A dear friend of mine, the wonderful Janine, sister to my partner in crime Belinda, wife to the incredibly talented Scott, tentatively announced her pregnancy this week (tentatively because she skates very closely to the infertile line and has lost four babies already). Instead of the normal pang I get when I hear a pg announced (MUCH less of a pang when it is your (infertile) friend obviously), I feel decidedly nauseous. In fact, abject fear might have been closer to the truth.
I am not sure whether the first few weeks / months of motherhood scarred me permanently (I found it really tough), or whether I am just totally ‘done’, but I know now that I most definitely do NOT want another baby.
Its funny, because I always thought I would have as many kids as I could have (fertility allowing), instead I live in fear of accidentally falling pg. I know, I know – chances are miniscule of that happening (when you ovulate ONCE a year, chances are pretty slim that you will have sex on that day AND that you will get pg) but you never know.
And so I’ve decided to close down the factory, at least temporarily. I am having the Mirena fitted in a week’s time. I am actually so relieved to have made the decision. I really do not want another baby, not now, probably not ever.
Do you think I will feel like this forever? Those of you who went on to have more kids, did you feel like I do now, when the baby was 9 months and then change your mind? I keep wondering whether I will change my mind and want another, but the way I feel now, I really don’t think I will. I also want to know whether I should get rid of my baby stuff or keep it.
I’ve heard v good things about the Mirena. I hope it wont turn me into a (even bigger) bitch like the pill does.
Anyway, factory closed for now, perhaps forever, but definitely for now.
Feels weird, but it also feels right.