The fifth B stands for Botox, brows and big bucks.

I did Botox for the first time in September last year. I loved the results. The smooth forehead and arched eyebrows (they can inject the Botox to give you a very attractive arch to your eyebrows) made me feel divine. I could definitely see the difference, it was a huge difference. My forehead still moved, I didn’t look frozen at all, but my lines were gone. 

But after 2.5 months I could start seeing the lines slowly come back. They do tell you that the Botox only lasts 3-4 months, but even so, 2.5 months seemed really early. I know why though, my friend the doctor who does the Botox says he would rather under do the Botox than over do it and be left with a frozen face.

I debated long and hard whether to have it done again. I even typed up a blog entry asking you guys what you though, but I never go around to posting it.

I then got a little extra cash as a surprise and decided to have it done again. This time he injected more to see if it would last longer, and so it cost me a bit more. I get it done at cost price, so I probably save about 40%.

But this time it didn’t go as well. No lines again, that was good, but my one eyebrow didn’t arch as much as the other, and for the first few weeks my face looked decidedly skew, at least to me. Not one other person noticed, not even Marko (I haven’t even mentioned it to him), but I noticed.

I told my Dr friend and he said to come in and he’d fix it, but I’ve been too lazy. Terrible huh. (Update – have eyebrow fix appointment on Tues)

The difference is much less now. I think you’ll only notice if I point it out to you and I raise my brows. Then you will see that the one moves higher than the other.

I am so torn.

I love the way having the Botox makes me feel. Well besides the skew face thing. I love that my foundation doesn’t cake into the creases in my forehead. I love having a crease free forehead. I don’t hate, or even dislike the way I look now. I just really dig having this little thing, this little fixer upper done. Makes me feel good.

However…

It is bloody expensive. It is a lot of money. I don’t know whether I can justify spending that much money on myself, on such a temporary thing. Make no mistake, this is not about me caring about society’s view on aging, or about whether or not it is good or bad for me, or whether or not it makes me vain or is a sign of body image problems. I don’t care two hoots about that. It is the money. 

If I had lots of money I would be Botox’ing until the cow come home. But I don’t have a lot of money. I have some, but not a lot.

There is one side of me that says ‘it is a waste of money, you don’t have money, you are always complaining you don’t have money, spend this money on something else instead’.

Then there is the other side that says ‘you work hard, you’ve worked hard to get where you are, you earn a good salary, you never spend any money on yourself, this is your treat, it makes you feel nice, do it for you’.

I don’t know. It does seem a terrible waste of money.

Yet… it is such a small amount in comparison to the thousands I’ve spent on IVF. Don’t I deserve a little pampering, a little bit of something just for me?

Damn. Don’t know what to do.

Here is your chance, what do you think? What should I do? To Botox or not to Botox? Waste of money or money well spent? Trick or treat?

Try not to be too asshole’ish in your responses. If you can. If you just can’t help yourself and you are dying to tell me how vain / shallow / selfish / concerned I am about my looks or how I have body image problems, well then, I suppose you can. It will just drive you crazy keeping it inside. If it makes you feel better getting it out, go ahead. I’ll do my very best not to take it too personally. Can’t promise though, but will certainly do my best.

 

 

Comments

[kim]

I go for the option

‘you work hard, you’ve worked hard to get where you are, you earn a good salary, you never spend any money on yourself, this is your treat, it makes you feel nice, do it for you’.

I am sure you won't do it forever but for now it makes you feel good so do it. Bit freaky about the eyebrow though - just hope nothing else goes wrong - that's what I'd be worried about.

[Meg]

I think you should do what you need to do.

It's all relative. Some people can't afford to spend that much money on themselves. But some people can afford to spend a lot more. If you can afford it, and your husband doesn't mind, then I don't see a problem.

If you can afford it, you *want* to do it, and you're still a good, non-selfish person (which you are - you help people and adore your kids) then I definitely don't see a problem.

[Meg]

I think you should do what you need to do.

It's all relative. Some people can't afford to spend that much money on themselves. But some people can afford to spend a lot more. If you can afford it, and your husband doesn't mind, then I don't see a problem.

If you can afford it, you *want* to do it, and you're still a good, non-selfish person (which you are - you help people and adore your kids) then I definitely don't see a problem.

[b]

I think you should do it if it makes you feel goo and doesn't hurt anyone else.

[amanda8]

I had it done once, for free. We had some leftover in the office where I worked, and they were going to throw it out because it would expire the next day. So one of the docs I worked for tryed it on me. I have to say - I freaking loved the no crease in my forehead thing. I will do it again as soon as I have extra money!

