Dear Manufacturer of Baby Clothes

Since recently becoming a mother, I’ve noticed that the people in your design department seemed to have made a few seemingly obvious design flaws in the manufacture of your baby clothes.  Either that or they have a particularly warped sense of humour.

If I may, I would like to bring the following design flaws to your attention:

Bibs
First of all, how completely silly, not to mention extremely impractical, is it to have strings that you need to tie at the back of bibs.  Have you ever tried to tie a bow in the back of a bib when you have a newborn with a floppy neck?  You need two hands to tie the bow, one hand to support the neck and the other hand to hold the baby.  Spot the error.  Use Velcro, or even better, have a side fastening bib.

Strings
Actually, now that I think of it, don’t have strings on any thing to do with babies.  We all know strings are dangerous around babies, so don’t put strings in/on your clothes. 

Fluffy clothes
Fluffy clothes for babies are just plain silly.  Especially fluff near the face.  It is so easy for pieces of fluff to end up in the baby’s mouth or eyes.  You know how irritating it is to have a piece of fluff on your tongue.  Now imagine having a piece of fluff in your mouth and not being able to take it out.  No fluff, ok?

Clothes that are warm on the outside only
Some cheaper manufacturers (not YOU of course) make warm clothes with the warm bits on the outside only.  So that when mom handles the clothes in the shop they feel all warm and divine but the bit that’s next to the baby’s skin is not soft or warm.  Not very nice.

No poppers in the nappy area
Again, how silly.  This weekend I went shopping for some warm outfits for the babes as it is getting colder now.  I saw some lovely all-in-one warm outfits that would have been perfect (they even had the warm bits on the inside!), except they had no poppers at the bottom.  So every time you want to change a nappy you have to take the whole outfit off.  This would be silly enough in summer, but in winter?  HELLO!!  I never buy clothes that do not allow for easy, fuss-free nappy changes.  There is little enough time in the day as it is.

Small necklines
Ok, I am not sure if your designers know this, but babies have big heads.  Seriously.  All babies.  It’s a fairly well known fact.  Plus new babies generally have big heads and very floppy necks.  Which makes putting on any outfit with a small neck very very difficult.  Would you like me to dress you in a top with a small neckline?  Having to yank and pull the top over your face so that some of your skin gets scraped off your nose?  No?  Well then make wider necks or envelope-style necklines.  Forgive me if I sound a little irritated. Sleep deprivation will do that to you.

Frilly / fancy necklines
I am not sure if you’ve noticed, but the words ‘long’ and ‘slender’ are seldom used when speaking about baby’s necks.  So all those frills etc on the neckline are a complete waste as they are largely hidden among the many folds of the neck.  Additionally, because their heads are so close to their necklines the frills etc either irritate their face, or alternatively act as collection points for left over food or old spit up.

Waistbands
Stop making the waistbands of leggings and pants so small.  You should know by now that babies have tummies like big round cheeses.  Would you like to have a tight waistband around your middle all day? No?  I thought not.

Dressy / fussy outfits
I know you make these outfits because some suckers people actually buy them, but they really are a waste of money.  So the kid looks cute, but he is also probably uncomfortable and the mother irritated because it takes a half an hour to put on and take off.  Kids look cute in any thing any way.

Itchy/ scratchy material
Babies’ skins are very delicate.  Don’t use itchy or scratchy material, no matter how cute / trendy.  Even better, use material that doesn’t require any ironing, if you really want to impress us.

Zips
Zips are not only perilous when on baby clothes - think tender pieces of baby skin caught between the teeth of the zipper (there’s a clue right there, ‘teeth’), but the metal zips are cold and uncomfortable against the baby’s skin.  Zips are entirely unnecessary.  Don’t use zips.  What’s wrong with good old Velcro or poppers?

Dress suits for little boys
You know the ones with the full accessories including tie and waistcoat?  Not only is it extremely naff, bordering on cruel, to dress your son like this, why would you want your child to wear something even grown men claim is not the most comfortable thing to wear. 

Sexy outfits for girls
Ok, so this is a personal bugbear of mine, but I do not think ‘sexy’ outfits are at all appropriate for little girls.  Sex / sexy should never be associated with a baby or child.  Ever.  Lines need to be drawn.  Don’t even go there.

Ridiculously expensive outfits
You do know that the reason the outfit is marked 0-3 months, or 3-6 months is because the clothes only fit for a maximum of 3 or 4 months?  Stop making them so expensive. 

