Queen for a day

Belinda – she of the (still) no car fame – and I were chatting on the way home from work, as we do, and we decided that we would do a much better job of running this country, nay, the whole world, than the incumbent rulers do.

We started off fairly sedately in our revolution of the rule – things like a four-day working week, flexitime for those who choose it, increased pay, more holidays etc, but we decided why stop there.

In our future view of the country, all wine farms would be state owned and it would be essential to spend at least half your day sipping Chardonnay / Sauvignon Blanc in summer and perhaps a nice Pinot Noir in winter. No one would have to cook, ever. Unless of course you wanted to. In which case of course you could do that. (Belinda likes to cook, I hate it)

We, Belinda and I, wouldn’t work. We’d be paid lots for holding this very responsible position, but we wouldn’t actually do any real work. Unless drinking wine is work, we’d be doing a lot of that. Which is actually work if you own a wine farm (which we would) – because you couldn’t be shipping out any old crappy wine, you’d need to taste it to make sure it was ok before you sent it out.

We’d also ban thin, pretty people. They’d have to wear headscarves and eat donuts all the time. In fact fat would be the new thin. 

No one would be allowed to drive slowly in our lane. We’d have our own lane. And we’d drive as fast as we wanted. 

We’d ban big stupid slow trucks from the road. They’re just irritating and they make stinky smoke. Trucks would only be allowed to be on the road when we weren’t using it.

Unless they were wine trucks. In which case they would be allowed to use the road any time they wanted to. 

We’d also form alliances with obscure countries who have lovely beaches. We’d ask them to build a nice beach house for us and we would do president swaps – we’d go stay on their island and they could come stay in our country for a bit. We’d ask that there are no thin pretty people on the beach when we go there. And that there be cocktails. Served by handsome chaps with no shirts on. No wine. When in Rome you need to drink cocktails, or so the saying goes.

We’d have long lunches every day and invite all our girlfriends over. We’d drink wine and have fun. 

Afternoon naps would be compulsory. Any one who made a noise during afternoon naptime would be locked in jail and made to press grapes. 

We’d be happy, fun rulers.  We would insist on having happy, fun people in our country. If people weren’t happy and fun we’d ban them from coming out their houses. We don’t want no sad sack people spoiling our day.

But mostly we’d just sit on the veranda of our wine farm, admiring the view, sipping our wine while we sign important documents and talk on the cell phone to other rulers. We’d send them boxes of wine as gifts and schedule time in each other’s beach houses. They’d love us and want to be our BFF. 

Really, I think the world would be a much better place if we ran it. 

Comments

[Bee]

Yay! We rule the world. I really do like that world view - I like it a lot. Should we tell Thabo we are planning a coup? Let's take him to lunch first and ply him with wine (lots). Sure he'd go for it. We rule - hurrah!

[Ute]

Your wine farm? I thought they were all state owned?
SCNR... [g,d&r] :-P

[Bobbi]

The only problem I see is that, according to pictures you've posted, you would be banned from your own country per the "no thin pretty people" rule....

[Cath]

Tertia and Bee for Presidents! (could I perhaps be a presidential tea lady, oops i mean wine lady?)

xx

[leigh]

Hey - I was going to say that the poll results were unanimous so far - 4 out of 4 for Tertia, but then came the 5th vote.

Who is this Harry Potter fan ??

[Lioness]

Agreed, I think so as well. And Bonobos prove you right every day. Sadly, I'd have to go with Harry Potter, sorry abt that. Too irresistible. [Call yourself "Empress" and then we might talk] And what's wrong with talking abt what Johnny did all the time? Johnny leads such a mahvellous, fabulous life!

[Can a country be a "who" rather than a "which" or "that"?? I'll have a fit if I was taught wrong, gahhhh!]

[Danielle]

Tertia, I would v v much like to sign up either as a subject of your country or co-empress. Sounds divine. :)

[gretchen]

very cute!

[bad penguin]

I'd love to come live in your country. Can I start on the cocktails now?

[cyndy]

I'm moving to Tertialand! You got my vote! More Wine!

[Dani]

I'm not sure when I laughed harder... reading all of your hysterical (yet quite reasonable) proposals for ruling the land or when this thought about what we'd call your car-less friend entered my mind....

"Queen Bee".

Her name with the title has quite a 'sting' to it, huh? Oh my. She can't be Queen. If so, we'd have to change her name. Or maybe she could just choose one like the Pope does?

(okay... so I won't quit my day job for comedy.)

[Lovely K]

Ooooh that sounds WONDERFUL!! Can I be your princess and help you sip wine and feed you grapes (the ones that got away from being pressed for wine!) I know I'm G&D but I'm not thin so I wouldn't have to eat donuts - in fact, I'd make you both look GAUNT, so there's a good thing!! Pretty please?? Your everloving princess xx

[Tertia]

All those who voted for Harry Potter - OFF WITH THEIR HEADS, I say!

In fact, there's a new rule - Harry Potter is banned. We will have no Harry Potter in Tertialand. Subversive material. Wont have any of that.

[Kathy]

I'm sure the fact that all fertility treatments would be totally gov't funded (including meds) is a given? :)

[Lulu]

Well, my small but highly vocal baby will be pressing an awful lot of grapes in Tertialand... (About time she did something useful.)

Before I vote for you though, I need to know what your stance is on free chocolate?

Pxx

[Menita]

I'm sorry, but where is the Ministry of Chocolate? Don't force me to coup you. Because you know I will.

[L.]

Of course I voted for Queen G & D, but I have to admit, I`d take Harry Potter over Dubya any day!

(Dubya is my president and Arnold is my governor -what a concept. Is it real, or am I dreaming?)

Whenver I get frustrated with being an American, and feel like changing my citizenship (which I could easily do, since my husband is a citizen and employee of a foreign government), I remember this: as long as I`m American, I can VOTE. So I will stay!

[Judy]

YAY For you! YOu are winning in the polls! How many times can we vote?

[Panda]

Look, I've already made myself President of The Universe loooong ago, but I think you'd do a fine job of running the Department for Getting Tipsy.

[Miranda]

Talk about a landslide win!

[Carmen]

This was fun. I did my own version on my site, but it wasn't nearly as good as yours, natch.

[JZP]

"...fat would be the new thin." HA! Love that! Thanks for a great laugh.

[Stefanie]

So, in your pretend world, you're a drunk, too! LOL Just kidding! Couldn't resist.

I don't have time to drink. Dh is gone a lot and the kids would burn the house down if I wasn't paying attention. Enjoy!

[projgen]

Your Highnesses, may I request a kosher winery? Then I will gladly live in your kingdom, drink wine all afternoon, serve you with reverence and listen to you talk about your kids' poops all day.

[Georgia]

I'm submitting my application to be your Chief of Staff, or Secretary of State, or whatever it is you people over there call it.

[MollieBee]

Love it.