[amanda8]

I had it done once, for free. We had some leftover in the office where I worked, and they were going to throw it out because it would expire the next day. So one of the docs I worked for tryed it on me. I have to say - I freaking loved the no crease in my forehead thing. I will do it again as soon as I have extra money!

[Karen]

Which makes you feel worse...
Not having the Botox, or feeling guilty about spending the money? If not having the Botox makes you feel worse, get it! If spending the money makes you feel worse, don't. Also, I asked my mother's opinion about spending some extra money to hire someone to help clean the house a couple times a month. I don't NEED to do it, but it would help me out a lot. As I was complaining about the extra money it would cost, she said: "That's why you work, isn't it? To have extra money to do things that you might not need but would like to have?" SO, I'm hiring someone.

[Jean]

If you have the cash and it makes you feel good then do it,too often women put their needs way down on the list of priorities...go for it!!

[ingrid]

No advice here, sorry, and no judginess, either, since I have the same dilemma.

I live in a constant state of inner debate about where my money should go. Self-improvement, savings, home improvement, travel, kids, you know the drill. The beauty-maintenance stuff is extremely important to me, but the temporary nature makes it hard to to assign a priority. Why the hell can't they make it longer lasting???!!!

Let us know what you come up with. My solution at the moment is to start a thermage fund ($50 a week starting last week). Thermage is wicked expensive (I think about $5k here) but I've already lost collagen in my chin and cheeks, and the second there is a hint of a sag, I'm signing up. For some reason the lines on my forehead don't bug me that much; they've been there since I was 18, so I don't associate them with aging.

[Ninotchka]

I know how you feel. I love pampering myself but have become way too pragmatic for my own good. I ask myself all the time "Is it worth it?" I have the money (like you, some not a lot) but I question whether it would be best spent elsewhere. Then I try to quantify how many things I could do with money spent on mani/pedi, waxing, massages, facials etc. And then I don't do those either! Hence, I haven't had any pampering done since early in my pregnancy with Anna Sofia. Except for my "baby shower" date with my two best friends who took me for a pedi and dinner. Even then I felt like the pedi wasn't *that* good that I couldn't live without them. What a pickle, huh? It sucks to be responsible.

My solution is that we all need to win the lottery so that we don't even have to give all of this guilt-rubbish a moment's pause! ha ha ha

[Stephanie]

I agree with Karen's response! I also think it's a decision you can continually make. Some months I'll decide I'm worth it (my thing being a massage). Some months I may decide otherwise, cause there's other things I want to spend the $$$ on. I think every 3-4 months it's a new decision, based on what's going on at that time.

[Dasha]

Not going to be assholish at all. If it makes you feel beautiful and younger and all of that fabulous stuff, and you can afford it, why the hell not? Although you might want to reconsider if your face ends up skewed again. I think we've all seen some pretty frightening examples of Hollywood actresses who have overdone the procedures and look like zombies or ghouls.

Either way, you are Gorgeous and Divine!

[Natalee]

Tell you what, T. If I win the Powerball (multi-state lottery, currently up to around 87 million) I'll pay for your Botox!

Botox for everyone!

Seriously though, if it makes you feel that good about yourself, and you have the extra money, do it. I can't live w/o my eyebrow waxing, so we've all got our little "must haves".

[Charmaine]

If it makes you feel better about yourself then I think you deserve it. You do work hard and you have worked hard to get where you are in life. Look at all you have been through. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Do what is right for you. The better you feel about yourself the better you are for you and your family. You do deserve to pamper yourself. :) You are still G&D both ways so do what's right for you.

[DD]

I scored my first botox for a song so I didn't hesitate. I want it again, but I don't want to pay full price. You're right that the results are almost indescernable except to yourself and that's where it counts.

I have to justify the next time (and YES, there will be a next time) by cutting back on future shopping trips.

[Suzie-Q.]

When i was single and fabulous (pre-twins!) and earning boatloads of $$ i went for loads of forehead Botox. Also one time experienced the same problem with eyebrows that didn't match, but, no one else noticed besides me... solution: find a better doctor.
When i was in dating mode i always did Botox. When not in dating mode i also could not justify spending all that $$ on something so temporary (v.v.temporary, unfortunately).
So, if i were you i would definitely fix the sagging brow to match the other AT ALL COSTS!!! Then, play it by ear and see how cash rich you are at the moment when you are due for next injects!!!
I am all for doing anything/everything cosmetic to make you look and therefore feel better, but, sadly it's true....
Money doesn't grow on trees and i can't figure out why the hell not!!!!!!!
Send us before and afters of your brow, m'dear!!!!
xoxo

[Judy]

Do what you WANT to do, what makes you feel like YOU. However, I think you are G&D regardless, so there.

