Mothering 101

This mothering shit is hard. I always thought all you had to do was just love, feed and clothe your kids. But no, apparently not.

Just been reading a twins bulletin board and there were a few posts about stopping bottles and moving on to sippy cups at around this age. WTF!!! I’m supposed to stop giving them bottles? When??? Why???  No one told me that!

It sometimes seems like motherhood is a never-ending set of pass / fail points and not only did I not study the right subject, but I never even knew that there was an exam to be written. Just as I get the one thing right there is another test to be done.

I’m probably doing them irreparable harm by giving them bottles instead of sippy cups. They will fail at math or something because their mother never knew to transition from bottles to sippy cups at exactly 10.5 months.

Took the kids to the Paed yesterday, a blog reader expressed concern that Adam’s one eye looked slightly squint and also because I wanted to talk about Kate not crawling.

Adam’s eyes are completely fine but Kate has to go to OT because she should be crawling by now.

Sigh.

The Dr says she seems perfectly ok, she just needs a bit of OT to get her on her way.

In all other ways she seems fine, she is a real little show pony, we make her do tricks all the time. We have a sequence: clap handies, then dancey dancey, then whistle (all of which she does so cutely), then ‘what does a lion say’ etc. She is just NOT crawling. She loves sitting on her cute little butt playing with her toys.

It depresses me slightly. I’m sure she’s fine, but of course you want the best for your kids and it worries me that she might suffer in future in any way.

Good news is that they are both on the 90^th percentile for weight and just over the 90^th percentile for height. So they are nice tall, strong babies. Amazingly enough they weigh exactly the same and are the exact same length. Adam’s head is just a cm bigger. 

I suppose I need to go and read ‘What to Expect – The First Year’ – brush up on my mothering skills so that I can pass the exam.

It’s 8:21 pm. I’m going to bed. It’s been a long week. Feeling a bit miz. Not sure why. Will be fine tomorrow.

Comments

[carolina]

can u help me? I want to create a blog like this but with my personal opinion of everything...how can I do it? what page it's your host??

[Suzanne]

I wouldn't worry about getting rid of bottles at this point. I would start offering them sippys of water in between bottles to get them used to them and slowly transition them to all sippys. Just like weaning from the breast, it's best to do it slowly and gently. ;)

And I wouldn't worry to much about Kate. I have a friend whose baby (oddly enough, named Katy) who didn' crawl until close to a year? She just wasn't interested at all. She didn't seem interested in walking either and finally did that at around 17 or 18 months old. :)

Some babies NEVER crawl, they just stand up one day and start walking. Crazy, huh?

This mothering gig is hard. Don't worry, you are doing an awesome job.

[carolina]

thanks you're very kind! see ya!

[julesd]

I also have boy/girl twins, 15 months old. I wouldn't worry so much about the sippy cup thing. We transitioned really slowly with the bottle to cup thing.. ie: sippy cup at meal times and bottle before bed. Trying not to force the issue on anything, taking the laid back attitude and I'm finding that my twins are doing it when they decide that they are ready. My little girl didn't start crawling until she was about a year (even with Physio therapy) and shortly after the crawling, came the walking.

I think that giving your kids the tools and pointing them in the right direction is the best we do for them at this point. Your twins look great, and you are doing great with them.

Could you post where the twins bulletin board is? Would like to compare notes with others as well.

[Bridgette]

Kelsey had her bottle til her 2nd birthday. She LOVED her bottle. I actually had to throw them away in order to break her. She is now 16, an A B student, and fairly well adjusted. If I didn't f*ck her up, you're safe my dear.

You're always going to be doing something wrong according to others, so please try not to worry about it. I breastfed Jonny for 16 months, and bottle fed Kelsey. Jonny has a binky, Kelsey really never took to hers. All kids are different and all parenting is different. That doesn't make it wrong.

[KimN]

I know what you mean. My 10.5 month old son is still not crawling either. I asked the ped about it a few weeks ago and he said not to worry, that as long as he's learning new things I shouldn't be concerned. Still, I wish he would crawl already.

I always feel like I'm failing at this parenting thing as well. Ugh!

[Tatiana]

Don't listen too much stuff! Every one is different. My daughter NEVER crawled, she started walking at 11 months. And she is the best in her class in Maths (apparently SA doctors have theory about crawling and Maths :) ). My son still sips his bottle when it comes to milk and I do not mind.
Good luck, Mother!

