what he was saying, not until the mom came in and complained. Bit it wasn't exactly the teacher's fault, if the mom has taught him the proper name, things like that would not have happened.

[Izabela]

Oh, for goodness sake. Sure, penis and vagina sound strong in court, because they are associated with adult sexual functioning. Are we all supposed to prepare our children for an aftermath of sexual assault? I'd rather not. Little kiddies shouldn't be mixed up with sex. Therefore willie and fanny they have, not penis and vagina.
In fact, I just had a bottom as a little girl. And no clue that there is more than one bit of it. Didn't miss the knowledge. As I grew up, I acquired the info somehow over time, and all the right names for the right bits.
But why should a 2-year-old know about a vagina? Nobody is rabid about teaching them about heart, intestines, lungs, etc, and they have much more use for them at their age.
Let's not overdo that political correctness.

[BeenThere]

My dad referred to both female and male external genitalia as "gitch". "He got kicked in the gitch." "Cover your gitch." "Her dress was so short you could almost see her gitch."

My husband was and is adamant with his boys, my now grown stepsons, and with our son, that we use penis, vagina, anus, etc., and I've gotten used to it and seems to work in our home, although all the guys in our home refer to testicles as "balls" and in a home with 4 guys you hear about "balls" on a daily basis.

As long as at a fairly young age they know what the cutesy names actually translate to I'd think it doesn't make much of a difference.

My girlfriend in the UK and her 2 daugther's refer to thier privitalia as "minnies" and growing up in the UK "willie" was the standard for male junk.

[L.]

Because my kids went to public daycare in Japan, we use the Japanese word "cute" for penis --- "chin-chin." Funny, there doesn`t seem to be a "cute" word for "vagina" in their male-centered culture, so my daughter just starting calling hers her "girl chin-chin," or "girl place." The kids know "penis" and "vagina" in English. Now they`re old enough to know not to talk about "private" things all the time.

I`ve never minded cute nicknames for body parts, bodily functions, people or pets -- it depends on who`s using them, and the context. If the words are intended to hide some secret shame, then yes, I get uncomfortable and think clinical words would be better. Cute is relative, I guess.

But in our family, other body parts DO have nicknames -- my kids toes are their "piggies." The fine hair on my daughter`s back is her "bunny fur."

[heather]

Tertia, I think that to a lot of people, 'penis' and 'vagina' are clinical sounding, but especially to those who have undergone ART or anything to do with 'down there', those terms are especially so.

However, I believe if you use the 'proper' terms when talking to your children, they will grow up understanding those terms which seem so clinical to you, are just as personal and integrated into who they are, as 'fanny' etc.

What I'm saying is, your experience with the clinical terms won't necessarily transfer to your children's associations with the terms. At least that's what I'd imagine.

Ideally I'd like to use 'penis' and 'vagina' around my baby, but when the time comes, how will I be able to resist 'hee hee' and 'hoo hoo' instead? ;)

[heather]

oh, and i must also mention that i may be a bit biased about using the 'correct' terms because i saw and read the vagina monologues, and LOVED it. especially the part where the whole audience choruses 'VAGINA! VAGINA!' and 'CLITORIS!' hehe. empowering!

[queermom]

I feel rather strongly that kids should be taught the proper name for their genitals. It definitely goes along with the whole 'it's part of my body and nothing to be ashamed of'. My 2 year old son uses the word penis but hasn't noticed anything about his moms having something else. The nurses here always teach new parents to use vulva, instead of vagina, since that is what we're actually talking about.
My son was recently asking himself 'what's this?' as he pointed to different body parts, and then answering his own questions. He pointed to his testicles and said 'oh mommy, what's this?' I pondered over testes or testicles and said 'teste'. He replied 'oh, uncle jesse'. I know he was just rhyming the words...and not calling my brother testicles :) but cute nonetheless

[kathleen999]

Ours are about the same age as yours, and I've been calling them private parts as I wash them. But as they get older I will probably call a penis a penis. And testicles seems so formal. I guess I will tell them that is the proper name, but most people say balls.

As for the girl stuff, I will tell them girls have vaginas. I would rather say that than any of the other names that I find kind of offensive. Although hoohah is kind of funny. Haven't heard that one before.

[karyn]

We use 'penis' and 'vagina', too. It really is easier, and saves the trouble of explaining new terms later on.

A funny story. We were driving through a city called Regina here on a road trip and our 3 year old daughter said, "Why is it called vagina?" Now we are thinking of moving there, but can't stop calling it vagina in our minds.