Sizes
Lastly, could we get some standardization around here?  Last time I looked 6-8 kg babies whose mothers shopped at your store were the same size as 6-8 kg babies whose mothers shopped at the other stores.  Why do the sizes vary so much between stores?  Do you people not talk?

Must I do ALL the thinking around here???

Here’s a novel idea – how about actually trying out some of your designs on real babies before you manufacture hundreds of them?

Signed:

Harrased Mother

Comments

[Mare_Imbrium]

Here's one that you will encounter if you haven't already:

One company's 3-6mos (or 12 mos, or in my case, 24 mos/2T) is NOT the same as some other companies. So that really cute outfit you bought your baby in what you thought was a "big" size will fit him exactly two times.

Also, I love:
"You should know by now that babies have tummies like big round cheeses." So true!

That you call them "poppers" (in at least the Western U.S. we call them "snaps")

[Melany]

This was brilliant! You should send a copy to every damn store in South Africa

[G&D Kirsty]

You go girl! Can you please send that to BabyGap and Mothercare over in UK too! And thanks, I've printed it out and will take it with me whenever I need to buy my friends baby presents... another page to add to my 'what to do when finally have baby' book ;)) xx

[Amanda]

I also wish the sizes were the same for all companies! And that they had a litle more wiggle room! My 8 month old is in some 18 month old clothing yet he is considered average on the weight charts...whats with that? And do they seriously think I'm going to buy a piece of clothing with a 1.5 pound weight range? He gains that in a month!

I made the mistake of sorting all the clothing we received as gifts by "months" rather than weight. When we were ready to move into 6-9 month clothing (at 4 months no less) based on one company (the primary brand we were using) we found out almost everything from other brands he had already out grown. How frustrating!

[whitney]

I have one......

Buttons--especially in rows of 3 or more. Forget buttons AND zippers, just put snaps (poppers) on everything!! You think it's hard trying to button/zip up around a floppy neck, wait until they are 18-months-old and can run away!

Love this entry!! Too funny.

[Natalee]

I don't know about S.Africa, but here in the US, you can find bibs w/velcro fasteners. I'll have to send you some, if you don't have any already.

You make wonderfully valid points, proving once again what a G&D genius you are!

[Jen (yup, another one)]

LOVE IT!! You are so brilliant and funny!

My addition:
Stop with all the pink and blue. Some is ok, but please, let's have some more non-gendered clothing. We don't have to put people in little boxes from the moment they're born!

[Jan]

The best bibs we had were handmade by my mother-in-law. They were like little smocks that went over the head like a shirt. Very nice coverage and nothing to tie or fasten, so the baby can't choke herself trying to yank it off. (And her older brother can't choke her trying to do same.)

[Angela]

I HATE outfits without access to the diaper. I still do, but now it's the issue of getting it BACK on since he can run away now. He runs as soon as the diaper is off though, so I'm not sure diaper access would help that any...

Clothing gets no easier as they hit toddler. Without a diaper my son wears 18 months (he's 27 months) and with a diaper he can snuggly fit into a 3T...that's a two size difference for a diaper! Maybe they could cut the material a little more generously in the diaper area?

[Luann]

too funny tertia

[Kam]

Oh, yeah, this b*tch session is right up my alley. Can I join in? Your upgrades would be sooooo helpful. Here are some more:

No more buttons or snaps or ties in the back. Don't they know that babies lie on their backs? How would they like to lie on a row of buttons most of the day?

And can we stop having poor children sew rich children's clothes? Why is Fair Trade clothing so hard to find?

And polyester in sleepwear? Um, that stuff melts to the skin when it burns, or it has to be covered in carcinogenic chemicals. Hmmm. Can't we have another choice? Can we just ban synthetic materials from baby clothes all together? (or maybe this is just a problem in super-litigious America)

And can you stop advertising your store/dumb character/company/product line on my baby's clothes? S/he'll be a billboard for your corporate greed soon enough.

And baby shoes. Okay, that's just too silly for comment. Who actually uses them, anyway?

I feel better now. Thanks, T. I think we should compile a list and send them to every baby clothes manufacturer out there. Just to help out where we can, you know. ;)

[Jody]

My contribution: no more size 9 months. What is that? It never fits any baby for more than three days. Why bother?

Also, and this isn't for the manufacturers but for the retailers, don't stock baby clothes according to grown-up "seasonal" stuff. Babies have growth spurts. The parents of babies cannot possibly know in January what size summer clothes their child will wear in August (or, erm, winter clothes). Why are all the summer baby clothes gone by July? Stop doing that!