Oh yeah, and botox is not something I would do because my skin doesn't wrinkle - soft and supple like a baby's bottom - people beg for my skin.

NOT! Tee hee! Just wanted to be an asshole for a moment!

[Jenn]

For me, it's not something I would do in the first place. One, the whole botulism thing creeps me out. Two, I don't even wear makeup, so I can't see subjecting myself to needles in the face. Though I do love to have my eyebrows and lashes dyed.

But since this is for YOU, which would you regret more: spending the money or not having it done at all?

[Laura]

Agreeing with Karen and others who have asked which is worse: your feeling of guilt over the expense or your feeling of wrinkly-forehead unattractiveness? I hate to spend money on my appearance, but I finally realized a cheap haircut was not worthwhile if I spent weeks afterward obsessing over how crummy my hair looked. Better to spend more and feel confident. I also have a very expensive hobby (figure skating) despite a minuscule salary--it's important to me so I cut other corners to be able to pay for it.

Do people do "Botox parties" in SA? Over here, groups of women will get together at someone's house and have a doctor come over and Botox everyone. Apparently it defrays the cost since it's split between all the attendees, and of course you can serve lots of wine. :-) Maybe something to look into.

[dawna]

It is definitely a personal choice. If you have the money to burn, and feel the need to treat yourself, then do it. I'm not there yet, being a child yet(25) so I can't honestly say what I would do in a similar situation. If its something that makes you happy, yes, or you could put out the extra money and get a more permanant solution. I personally can't see spending a fortune on something that doesn't last long, when I could buy shoes and clothes, and other accessories.

[victoria]

First: please accept my apologies if I was one of the posters who sounded like I thought you have body image problems! I'm so sorry! I was really intereted in your last post, and in the comments on it, and it made me think about a lot of things, but maybe I should have thought more carefully before posting. Tertia you are gorgeous & divine and I don't want to be rude here.

Second: get more Botox! It's worth the investment. If you keep doing it, eventually you don't need to do it so frequently. I've heard that some folks can stop doing it at all; I haven't reached that point, but now I need to do it only once a year. That's right: once a year.

And doing it now pays benefits later: your skin won't take so much of a beating because you're not creasing it up all the time, and it will look more youthful -- not just smoother in terms of wrinkles, but plumper and softer -- as a result of the favor you're doing it now.

Botox is like waxing -- hard at first, but pretty soon, you'll discover you retain the effects with very little upkeep.

[Heather]

I think it is definately a personal choice. If the money is there and it makes you feel better about yourself than go for it!! However, if you have to "find" money to do it, then no, you shouldn't be doing botox and sacrificing anything else.

[beep]

hmmmm, i say open up a paypal account and let us who love you just contrbute to your fixation on staying youthful looking! can't have our favorite mommy of twins getting old haggish on us!!!

the preceding was a JOKE, for anyone who can't tell.

it is my understanding that botox/myobloc lasts longer and longer the more time it is injected.

on top of that, there is a wonderful company called cellular skin rx that makes a product called relax a line that can extend the botox injection lifte time. it has a website but i don't know the address.

it even has a stronger product (more $$, less product) if it works to your satisfaction.

i say, make up your mind and don't tell the world. it really is none of our business what you spend your money on.

except if you want to spend it on ME!!!

then you need to contact me directly, immediately.

i'll send you a list.

[Katie]

This is coming from a complete outsider, and probably won't make much of a difference to you, but I really don't think you need Botox. You are GORGEOUS! If it truly makes you feel better about yourself, go for it, but I personally think it is an unnecessary expense. You really don't need it. But I am a very stingy person, and tend to hoard my money. Take my opinion with a grain of salt.

[Katie]

This is coming from a complete outsider, and probably won't make much of a difference to you, but I really don't think you need Botox. You are GORGEOUS! If it truly makes you feel better about yourself, go for it, but I personally think it is an unnecessary expense. You really don't need it. But I am a very stingy person, and tend to hoard my money. Take my opinion with a grain of salt.

[Kate]

I didn't read the comments, so if I'm repeating someone else, it must be good assvise, lol! I say, if it makes you feel good, and you have the money for it (I mean, you still have money to pay the bills, feed the kids etc) go for it! If I had the money to do something to make myself feel better about myself I would in a flash!

[MamaChristy]

Perhaps doing it only once or twice a year is the answer? You still get to do it for yourself as a treat but it isn't as much money that way? Anywho, it doesn't matter what WE think, you have to be happy with whatever decision you make.