[Joey]

I really don't think it matters WHAT you use, as long as you DO talk about the body parts as a normal and natural thing. My Mum viturally never even mentioned our genitals, it was if they didn't exist. So routinely saying things like "Why don't you wash your fanny", "How about we don't play with our willy in public" is fine as far as I can see. A funny story, the rare times Mum had to refer to my brother's penis she called it his "whatnot". So of course we would go to restaurants or wherever, someone would say something like "We have lemonade, coke and whatnot" and we would fall about laughing.

"Penis" and "vagina" can sound a bit clinical (plus vagina is the internal bit, not usually the bit you're referring to )- I don't usually call my shoulder blades my scapula, and I don't call my kneecap my patella. If you are more comfortable with a term, you will be more inclined to use it easily. Down the track, or early if you want, it can be a good idea to occasionally mention the "proper names" so the terms aren't totally strange. I say to my daughter "That's also called your vagina". And yes, I do say things like "your collarbone is also called your clavicle".

Go with what feels right to you, I don't think the child abuse thing is a deciding reason. Professionals know to talk with children.

[Kathy B]

I had a whole post written in my mind, then I read Izabela's and decided that yuo did not need two identical posts! Suffice it to say, I agree with Izabela

[victoria]

Tertia, you've wondered before how to protect your kids from sexual predators.

I'm a child sex abuse survivor, and I can tell you that

1. children pick up on adults' shame around these things;

2. children get the idea that they're not supposed to call a spade a spade;

3. children get the idea that adults don't want to know what's happening to their "downstairs" parts (the word that was used in my house).

Use the words "penis" and "vagina." The prosecutor was right.

You say, "these words are so cold and clinical."

Maybe. But they're the real words for real things that really matter to little kids. Use the real words.

Maybe if my parents had been more frank about these things I would have had the courage to speak out sooner & not be hurt. Or not be hurt so badly.

I can't guarantee you that the real words will keep your kids safe, but you can only do what you can. Be as real as you can be with them. Tell your kids the truth, and your kids will be a lot more likely to tell you the truth.

-V.

[sweetisu]

Back in college, I knew a girl named Fanny. I KID YOU NOT. Granted, she was from Indonesia.. still. FANNY was her name! Why didn't she get it changed boggles my mind.

[Janine]

penis and vagina. definitely. I totally agree with the blog reader quote about abuse. Plus it becomes just another body part that they can refer to.

[c]

i grew up with the word vagina and cameron is being taught the word hoo-hoo, but, we'll also use the word vagina when necessary.

[Melany]

I use both. My boys know that correct names for all the private parts but mostly use nicknames

[V]

We were raised using 'cookie'(girls) and 'tollie'(boys) hence also felt uncomfortable with proper terms. I still cannot get used to using them but somehow boys penises have now become 'totties' and girls have a 'wienkie'. Balls will always be balls but all the comments have made me think that I must teach my son(7) and later my daughter(10 mths) the proper terms even tho we may not use them everyday. As long as they know what they are.

A friend of mine taught her daughters to use the term 'rosebud' for a vagina/vulva and needless to say it led to a lot of confusion and embarassment for them when used in it's proper context.

[Kerry]

Ooooh my boys use all sorts of names for it (being one of their favourite things, after all). They do know and use the proper name sometimes ... but also call it a 'doodle~oo' ... when my biggest boy was tiny I happened to call it a doodle and he just added the 'oo' bit so it's kind of stuck. More recently, and because their cousin calls it a 'willy' one of my boys uses that sometimes too. Soooo ... now they're at school and are coming home with new names for 'it' all the time ... luckily not 'dick' or the 'c' word yet but I'm sure it will happen.

(Oh ... I've got to say that my niece calls her bits 'daisy' which I always thought was very puritanical but now think it's kinda funny).

[Phoebe]

I honestly did not get a chance to read all the comments, as there are so many of them already, but from ones that I read I see that there are plenty of supporters for not using the proper names.

I guess I am not sure what is so unnatural about using the proper names for the body parts? Do we not call a foot a "foot" and an eye an "eye". To me, calling a penis or a vagina by something other than their proper names suggests that these parts are unnatural or embarrassing.

Also, I work as a child protection worker and I unfortunatly do have to interview children regarding sexual abuse. I always stress to parents the importance of using the proper names because do you really want a child molester going free because some defense lawyer argued that the "cookie" the child referred to was really just a "cookie"??

Further, someone mention that they use dolls when interviewing children, but here in Canada (At least my province) the dolls are not used as they are very very leading and haven't been used for years now, so again, knowing the proper names are important.