Poppers. I love it. I'm envisioning that on the sign over the notions aisle at the sewing store. Hee hee.

[Mollie]

Sorry, but I love zippers.

I agree with you on everything else, though. Well said.

The best bib I ever had (have) is from the Hanna Andersson calalogue... "Mimi The Sardine" brand. It's oilcloth, but not the super-shiny kind, with a pocket and velcro neck. Amazing thing.

Too bad they don't make them in your size, T, what with all the drooling you do.

[21stCenturyMom]

Poppers and nappies (or is it nappys) - do you have any idea how exotic and fun that sounds to a yank? Love it.

The very best bib I ever used was basically a hand towel witha hole in the middle that had stretchy ribbing sewn to it. You could easily pull it over the baby's head and it had great coverage.
Here:
http://www.babyant.com/bc011052.html

Can't recommend them enough.

[Courtney]

Adding to the previous comment about all pink and blue.. how about this as well.

For boys (since I have a boy), PLEASE stop doing so much sports stuff! Again, let's throw out the boxes and stop compartmentalizing our children before they can even walk and talk! And why is the boys section so much more limited than the girls section? Try finding a formal outfit for your son for a friend's wedding! I try to find gender neutral clothing, with lots of animals, and the occasional rocket or dinosaur theme, since I don't have much choice once I eliminate most of the sports stuff. But I honestly look with longing at the girls clothing since that section is easily 5 times the size of things for boys.

Anyway, just had to add that to the list. Thanks for letting me vent!

[mopsy]

I hear you on the sexy clothes for little girls. My daughter is nearly eight and I have been sickened by some of the things sold in stores for girls her age---short shorts that say "Brat" on the butt, tummy-baring halters, platform shoes, tight t-shirts with phrases like "cherry pie" and "not an angel" on the front.

If baby clothes aren't 100% cotton, I'm not interested. My youngest babies lived in soft onesies and blanket sleepers for their first six months.

[Julia]

One handy tip I learned from a friend early on: The onsies that do have the envelope-style neckline can be put on from the FEET UP! Thereby effectively bypassing the ominously large and floppy head. It makes perfect sense since their tiny rears are only half the circumference of their heads. This tip saved me when Banana was tiny.

[Nopenname]

Seriously the size difference thing drove me batty. Everyone would always ask me what size she wore, I'd have to say "Between 6 months and 12 months depending." Also because my child has the longest torso and shortest legs EVER. She can fit a good two sizes larger in shirts but pants are still a size smaller. Forget capris she'll never be able to wear her size in capris with her shorty mcshort legs.

Also Toddler clothes with any kind of button. What the hell? Like it's not enough that she's pushing at my face and kicking her feet like I'm giving her spanish inquisition style torture every time I take her jammies off and put her clothes on, but now I have to button umpteenmillion buttons.

[Leigha]

I actually have bibs that are velcro AND side fastening! I found them when I went to the Carter's outlet store, and they are the best things ever. I got rid of all of the ones that I had that were snaps (poppers) and replaced them with these fabulous side velcro models.

[Jennifer]

I never understood the bibs that tie?? We only buy velcro one and have a bunch that velcro on the side. My daughter is now 15mos and the thing that is bugging me lately is the swimsuits. Why don't they put snaps(poppers in the bottom of swimsuits? It's a pain to peel a wet suit off of a baby to change her diaper. Snaps would be soo much easier.

[Pam]

Great list, but I have to respectfully disagree with the zipper thing. I loved zippers when my kids were babies, esp. in the middle of the night. Snaps (poppers?) just took too long!! I'm all for things that ZIP! :)

Otherwise, good suggestions. :)

[Summer]

If I had my own children's clothing line, I'd make a zillion dollars with my brilliant idea: make the snaps on the legs of baby sleepers different colors. It's so hard to line them up properly, especially, it seems, if one has a penis. My husband never managed to get all the snaps lined up correctly. If each set of snaps was a different color, it would be so much easier.

Yes, I've got to call them snaps. Maybe I spent too much time reading the gay newspaper in London, but "poppers", to me, means amyl nitrate capsules that gay men inhale to make sex more comfortable. Just can't use that term in reference to baby clothes. (Must apologize, just got back from a party at the Russian embassy and am slightly drunk. At 2 in the afternoon. Yay.)

[Tine]

You tell 'em, girlfriend. I'm with you on zippers, by the way. My boy has suffered a few nasty zipper bites thanks to his clumsy, sleep-deprived parents. And now that he's old enough to operate the zippers himself, they NEVER stay zipped!