[Jessica]

You can afford it? It makes you feel good? Go for it, girl. :-)

[kathleen999]

I think the issue is that you feel bad about spending money on yourself. So you should start a little fund for yourself for goodies. Not a lot, but put some in every month. And that is Tertia-spoiling-yourself money, and no need to feel guilty no matter what you spend it on.

As for the Botox, don't know that I would do it myself. I don't have any lines that really bug me. I have crow's feet, but I like them. No real problem forehead lines. But just because it doesn't bug me doesn't mean it doesn't bug you...and you should do whatever you want with your Tertia-spoiling-yourself fund.

[mollie]

I think you should botox your asshole. It's far too wrinkly.

Oh, T. Come on now. No drama required! You like it, so do it. No one is going to go hungry, and if you get run over by a trolleybus tomorrow (heaven forbid!), better that you go down feeling great about your forehead.

I'm secretly considering starting a little set-aside fund for a loose-skin-ectomy around my navel. SO VAIN, I know. SO EXPENSIVE, SO UNNECCESSARY! I come up with all sorts of reasons not to do it. And what if it's botched? But what the hell, I'm considering it.

I know I can't be 22 again. I know this. I know this. I know this. What makes me want to even attempt to conjure the tummy of my youth? I'm ashamed of myself, honestly. But not worried about you, not in the slightest. At least not when it comes to Botox.

xo

[Judi]

My sister just started working for a place in NYC that does botox... after our visit at the holidays, I was sooooo ready to have a few "improvements". But, unfortunately, I won't get any discount... so I'll have to wait. But it's on my "Body Improvement To-Do List". :)

[Heather]

Tertia, when you feel good about yourself, you have more emotional energy to be the best mommy, best wife, best everything. I am not at the botox place yet..but I know when I do a little something to make myself feel good about myself..I have more left to focus on my boy, my husband ( better lover, etc when feeling confident, no?) I say, if you have money to put food on the table, bills, and pay for the other neccessaries, then if this i sthe thing that makes you feel great enough to feel great dping everything else..theni it is a neccessary expenditure..and if you do it, I will feel better about doing it someday too ;o) ( p.s..early twenties...so the botox isn't huge on my list yet...though the boob post struck a chord)

[JK]

Above, Ingrid mentioned Thermage... (http://www.thermage.com/general/faq.cfm)

I am sooooo intrigued by this! I, like Ingrid, am saving my money for this because it seems like the results might last longer. I was intrigued by what one of the other posters said about botox being like waxing. That the more you do it the less often you need it. However, like one of the other posters, the whole botox thing is a little weird to me... it's botulism... deadly disease and all... I did a report on it in 7th grade and yuck! It just freaks me out a little. I like the idea of laser technology better, but that's just my personal opinion.

With all that said, if you can afford Botox and it makes you feel good, go for it. I have my own indulgences. You don't owe any one an explanation! You are G&D!

[Calamity]

I always justify any expenses for something I want but may feel guilty over by using a "Cost-per-use" strategy. So take your Botox cost and divide it by the number of days between visits. If the result is something you can live with, by all means go for it. I find that if I look at it this way, I can see if something is more "worth it" to me or not. Like expensive shoes you then wear daily versus moderately expensive shoes that you never have worn because they ended up making your feet hurt: the cost-per-use for the less expensive shoes ends up much higher. And if Botox makes you happy, do it. I am a miserable whiny wretch if I can't get my super-fast-growing but prematurely grey hair dyed regularly.

[Amy]

If it were me I would probably split the difference and get it only when there was something you want to look extra gorgeous and divine for (a wedding, a party where you know there will be loads of pictures taken, your birthday etc.) but let it go otherwise. Or cut out some other thing you tend to spend money on so you don't feel so bad. Either way you are the only one who can decide if it is worth it or not.

[beep]

Hah!! i DID the thermage stuff out here in sunny california...see thermalift.com

i HIGHLY recommend it!! the wrinkles on my forehead are not only GONE but the faint line that represents them is about 3/4 of an inch higher on my forehead then when i started.

love it love it love it

very expensive tho.

[Jennie]

go for it girl! you've earnt the right to treat yourself so go on live a little and feel fan-tab-ulously G&D.

[L.]

I`ve started brushing my hair over my forehead -- much cheaper way to make my creases invisible.

But I know that "money guilt" feeling... for me, it`s not Botox -- it`s buying kitchen gadgets. Today I bought a really pretty garlic press, which I will use and enjoy, but... should I have sent the money to starving children instead, and continued chopping my garlic?

[Rachel H.]

Surely you deserve some "fun" money, to spend on what you like. Budget that ahead of time, and then decide what you most like. Botox wouldn't be MY first choice, but thee are not me. I regularly spend $5 on a cup of coffee, so I will be the last to judge you for choosing something expensive and temporary :).