Tertia, you also mentioned something about not wanting to worry about the 1% of a chance of something happening. I am not familiar with the statistics in SA, but you should likely look into that. In Canada at least the prevelance of sexual abuse is much higher. I was shocked (and mortified) when I started working at my agency as to how many sexual abuse investigations our agency conducts. Parents abusing kids, sitters abusing kids, kids abusing kids, strangers abusing kids, aunt/uncles abusing kids, program leaders and teachers abusing kids. Its is very sad and again, I can only drive home the point of please make sure that your kids know the proper names. Sorry for the long post, but this topic is something I feel very strongly about.

(Also, as a side note, kids who know the names and feel a real ownership over thier body and private parts are less likely to be sexually abuse and more likely to tell if someone has tried because its not a taboo subject - from the time they can speak they need to be told thier private parts belong soley to them)

[Joey]

I completely appreciate the opinions of those who have experienced, or worked in the area of, child abuse. I know it must be hard to talk about the issue.

But could I just to those who use "funny" names for genitalia (or other bits of the body for that matter) - be aware, but don't be scared shitless. My sister was abused by my Dad and it had nothing to do with her knowing or no knowing proper names for her private parts. She was abused because he was a disgusting excuse for a human being. I don't know if it's useful to say that the chances of abuse are high so we'd better start educating our kids to deal with it afterwards. I think the energy is better spent keeping an eagle-eye on our kids, teaching them confidence and ownership of their bodies (using whatever language or terms you're comfortable with) and where to go for help. T, calling your kids bits fanny and willy won't make them more or less prone to child abuse. Please enjoy your kids, protect them, and don't have a heart attack that there is a child molestor in every cupboard. This isn't living in denial, it's acknowleding what's out there but refusing to live scared. That's how my sister is with her daughter.

[Sakoro]

My mom is from South Africa although we moved to the U.S. when I was little. She taught me to call private parts "fanny" and "willie". When I was in second grade, we had a teacher who kept telling us to sit "flat on our fannies". I was sooooooo confused! First of all, why was she telling the boys this? And isn't it kind of uncomfortable to try to sit flat on one's fanny?

[asil]

I grew up calling mine a luli and a boy was a luleek. My parents are both Czech, and we had a lot of Czech words for things growing up (different names for pasifiers and belly buttons), so those could be Czech words too. I never questioned it.

In my house, my son calls his a penis, but he also knows what I'm talking about if I call it his wee-willie-winky. My daughter calls hers a hoochie-coochie, but she also knows it's called a vagina (it was peanuts and bananas for a loooong time). I have a harder time saying vagina than penis, not because it isn't the correct term, but because I have a hard time with the actual word. I do want her to know the correct terms, though, when she's old enough to comprehend it all.

One time my son told me that he had a peepee, but when he got older like Daddy, he'd have a penis. We had a long discussion that day and that's when he started calling it a penis.

[Jamie]

As the child of a nurse, my sister and I were brought up using the standard terms. I wholeheartedly recommend this, for several reasons:

1. Growing up, we never felt the pressure of the stigma of what to call it. It is what it is - kids around us were using these stupid, bizarre names, and we were both like, "wuh?"

2. It eases communications with adults, doctors, etc., and allows the child to feel like there is no shame/entertainment value in saying exactly what it is.

3. Now that I'm grown, I'm more open to discussing things related to these areas because no unnecessary attention was paid to them early on. All of my friends tell me that they wish their parents had been more direct with THEM - because they all feel uncomfortable talking about it with ANYONE.

Long story short, the most straightforward is always the best. Good luck!

[Rori]

I think that it's okay to use slang terms as long as we also teach kids the correct terminology. I mean, really, we do use slang for other body parts/functions, don't we? How many of you always use the term stomach instead of belly or tummy with your small children? Are feet ever referred to as tootsies? And I would dare say a large number of parents say pee or poop instead of urine(or urinate) or fecal matter(or bowel movement), at least when talking to your kids. As long as the slang term you're using isn't too obscure, then I don't see the harm. Right now, at 22 mos., we refer to my son's penis as his bippy and he knows what that is. As he gets older, we'll make sure that he knows the real name is penis (and that his belly is really his stomach). My husband and I refer to our genitals with these slang terms (a vulva is a hooha) with each other, too, but I see it as more of a term of endearment, than as alternative chosen out of shame. We do use the correct terms when appropriate.

Regarding the abuse issue, I worked as Children & Youth caseworker for a few years and we always went with whatever a child called his or her genitals. And if a teacher doesn't understand what a child means when a kid says someone touched my ______, that teacher needs to ask what the kid means instead of brushing it off. I know, perfect world, yadda yadda, but I don't think it's realistic to expect every single kid to commonly use the terms penis and vagina or vulva. So adults should be expected to pick up the slack.