[Pazel]

Sizing shoud be universal - so a 3-6 month is the same for all manufacturers. And I hate those ones sized "3 months" because I don't know whether they should go with the 0-3 months or the 3-6 months clothes. AND, my babies never fit in the newborn or 0-3 month clothes at all yet everyone gives me that size as presents. Please rethink the sizing.

Second, what is the deal with jammies that have the buttons in the back. After cramming him into this outfit I have to roll him on his stomach to button him up then roll him back? Maybe this is fine for the occassional pretty dress, but for pajamas this is ridiculous.

Third, why are all the boy clothes in themes of either sports, bugs, machines or dinosaurs and girls clothes are flowers, fruit, or butterflies. Can't girls love bugs or sports? And why is it hard to find baby girl clothes in primary colors? My son's clothes are all baby blue until 6 months when they all turn primary. Can't we play with the designs and colors a little more?

Fourth, what is the deal with the receiving blankets that are too small for an effective swaddle? The ones I stole from the hospital are the right size so it's not a mystery to everyone. Just impossible to find for purchase.

Great post!

[CursingMama]

You've got me with the "sexy" clothes. My daughter is 9, and buying her a swim suit was a NIGHTMARE! Heck, buying anything is a nightmare...almost everything is designed so your child looks like a prostitute in training.

Poppers = snaps: I love it and will now switch it in my vocabulary and drive people nuts with it. I like to sound "continental", it makes my swearing not seem so bad.

[Judy]

I can't believe no one has mentioned this one yet....

Where are the clothes that are baby-puke in color? And, when are they coming out with the Mommy-line of said color? I'm so tired of running around town with my puke-covered shoulder and my puke-covered baby - just make the clothes that off-white/creamish color until they hit about 6 months old, then go for the pea-green and carrot-color! All of our clothes end of those colors anyway!

[Anonymous]

Oh, I hate the Velcro on baby bibs (we have lots in America)! It's rough and once your babes have enough hair, it'll get caught in the Velcro. Plus, if they fall asleep in the highchair, you'll wake them up with the "rrrriiiiippp" noise. We have great bibs (bought the three we found at our local Wal-Mart, then drove to another state to hit one up there and bought six more) that are easy to wipe down (no need for a washing machine), have two snaps (poppers) at the neck (to adjust the size) and a fabulous large pocket at the front that snaps in four places - when unsnapped, it lays flat so you can clean it completely. A must have at about $4.00 each!

Oh, and blankies that are only big enough to swaddle a 6 pound baby. I had my aunt make a couple bigger ones. There's nothing like trying to nurse a one year old in public with a tiny little washcloth-sized blanket over his head and my breast!

[patty]

I wish they'd give up sizing by age entirely. My 2-year-old is on the tiny side; she just recently started wearing 18-month-sized clothing, but she still got a bunch of darling 2T outfits she won't be able to wear until the season changes, thus making the outfit unwearable. Why can't they size by weight? Or height? (Like Hanna Anderson — love them!) Eliminate the stupid age-sizing!

[Sarcastic Journalist]

Nothing says "I love my baby" more than having her dress like a slut. Its totally hot. RE: The Velcro bibs? I hate them. Its only snaps in this house where She Who Hates The Bib can take it off in one swipe.

[unexplained]

Unrelated to baby clothes - I LOVED the SitePal pop-up! It doesn't pronounce Tertia correctly (assuming the first syllable is supposed to rhyme with "fur" and not "hair"), but it did say perfectly that she is gorgeous and divine, AND that Julie is an asshole :).

[Kat]

Loved this post!

I prefer snaps (poppers) on bibs over Velcro. The velcro is scratchy and irritating on that delicate baby skin.

And who suggested sizing by weight instead of age? Genius, I say!!! Let's start a mass mailing to every baby-clothes manufacturer out there.

[Monique]

I don't have kids yet, but I don't have to to know that this post was spot-on. Especially the parts about the scratchy materials and the feels-good-to-the-parent-in-the-store-but-
uncomfortable-to-the-baby and the sexy-outfits-for-little-girls complaint. *Especially* that last one. My god, it's hard enough for a parent when they start acting sexy at twelve, let alone any younger!

[MollieBee]

"Sex / sexy should never be associated with a baby or child. Ever. Lines need to be drawn. Don’t even go there."

Preach it sistah!

Used to be, you had to worry about your pre-teen or teenager in regards to sexy clothes. Now Mary Kate and Ashley have them looking like coked out hookers starting at size 4T.

