Celebrating Women

It’s Women Day today.  Here in South Africa women and women’s rights are strongly revered.  Although traditional culture is still strongly patriarchal, the government is very supportive of women’s rights and aims to entrench those rights into our constitution.  In fact I think SA is one of the countries with the highest number of women in top gov positions – our deputy president is a woman. Our foreign minister, our health minister – all women.  We get today off as a public holiday in celebration of women and the role they played in the struggle.

Speaking of culture, while it seems obvious that there are vast cultural differences between your and my culture, I think because we both speak English we forget that words have different meanings in different cultures.

I had no idea that fag was such a derogatory word there.  Here it is almost an affectionate term, although as some of you have said, it totally depends on the context and who is saying it.  It’s often not what you say, but how you say it.  To me ‘fag’ is like ‘asshole’ – I use both terms affectionately, although I do understand it could be negatively construed if you don’t know me.

I apologize to any one I may have unthinkingly offended, it was absolutely unintentional. 

Thank you to the people who wrote supportive things, and a special thank you to my darling gay readers who commented and emailed me privately and said they were not at all offended, that they took it in the spirit it was intended – affectionate ribbing.

Then to Catherine – I am sorry you were attacked, it is a shit feeling when you put your feelings out there and have people attack you and / or misinterpret you. 

It’s actually quite ironic, me being accused of being homophobic.  Cape Town (the city where I live) is actually known as, if not THE, then close to THE gay-friendliest city in the world.  We have a huge gay community, and in my partying days my friends and I were known as faghags because we used to hang out in the gay clubs and bars all the time.  The gay boys are so much fun.  A group of us used to hang out together and swap clothes and make up.  Boys and girls.  Fun.

Anyway, let me close off that discussion by saying I am v sorry if I have offended anyone by using the word ‘fag’, it was absolutely not my intention at all.  Thank you to those people who understood and who gave me the benefit of the doubt.  Lastly, let me assure you, once again, that I am not homophobic.  Can we finish that conversation now? 

Back to women and how amazing we are.  More specifically how amazing you all are. I got an update on the Help Rose Boob Fund from Boulder – can you believe this….you guys have contributed about $1500 so far!!!! I am totally blown away by your generosity, and so is Rose.  She is so cute, she ran to call her mom to tell her the amazing news.  We are all jumping up and down here!  With things going like they are, with your donations and the piece I will help her with, she won’t have to borrow money from her mom (who is a widow and has hardly any money herself). 

For someone who has never travelled outside of SA borders and who has never been on the Internet the fact that people from countries as far away as America, Britain, Australia etc can donate money to a stranger in SA is amazing to her.  She keeps asking me why you would want to help her.  I don’t know if I can come up with a complete enough answer.  I told her that people who read my blog love hearing about SA and love hearing about her and want to help.  It’s about women helping women. 

I love women, we are so strong, so powerful and yet so loving and supportive (well most of the time ;-) )  Women rock!

Thank you, from this woman, to all you women, for helping out another woman realize the dream to be more the woman she wants to be.

Comments

[Rosemary]

Well, that is exactly the reason I donated. The older I get, the more I realise just how much women need other women. When I moved to USA, I received so much love and support from so many women who had very little time to spare, but had big hearts. I saw an opportunity to do the same, albeit in a slightly different way. As they say in the movies "Pay it forward"

Besides, you know how much we love you and your babes, so anyone who obviously enjoys and cares for you guys as much as we do, deserves a leg up.

[colicmommy]

I like to donate to women's causes, but there's something really gratifying about helping someone you can "see". That really shouldn't make a difference, right? But it does to me and I think to most people. We see how happy you and Rose are, and we see that our few bucks actually is making a difference. I'm sure when I donate to organizations, my donations do make a difference. And I do that! But you can't see it as much.

I kind of believe in helping people both on the small and large scale. Like helping people in my city and donating to worldwide efforts. I think I see Rose as in "my city"! :)

[e]

There are plenty of faghags in England as well. Maybe the word has bad connotations in the US.

