Mothers Day

So it’s Mother’s Day today.  My first Mother’s Day as a mother to live babies.  The day I have been waiting for for so long.  Why does it feel so blah?

I don’t know whether it is because Marko and I generally don’t get terribly excited about any of the special ‘days’ (even Christmas leaves us pretty unexcited) or it’s because I have dreaded the day for so long now that I just can’t get excited about it.  Maybe it is because I know how hard this day is for so many of my infertile friends.

Or perhaps it is because I am just so busy mothering, that I don’t actually have time to sit around and feel all special on a commercially driven ‘special’ day.

Mother’s Day.  So what? Maybe it will feel better when the kids are bigger and I can guilt them into buying me lavish gifts?  I don’t know.  Is it me or is Mother’s Day just an opportunity for Hallmark et al to make some money?

But then again, I am quite possibly THE most unromantic person in the world.  Well second most.  Marko is worse*. 

Happy Mother’s Day to the mothers.  To my infertile friends, Happy You Day.  I know MD is hard for you.  Drink wine, spend money on yourself (perhaps buy some new pointy shoes Naked Ovary style), do something fun and I hope more than any thing next year you get to celebrate MD officially.  Even if it is all very naff and commercial.

*When it comes to gift buying, I have to tell Marko exactly what I want, and where to buy it.  Or else he gets cross with me.  So for my first MD, I told him that I didn’t really want a gift, but I suppose after waiting so long, we better do something.  I told him to get me a nice photo frame that I could put a cute pic of the babes in.  He gets home today and says “you will have to go choose your own frame, I went to three shops and they all had shitty ones and I got irritated and left”.  My little romantic beast.  I did get a card though. 

Comments

[Ingrid]

Happy Mother's Day, T!!!!

It's always been a Hallmark-driven non-event around here. There are only two periods where it's cool:

When your kids hit preschool through about 2nd grade and make you wonderfully mushy cards and adorable homemade necklaces and they are all excited to give them to you, because you, YOU, are the center of their universe and they are old enough to express this.

And when they outgrow this and your husband feels bad they are taking you for granted and therefore buys you something wonderful and expensive, like my new Bose Sound system for my Ipod.

Other than that? Eh, use it as an excuse to do something fun for yourself.

[Karen]

I have hated Mother's Day for so long I can't imagine that I will enjoy it much when I finally become a mother.

I am glad you are getting to have your first Mother's Day.....and I think you should buy the most expensive frame available for your babes! You and they deserve it!!

Happy Mother's Day!

[blackbird]

Mothers Day is all bullshit...
nonetheless, there you are -- a mother.
You should at least celebrate that. (and I know that you do)
blessings.

[SheilaC]

Happy, happy Mother's Day! Maybe it will always be a bitter-sweet day for you, because of your losses and infertility journey. Especially the first year, it felt that way for me. I still go to church on this day, and am glad to feel happy instead of angry, and offer prayers for all those struggling with infertility, losses, premature babies, children in hospital, etc. And for those who have broken relationships with their moms, or who are mourning for their moms. There are many people who find this day difficult.

But certainly hand-made preschool cards and sticky hugs and kisses are terrific, and our kids get huge delight from secret shopping trips with Daddy, making crafts at preschool for mommy, etc. One day you will see! For now, you deserve some pampering and some moments to sit and reflect and be proud of the journey that brought you to this point, to being mom to your adorable babies.

I'd vote for a beautiful picture frame, with a picture of YOU holding your babies. (Very few such pictures of me exist, because I'm usually the one holding the camera.) I treasure the ones I have.

Best wishes,
from a proud mom of triplets after infertility.

[allison]

my hubby sounds like Marko, he wants an itemized list of what I want and in what order of importance. he HATES it when I say "just surprise me!"