[z.]

No poppers in the nappy area
The first time I read that I thought: WTF?. No poop in nappy area? Isn't that a cool thing? Sorry but I'm having a slow day.
And "nappy" is a word that makes me giggle :)

[jenni]

The whole neckline thing is absolutely right. My son Pat has an abnormally large head, always have, and I've had to cut the neckline.

Pretty clothes are for the 20 minute picture escapade! Nothing else. My kids drool and dribble way to much to keep them "pretty".

You're hilarous.

[andrea]

Am so with you on the inappropriataly sexy girls clothes - it is my pet peeve to see babies dressed like mini Britney's. As far as clothes go I love Pumpkin Patch - maybe only Oz, UK and NZ?

[neety]

Dearest Tertia, totally unrelated to this post but...
I was food shopping on Monday night, and while we were waiting in the queue, I saw Reader's Digest, and it was the one you and Julie were in! And I went, oh my god, oh my god, look sweety, that's Tertia, that's the woman who's blog I read every day, wow!!
Anyway, it was funny, coz I felt like, that's MY Tertia, I know her...which I don't REALLY but I did more than the other people in the queue, who probably thought I was mental.
So yay! I saw you in Reader's Digest!!
:-)

[AtlantaDebbie]

I used to work in an upscale children's clothing store. We sold Syliva White, Ance K (can't remember the spelling of that), Christian Dior, etc.

Some brands would intentionally make the size "older" than average. You know, like a three month old baby would wear a size 6mo. The manufacturers discovered that parents, and especially father-parents, and grandparents, just luvved to say how advanced/big their child was. It made them happy to say their average-sized baby was wearing a size ahead of their age.

Sylvia White is a beautiful brand, and did not do the size-inflation, and we had a hard time selling it. We could only sell it to people who had children who actually were bigger than average for their age.

Sizes are weird for us grown women here in the States, too. Some upscale stores make the sizes very small so that an average woman can get a kick out of being a 4 or a 6. But then some other upscale stores make the sizes smaller, so that only very tiny skinny modely-looking women have a chance to wear their clothes. Their 4's and 6's would be 0's and 2's in another store.

Men have it so darned easy. Their clothes are all in inches here. Neck measurement, waist measurement, inseam measurement, done.

[andrea]

How can a grown woman be an 0 that's bloody ridiculous - what next -1 for really skinny chicks?

[gwendo]

Can I add to your very thoughtful and thorough description of complaints??
ANYTHING that closes (zips, snaps, buttons) in the BACK!!! Not only is it torturous to put on, but babies spend most of their time ON their backs...why on earth would they want to LIE ON a row of metal teeth or snaps or large clownish lumpy buttons?
And this means YOU, 'Little Me' manufacturers of Macy's sold clothing!!!!!

[amber]

Wow - this is all excellent feedback. I am a mom and I AM starting a baby clothing manufacturing business. A lot of this is intuitive, from being a mom, and a lot of it these gripes are the REASON I want to start my own business (aside from keeping my kids out of daycare and following my dreams).
On the standard sizes, as a mom not coming from the manufacturing industry, you'd be surprised how hard it is to GATHER the info on standard sizes. And the other side of the coin is that BABIES aren't standard sizes...my baby was 6 lbs when born, a friend's 10 lbs - but both are 0-3 months, right? But this feedback tells me that it'd be much better to at least list wieght in addition to the month sizes.
I DO test on my own babies, on real children. My goal is to make cute WEARABLE clothes that will last longer than a 3 month stint.
When I was first testing out my designs, selling a few through ebay, it became immediately obvious that every baby is a different size. My daughter was tall, and petite. 12 month would fit for length, but WAY to big in the waist.
I really appreciate finding this string...the most valuable input we can get is from mothers and their babies.
Some things that seem 'duh' to you, the consumer, just aren't when you get wrapped up in doing the designs. A lot of the big manufacturers are just too far removed from reality, something I hope works in my advantage.
As for 'grown woman in a 0' - I have a friend who is a grown woman and wears a boy's lg shirt. We ALL come in all shapes and sizes...
I have started a blog on starting a manufacturing business, www.babyfabulous.com/blog. if you ever want to give me more ideas of mom's NEEDS for their baby's clothings, drop me an email at amber@babyfabulous.com. Since I'm just prepping for launch, there's hope I can get it right before I go down the wrong track. This is my first ever response to a blog, so excuse me if I rambled too much..