[Bridget]

Not in all parts of the U.S. - I live in the Northeast in the only state in the US that has legalized gay marriage (the rest of the US seems to think discrimination is just fine.) Fag is used here the same way it is in SA. Maybe it is a rural/urban or Northeast/rest of the US thing.

[Kez]

Three reasons I wanted to help Rose.

1. Been there, done that with the big boobs. I will help anyone have a breast reduction if they want it because the increase in the quality of life is phenomenal.

2. Any friend of Tertia's is a friend of mine. You are fond of her, so she must be special. And she helps you and the babes so much.

3. Again, the women helping women thing. To be supported by other women, no matter who or where they are, is a lovely feeling.

Betcha no Aussies took offence to the fag thing. We have similar senses of humour. We have faghags too - my mother is one.

[Woodys Girl]

How wonderful for Rose - hooray for woman! Did you make the appointment for November, then?

On an unrelated note, how's Adam doing? I was hoping for a Sleep Update today. ;-)

All the best to you, Rose, Marko and the Babes!

XO
Jennifer

[Judy]

Happy Women's Day to you, Tertia! Thank you for your inspiration and your passion for life.

Warmest congrats to Rose - women DO rock!

[Jenn]

I couldn't donate much, but hey, it's women day! Plus I think we've all been in a position where we could use a litte help. And it's very gratifying to be in the position to give a little help.

[Heather]

With all the shit that flies around on the internet, its wonderful to see that there are so many wonderful, caring people as well. $1500 is amazing!!

[Cathy]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Yay for women helping women (and the rest of the world)!

[Blondie]

Wow, for the US being so "advanced" you would think we'd have such a day!! I love the fact that a day is given off in appreciation of being a woman. How empowering to be recognized.

About Rose, I think her excitement is awesome! I pray that it won't be much longer until she's more comfortable... I have larger boobs and even though I affectionately call them my "girls"... Its not always the most convienent situation.

Good luck and thank you for the post!

[Nancy]

I just sent my $8.04 (ah, the joys of currency conversion!) Maybe you'll raise the full amount here, wouldn't that be exciting! I'm so happy for Rose.

[Courtney]

Just sent along my $10... I seriously hope all of your readers contribute something. As one poster put it the other day, think of it as a subscription fee for a daily read (if you really must rationalize it that way). And if everyone contributes, maybe even you won't have to contribute, which will save you money for hiring a temp when Rose is recuperating.

For me, I am just glad to reach out to someone who really needs something. Regardless of where we live, those of us who have access to the Internet tend to be better off on the economic scale. It is important that we keep in mind the power we have through the Internet, the power to effect positive change.

God knows we need more positive things in our life. And if my $10 can help someone live with greater health, increased ease, and pain-free, then I am always willing to contribute!

Please keep posting the monetary updates! If you need more, let us know. People have already posted that they will keep contributing, as will I.

Give Rose a hug from me/us and let her know that her guardian angel (you!) is working overtime for her!

[Beth]

Well, it's probably a good thing I was too busy to read the comments yesterday because I would have been jumping into the fray! I didn't think you meant anything at all by those comments about the doctor, I mean, if he flames, he flames! You're just stating a fact. Ah well, best not to start it up again. I will add that I had a whole house full of gay roommates in college and they called each other all sorts of nasty things but it was all in jest. Some of them are gone now, may they rest in peace.

Moving on to why I wanted to help Rose, there are several reasons. Like someone said above, any friend of yours is a friend of mine! Also, my boobs are at least 3-D so I can comiserate.

The part I love best is this global community you've tapped into here. I can't help her by myself but there's strength in numbers.
Seeing people come together from around the world to help one person, well, that just does my heart good!

How awesome that we've gotten her halfway there already! I was wondering where we were on that. Thanks for the update, that's very exciting news!

[sissy]

Just donated for Rose, used dh credit card and he doesn't even know it yet! Ha ha. I'll have to tell people dh contributed to another gal's boob job! I figure that helping Rose is a "pay it forward". When someone does something nice for you and you don't know how to repay them, its nice to "pay it forward", meaning do a good thing for someone else. It's a happy world - right? If Rose wasn't g&d you wouldn't of ever put her out there for us to help. So, figure Rose is one amazing lady that needs a break.