[Em]

Really, the stuff they will eventually do on their own, I try not to obsess over ("try" being the key word). Its good that you had Kate checked out but now that you know she is ok, know that she will eventually crawl (or head straight for walking). The bottles - they won't still have them when they are 16 no matter what you do. I would try offering them the sippy but for my kids, the rule was, when I thought they started to look stupid, I would work more seriously on transitioning. For bottles it was around 2 or so and pacifiers a little older (because it was a little harder). Because there is a point where you look at them and say, "you look ridiculous with that thing" but 10 months isn't it, I don't think.

Good Luck. You are doing great!

[wix]

from friends who are degreed in early childhood education, i learned that babies who master crawling are more likely to have success as readers--or rather, reading will come more easily to them--however, i am not sure if this is widely accepted but outdated science, or if there have been any recent studies to prove or refute this claim. kate may just need a little extra motivation to begin crawling, i.e., put her toys just out of her reach so that she learns to move to get to them, instead of anticipating her wants and bringing the toys to her hands or immediate surroundings. i'm sure she'll do beautifully once she gets a little help, being so strong and otherwise on the nickel.

re sippy cups: there is a point that, if the idea of them drinking out of a bottle for a long time bothers you, you will need to begin to make the transition. if you don't much care one way or the other how long they use a bottle, i wouldn't worry about it. anectdotally, the cut-off between accepting the end of bottle days and wanting to hang on to bottle days seems to be about 11-13 mos.

there are some wonderful transitional cups here in the states that moxie has recommended: Nuby No-Spill Sippy Gripper. but what adam and kate will like and take may be something else, and each of them may prefer a different type of cup. we liked the avent 'winged' cups and now we've moved on to some soft straw cups.

you adore your babies and it shows. you're doing a fantastic job, and i think that all of us moms feel that we pass some tests with flying colors and fail some others spectacularly. CX is almost 19 mos old, and he's already had to get stitches (fell on the flagstones in our garden and cut himself just below his brow, we rushed him to the ER all three covered in blood and crying), and just the other night we inadvertently put him to bed while he was hungry. on the other hand, he is (according to his nursery school teacher) doing unusually well with his vocabulary and pronounciation.

[k]

Just to reiterate what everyone else above said, don't worry about exactly "when" you do all of that stuff. It REALLY doesn't matter.

I am still surprised now with our 2 1/2 year old when someone will tell me something like, "Oh, *our* 2 1/2 year old washes his own hair in the bathtub!" And I think, "Huh, I never even thought of ASKING my kid to wash his own hair."

For me, that's what it is a lot of the time ... it's just that I never really THOUGHT of "moving to a sippy cup," "transitioning from highchair to booster seat," "asking the kid to wash his own hair." Do you get what I'm saying? It's not that the kid can't do it (or that your kids can't do it), it's just that maybe we're not really ready for that at our house. We move at our own pace. And we get to all of those steps when we're ready (didn't get rid of the last bottle until 15 months, in fact).

Which is why I say don't worry about exactly "when." You'll get to it when you get to it.

[Katy]

Ack I know what you mean it's like a massive long race where everyone is trying to be at the front and there's these horrible tests. Just like school. And I've only got one to worry about! I think your babes are scrumptious and Miss Kate has exactly the right idea. Sit on her bum and make Mummy bring things to her!

[Veronika]

Just do what works for you. My neighbor's son has never had a sippy. Ever. He drank from his bottle until he was 2 1/2 and when he wasn't drinking from that, he was drinking from a normal cup. I worried my ass off about my son not sitting until he was close to 9 months old, but was way too lazy to take him to the doctor. I just figured that he had to do it some time and all I had to do was wait. He was sailing around on his belly way before he could even sit upright. Then, between 9 and 11 months, he got the hang of sitting, actual crawling and walking - all before his first birthday.

As for the math and crawling theory, my G.P. told me that her dad used to say there were two kinds of cum: cum laude and cum deur. Only one mattered. (Makes a whole lot more sense if you understand Afrikaans)

[Stefanie]

Don't worry about the bottles. My ped said around 1. My kids were 26 and 35 months when we got rid of the last night time bottle and they are fine.

Kate may decide crawling is for the birds and just start walking. She's fine - we all know that!

Big hugs to you.

[Bec (and Charlotte)]

HI Tertia,

My eldest daughter had a bottle till she was 3 and a dummy (or do you call it a pacifier) until she was 4, she is now 19 (yes I have a 19 year old and a 4 year old) and she is at University getting Distiction's and High Distiction's. In the end (I agree you do need to monitor milestones) they will be crawling, walking, sleeping through the night and feeding them selves by the time they walk down the aisle.

Don't stress girl - go with what you are comfortable with.