[another anna]

I figure it's all about how much happiness and/or peace of mind you can buy with your discretionary income. How good does the Botox make you feel compared with other specific ways you could use the money?

Would saving that money for the twins' college make you sleep better every night?

Would spending the same amount of money on more expensive and more delicious wine actually give you more moments of joy than 3 months of a smooth forehead?

How about saving up for a decadent, romantic trip for you and Marko?

Is a smooth forehead better than any of those? Then go for it, and don't look back. You absolutely deserve to make yourself happy, and not feel guilty about it.

The trick is to figure out how YOU feel about it. Not how other people think you should feel. Do exactly what will make you the happiest.

[wookie]

I dunno. I've earned every one of my white hairs, lines, wrinkles and stretch marks. They don't really phase me.

I don't really understand your preoccupation with so drastically altering so many aspects of your appearance, but I will respect that you are not me. I guess it just makes me a little sad that you and many others don't seem to find themselves beautiful the way they are.

[Faith]

Yeah....I'm going to agree somewhat with Wookie...Tertia, you're a HOT looking mama. But where I diverge from Wookie is that I think if Botox makes you happy-- hey. Happiness is WORTH IT!!! Still, who out here hasn't spent a bit more money than we should have??? Money problems are NOT worth it....decisions, decisions.

[R*Belle]

I have thought about the same thing myself as I tend to scrunch up my eyebrows and it is unattractive and has created wrinkles. I really don't have the extra cash right now to justify it and I don't think about my looks overmuch. That said, if I could swing it I would do it. So this is utterly unhelpful, sorry! I will say that I would probably do it once and be way to slack to go back, I know that much about myself.

[Jennifer]

DO IT!!!! I say do whatever the hell makes you happy. For me it is wine and shoes...for you it is wine and botox. I guess all I am saying is that when I find something that makes me feel good that is legal I go for it and as long as I am there I might as well have a cocktail with it!
Cheers!!!

[Wylie]

Your money, your face, your life. Are you going to regret the botox on your deathbed or are you going to think "thank gawd I didn't totally forget about my happiness during those years"?

If it makes you feel really bad, try donating a portion of the botox money to charity. It might alleviate the guilt, since Botox will then automatically equal something nice for others, too.

[Ulli]

You go girl! :)

[King Rat]

Haven't read all the comments, but here's an analogy from someone who would never consider Botox (I don't even wear make up). I pay a bajillion dollars a month for psychotherapy that my insurance covers less than half of. It's really expensive and I often think that there is probably a far better use for that money and how can I justify spending so much on myself? But, it makes me feel good (most of the time) and I know that the person I would be without it would be very sad (as would those around me). I think it is so worth it to invest in happiness. No regrets.

[SuMMer]

Tertia.....as part of your lesbian contingent, I would just like to say that I fully support whatever makes you happy. Jumping out of planes and getting permanent ink all voer my body makes me happy, so who am I to judge? :-) You have fogut and worked long and hard to be where you are, so go ahead and do whatever puts a smile on your face! You deserve it a million times over!! Botox or no--you're still Gorgeous and Divine!

[SuMMer]

This is what happens when I type too fast for my own good--typos. voer=over, and fogut=fought.LOL.Didn't want you thinking they were some of the many wacky American words.:-)

[Timesly]

I think it is a fantasy that enters botox-getting ladies' heads that it is not noticiable. Maybe it's that I live in nyc and scrutinize many faces for plastic surgery and botox, but if you are a certain age (post 27, 30?) and you have a crease free forehead, you've obviously had botox. Many women seem totally oblivious to their own obvious plastic-surgery-looking looks. i think it's like crack to them- addictive and makes them forget what normal looks like. like, crackheads don't realize they look like crackheads. Personally, and this sounds like total bullshit, but i really think a woman making a frown and creasing those 11s is a sexy female expression- as in- fuck off frat boy in the bar- you disgust me. The elevens are great for expressing disdain and disgust. Queenly sentiments like, you are beneath my contempt. Also, anger, and thoughtfulness.

my point is, i think people look better without that stuff. i like a thoughtful looking woman with intelligence in her eyes. way better than tanorexia and whatever look say, pam anderson is sporting.

[Debi]

Somehow I missed this post and just ran into it today. The post I voted for by the way.

Please do it so I can live vicariously through you... If it makes you feel good do it. We all need to feel good and if getting an injection here and there is what does it for you you have every right.

I would like to see before and after pics please :)

[Lisa]

Totally random. I agree to go for the Bo if it makes you feel better. On a personal note...I was wondering if you smoke?

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