[Orange]

$1,500 is raised already? Hey, that's one boob's worth of surgery!

[shelleysmuse]

Just threw in my $10 to help Rose become the woman she wants to be.

Keep us posted on the grand total raised!

[Kathleen999]

Women's Day is very cool. Wish we had that here. We just pretend to honor women while keeping them back (my opinion).

My feeling is: if you can do some little thing for someone else and it makes their life better, why wouldn't you do it? And we are all going to enjoy knowing Rose is happier.

[KellyGreenT]

The reason I helped Rose is simple, because she truly needed it.

Women rock! Happy Woman's Day T!

[R]

I think my motivations were pretty selfish for donating, actually...doing it let me believe I was part of something good. I don't know...there is something about the internet that always amazes me. There's a lot of crap out there, obviously, but there is also this amazing capacity for bringing people together who would never otherwise have known each other. I'm all about a global community of women!

[toni]

I think it's so exciting to help Rose with her problem- because I think we've all been in situations that seem impossible. I have been the recipient of seemingly random kindness that has been life-altering. Rose must be a good person (besides putting up with Tertia)- to have the universe respond in such a significant way!

[Betsy]

Same as everybody else said. Now you should tell her that all the donations are refundable if she doesn't write her guest blog entry. (Actually, a few entries). It would be really fascinating to hear her story in her words.

[Louise M]

T, thanks for the update. $1500 is halfway there, did you make the date for the surgery. How awesome to be able to phone back the next working day and confirm the surgery... Shows the power of women helping women, and on a "Women's Day" holiday to boot. Just paying it forward...

[caitlin]

It's amazing that you can use something as self-serving as a blog for the greater good of women in general. Not only is it cathartic for you to write, it enlightens other people and even manages to help those in need. You've really got something good going here.

It's so interesting to hear about something like "women's day" in SA. I'm from Canada, and we don't have anything like that (not counting mother's day, which I don't think counts, since it celebrates only our baby-making function and excludes those of us who cannot or have not yet reproduced). It really says something about the nature of our culture that we lack something like that.

I'm so glad to see that your idea to help Rose is working. I donated to her cause because even though I don't know her, I know that my donation will actually help an individual. I always wonder what other organizations really do with the money and just how much of my donation will go the cause itself.

Also, I know that if a woman sincerely complains that her breasts are TOO BIG, she means it. I mean, you've gotta have some pretty mean sweater-tigers to actually think they're too big. I think that's about as best as I can explain my reasons for helping Rose, and I hope you make up the rest of your goal as quickly as you got to the first half.

[Pazel]

I wish we had a Woman's Day here too, but it would probably get turned into some hallmark and flowers holiday that wouldn't come close to its real meaning. I hope you have a wonderful Woman's Day.

p.s. From the San Francisco Bay area, and was not alarmed or surprised at all by your post. I thought it was a great description. I had a clear picture of him in my mind. Sounded like other people I know and love.

Love you lots. Glad Adam is figuring out this sleep thing.

[Carrie Jo]

Women's day is a great idea. Wish the US would follow SA's example. I'm so thrilled about Rose's donation progress and will be able to pitch in tomorrow.

[Lisa]

Meh. I was a fag hag too. I never even considered that you might be homophobic for using the term fag.

I also had breast reduction surgery- when I was 20. It was great! What a relief... if I'd only had it done earlier. (I also breast fed my son for 31 months post reduction surgery with the help of a supplemental nursing system.)

I'm trying to donate to Rose, but my Paypal acct. limit has been exceeded and my overly cautious husband won't verify our account. I'll find another way.

[cheryl b.]

Ahh, spending 10 of Mark's dollars never felt so good. Lets just keep it our little secret though......
If Rose is really not sure why so many strangers would do this for her let her know that for me at least most of it is how much she loves your darling babes. And like Kez said, any friend of yours is a friend of ours.

[reenie]

You are a woman worth celebrating.