[DD]

I'm going to try stating this in a way that won't cause WWIII: Sippys vs. Bottles, but it's more than what feels "right" for your family; it has to do a little with the physical development of the gums/teeth. Extended "sucking" (past 2-3 yrs) can do a number on said gums/teeth. The time frame Wix mentioned for the transition would be ideal. Also, to get them liking the sippy cup, you would put their favorite beverages in them and delegate the bottles to water.

This is just my assvice. No gospel here.

[Bethany]

For crying out loud... do it in your own time! :-) Bottles, Sippy Cups, real cups-- doesn't matter. And at some point, they are going to WANT to drink out of the same type of cup as you do (my son was all about a cup with a straw for that matter).

And crawling? ROTFL! My intelligent one, just skipped crawling and started walking. So, don't worry yourself one little bit. ;-) You're doing GREAT!

[cursingmama]

Fuckerama are people really still having the bottle/sippy cup argument - guilt thing? I would've thought they'd find a new topic by now, last I heard about it Princess was 1 (9 years ago).
For Princess we skipped the sippy entirely and went straight to a real cup at 1 year and she can multiply and divide.
Gameboy had a sippy from about 10 mos until he was 2 and can also multiply and divide. So I wouldn't worry about the math thing.

[Beachgal]

You've gotten such good comments already, I feel like I'm just repeating. Some babies just DO NOT crawl. End of story. We took our son's paci away at around 12 months, just because I was tired of seeing him with it in his mouth. Absolutely NO trauma. He never asked for it again. Sippy cups started around 15 months, with some bottles here and there. Easy transition off the bottle at 18 months when he had a stomach bug and couldn't have milk. Once he was better, I just never gave him a bottle again, everything in a sippy. He's 2 now, still uses a sippy, or something with a straw and can use a real cup, but he loves his sippy. Don't fret about it, things will go right when you are ready and when THEY are ready. You should know by now you can't force those kids to do much they don't want to. You're a great mom, we can all see that.
Ok, leaving work now, have a good weekend.

[Malone]

I'm surprised about the OT for crawling. My 10.5 month old also has no interest in crawling and my ped is not worried. In fact, my ped said she may not ever crawl. The Denver Developmental test, which is the standard here, doesn't even have crawling on it b/c so many babies never crawl - just straight to cruising and walking.

I just consider that I get a few extra trips to the bathroom for free!

[Jamie]

No worries, Tertia. I'm 26 and I still prefer sitting on my butt to crawling around, or even walking for that matter. You go get 'em, Katie!

[Menita]

I never crawled - just got up and started walking at 11 and 12 months and just look at how astonishingly talented I am. See?

[Menita]

BTW, Karen posted on Alex's transition to cups-only today...and Alex is rockin'!
(see http://www.chookooloonks.com/chookooloonks/)

[Jenn in AK]

Screw What to Expect - I hate those books. As for the bottle, Bekah gave hers up on her own around 16 months. Just start offering a sippy of milk or something before bed or whenever they have their bottles. Not a big deal. With Kate not crawling, Bekah started crawling at 10.5 months and only because her great grandma said her name. As soon as Granny said her name, Bekah looked at her and beat a path to me. My mom looked at me with her mouth open! It was the first time Bekah had crawled. We did it twice more - then Gr. Granny started getting a complex. Kate will be fine. (((Hugs to you)))

Oh, and on the lost manuscript, yes Microsoft fucking SUCKS!

Jenn

[Jill]

I wouldn't worry about Kate. It's obvious already that she is extrememly intelligent.

My nieces never crawled. They scooted or rolled around to get places. Their ped told bro and SIL it was because they spent so little time on their stomachs b/c of fear of SIDS and that there are fewer and fewer babies crawling these days b/c of this. Also they had tile and wood floors that are not as comfortable to crawl on. They scooch along and then eventually pull themselves up to start walking. At least in this hemisphere. : )

[Felicity]

As everyone here has said, I think your babies are doing great. All children are different, and do things in their own time. You are their Mum, you know when things are wrong... its that 'Maternal Instinct' thing kicking in! Otherwise, do things YOUR way!

My Twins used their bottles for Milk and Milo for ages.. primarily because of the mess that was made if they spilt a 'sippy cup' ! And those no-drip ones arent good for milky drinks, I dont think they get clean enough, and children like to guzzle milk, not sip it!

Ned is heavier and has a bigger head than Cecilia, and he crawled, stood and walked much later than her. He also talked alot later, and only this year, at 4, has his vocabulary really kicked off. But he did it all in his own time, and he is on par with Cecilia in some things, better than her in others, and not as good in other things yet.. All children really are very different. With Twins, its just so hard not to make comparrisons!

:)