[Mollie]

I've taught Stinker 2 terms, formal and non-formal. In our case it's Vagina and Pee Pee. She herself refers to it as her "china".

[wookie]

Not looking at it from a prosecution perspective, but just a medical and school perspective, I'm going to use "proper" names. That way, there is no confusion if my kids are trying to tell someone that something hurts, itches, has something stuck in it, etc. My logic is that I'm not always going to be around to translate, and not everyone will use my slang.

[Stefanie]

My son's says "weiny" for his penis. My dd says "tee tee" for her vagina. My dsd used to say "front hiney." And my 3 boys cousins used to call their wienies "bugs." That one always made me laugh.

[Jean]

I can't remember telling my kids the names they use they sort of happened!
My son has a tail and balls and the girls say front and back bottom, I have a flu and DH has a tail (nope not prehensile!). We also use boobs or boobahs for breasts
Here in the UK some words are considered a bit rude for general use like 'fanny' and 'pussy', not sure you'd hear many kids using those, 'tits' is a bit boarderline too
Oh and my son loves saying butt because Bart Simpson does!

[cack]

when i was little, we called our v's a dimple. no boys in our house but i say pee-pee isa good one. you are right penis and vagina seem a little clinical

[Naomi]

I use real words. The only danger is when my three year old starts asking loudly if so-and-so has a penis ....when we are in close hearing range of the individual in question.

[Emmie]

Just don't let me catch you using "pickle" as one of our sitters did the other day. Or any other food item.
This was being discussed over at Indigo Girl's wonderful twin blog recently, you may want to check it out if you haven't already. http://indigogirl.typepad.com/linda/2006/02/20_months.html
I agree with Linda -I vote for "girl parts" and "boy parts". It's not too silly, not too clinical, can be used even by an adult without smirking, and accurately mentions that there are multiple parts. As the boys get older, we'll go over what the individual parts are as that comes up. Nothing edible and nothing too cute. I still remember my brother snickering because he had a new classmate named "Willie".

[victoria]

Joey, we're not saying that calling genitalia byt "cute" names makes any adult more prone to abuse. We're saying that using the real words empowers children to tell the truth about what is happening. Also those "cute" names? Give kids the message that we use euphemisms because "we don't really talk about those things." Or at least, we don't talk about those things honestly and directly.

Everyone who's so fond of the cutesie pie names for genitalia? What are you gaining? What are you risking? Thank about what you're doing. Do a risk - benefit analysis.

And take a look at what's implicit in the cutesie-pie euphemisms. One of the assumptions implicit in those cutesie-pie words is that "Kids don't *really* have genitalia. And kids don't *really* need to discuss their genitalia. At least, not like adults do. *Rea* genitalia -- the ones that deserve grown-up words -- really only belong to grwonups." It's as though adults want children to use play words for genitalia because adults aren't comfortable with the reality that kids do have genitals.

The people who insist on using the cutesie-pie words for genitalia with their kids are simply conveying to their children their own discomfort with that part of the body and their own desire that if it has to exist, at least we shouldn't talk about it.

This practice is dangerous. If you force your kids to use "play" words for that part of their body, then they may feel that they're not encouraged to tell the truth.

[baby metropolis]

Why not encourage them to call them their "privates". It reinforces all the concepts you want to teach. I plant to do that and then teach my son the actual biological names of the "parts" in addition.

[Mia C.]

My understanding for calling body parts by the appropeiate names was that if you use nicknames it communicates to the child that, on some level, these parts are things to be embarrassed and uncomfortable about.
I had a college professor that was insistent that this one of the reasons many women were sexually inhibited to a degree.

[sarah]

growing up, my sister and I had a "bottom" of which there was a "front bottom" and a "back bottom". Our parents eventually taught us the clinical terms too but they were rarely used. But I have to say I disagree with the idea that using the clinical terms means you are full of love about your body. I think it's purely that kids pick up on your vibes about the body whatever words you use or don't.

Example - my friend's mom always used "vagina" but in this tone of voice that always made us feel that it was an extraordinary and probably dangerous body part and we were most likely in big trouble. Whereas my mom used "bottom" but in a way that made it seem like the most ordinary and friendly body part that was no different than an elbow.

I think the bad rep that euphemisms like "down there" have gotten is because of the ominous overtones. And, using latin and technical terms for our bodies can be just as alienating. I think the benefit for kids is not in the words at all but only in our willingness to talk about our bodies in a friendly and open way.

[Jaine]

Plain and simple: Penis and Vagina.

Thank you and good night.