[Anne]

Yup just tell Rose it’s about women helping women. It’s about knowing that if I needed that kind of surgery I could get my insurance to cover it (although I may need to haggle with the insurance people a bit). It’s about knowing that as tight as things may feel financially for me I know that I'm really very fortunate and I really can afford to help my fellow (wo)man. It’s about good karma I guess – you know it makes you feel good to do something nice for someone else, and really the dollars I’ll contribute just amount to giving up a few trips to Starbucks (oh such a hardship). And it’s about being a Tertia fan, hey I’d end up paying more for a daily newspaper/magazine subscription.

As far as the fag controversy goes, I’ve heard it used both ways here, it all depends on who’s using and how. I really took no offense and it’s use just really helped to paint a picture of Rose’s doctor. Truth be told I’m not sure if I really like him, it’s not the gay thing, it’s the instance on speaking Afrikaans, what a way to put your patient at ease and maybe a tad bit racist? (or am I just projecting things that aren’t really there).

[usako]

Happy Women's Day, Tertia :)

[Sol]

Happy Women Day, Tertia!
You are a remarkable lady and I love your honest soul so much! You are doing a great service to the IF community in general and to me specifically with your writing and, as someone stated above, this is my humble attempt to "pay it forward".
I know my donation after conversion from Argentinian Peso to dollars may not be worth much, but from the bottom of my heart I mean to help and I know every little bit counts toward the greater goal. Hoping you will have the full amount that Rose needs in a couple of days! Come on

Sol

[girlh]

yeah! $1500 that is superb!

Happy Women's Day to you and Rose. Both of you are G&D.

xo
h

[projgen]

I'll have to help with spirited online moral support - $5 is two meals for me and my hubby. But you guys are just awesome! First Julie's shower, now this.

Re: the language thing. I watch House Doctor, a British show with an American designer, and there was a recent outtake where the designer walked into a room and said to the host, "doesn't this give you the willies?"

From the horrified look on the host's face, she clapped her hand over her mouth and said, "you don't use that word here, do you?"

Funniest thing I've seen in a long time!

Happy Women Day, Tertia and Rose!

[STEPHANIE]

I'm not really a religious person, but god works in mysterious ways. I think the primary way in which He works is through his people. And if his son can turn water into wine, then this group of women should be able to make another woman's breasts smaller! I mean, it's not wine, but...hey, we're not god, either ;-)

[Egg Donor]

Stephanie - you made me laugh out loud. That's so funny.

[Mindymax]

I donated and was happy too - and it shows the power we all have to change a life, if we all just pitch in a little bit. Now if we, the readers of Tertia's blog could just convince the rest of the world - those that are able should help who they can, when they can. We could eradicate hunger, disease, and so much more. (I know it's schmaltzy, but it's how I feel...we CAN make a difference).

I'll donate again next payday! Yeah, Rose!

[Suzie-Q.]

I think that anything that keeps the keeper of Tertia's twinks happy is a good cause! If Rose is happy, then Adam and Kate are happy and if Adam and Kate are happy then Tertia is happy!
Happy, happy, happy!!!
I am more interested in Tertia's happiness than in Rose's, frankly (although i like the idea of helping her too!).
Anything that can make a v. difficult situation better for a twin mommy is worthwhile.

[Shylah]

You can tell Rose (from another of your American readers) that our desire to help doesn't have anything to do with whether or not we know her. It's because we can relate to her. Everyone's been through hard times, everyone's needed something desperately but couldn't get it without help. The best way to say thanks for the help I've gotten is to help someone else who needs it. (Oh, and also, because she helps to keep our beloved Tertia sane so that she can write more for us. Selfish? Yeah, but everyone's entitled to a bit of selfishness, right?)

[andrea]

You do realise if women ran the world it would be so much eaiser - we identify the problem (in this case huge boobs) and then we arrange to fix it..no war, no worries - just a doctor and some $$$

[Luann]

Congratulations on the donations for Rose. Wish I could get a big enough following to fund my adoption!

So glad to hear adam is sleeping better.