Anyway, even though you're not terribly big on 'special days' , I hope you and your family have a good one. :-)

[MamaPajama]

My favorite MD card is from my daughter when she was about 6 or 7. It's a rather large and romantic card, really high on the tacky side. I'm sure it's not by a Hallmark. It says, "To my LOVER...... "

While I know it was purchased with money my ex sent to her, I doubt she knew that it was intended for a more mature audience. She's 28 now and single, and I'm waiting for the right time to show it to her and embarrass her.

[Becki]

I tend to look at Mother's Day in the same way I look at Black History Month and Women's History Month in the U.S.: some government official said to his cronies, "Look, we don't really want to give these people any ACTUAL support or power, so let's just dedicate a day or a month or whatever to them and get 'em the hell off our backs."

Having put in my two bitter little cents, I hope you have a really lovely day. Enjoy the adorable babes.

[Sheri]

I've never liked MD....too many spent crying and wishing I was a mother.Then after I became a mother, I still cried for all those who still weren't. However, this is the first year my daughter made me something in her own writing. I posted it on my blog if you are into that type of stuff. It really melted my hard, bitter MD heart. I think I might enjoy it from now on.

We don't do anything special on this day though. I got a card and some earring from my daughter (through hubby) and cleaned out the rolling dumpster (my mini-van).

Try to enjoy you day Tertia!
All the best

[Judy]

Hey, Happy Mother's Day to you! Perhaps your best gift is the time you spend with the kiddos...that's my gift today!

[Lisa C.]

Oh I have a Marko, but he has a different name. We suck at presents. I usually just make him some special food like a cake or cookies. He has to be told, in detail, about every gift I want. Otherwise I get flowers. I'm kind of getting tired of flowers, but I appreciate that he wants to do something. It is also frustrating to give him a precise list of everything I want. Why can't he just buy something? I feel your pain.

My family has always made a big deal out of stupid holidays, mainly because we like hanging out with each other, and love an excuse to eat out and spend money. I don't think MD is this do-or-die holiday, though. It is what you make of it.

Either way, Happy Mother's Day!

[Suz]

Happy Mother's Day to you, Marko, and the babes!

We make our own holidays - we always celebrate birthdays, graduations, and the dates that make sense to us over those on the calendar.

[Christine K]

Happy first Mother's Day! Glad you finally made it. I know what you mean about feeling bad for so long that it's hard to start feelingn good about it.

My first MD, my husband got me really nice earrings - but I'd delivered our nearly 11 pound son a week earlier, so I think he felt I deserved something pretty momentous. The next year I don't remember very much. But the last two - OMG, I have the most wonderful mental pictures that I hope I hold onto forever. Both years, they let me sleep in and I woke up to Josh opening the door to my bedroom with this enormous grin, holding the card he and Daddy just made, leading in The Man With the Food. Last year I think they cooked for me. This year they went out for doughnuts and coffee. Whatever comes after is never as sweet as that wonderful little face peeking in the door smiling. I hope they keep this up for as long as he's willing to do it!

I'm actually laughing at my MD this year - other than the great wakeup, I seem to be celebrating the anti-mother's day and I'm LOVING it!! They left me alone around 10 to go run some errands and generally get out of my hair. I puttered around the house, did some cleaning, did some painting, went grocery shopping. They came back around 3. We played some, but I'm leaving around 6 to meet some girlfriends for dinner. How sad is it that my wonderful mother's day is being spent almost completely without spending any time with my three year old? But it really is a nice break for me and the absolute perfect "gift".

I think, Hallmark or not, you should try to come up with something nice for yourself every year on this day - personally I"m a fan of the sleeping late option. It's free, takes no pre-planning on Marko's part, and it's such a wonderful experience!!!

[bj]

We just did our first child-driven mother's day today. My daughter is 4 1/4 years old now, and has very specific instructions of what one should do on mother's day, and she followed through on them. Up until now, they've been mostly papa-driven, with a few inclusions from the girl. But, today, she had a list of things she wanted to do -- bring me breakfast in bed, get me a gift (a flower necklace, that was her plan), and make me a card (she's made several, many of which feature pictures of me and the rest of the family -- and I'm wearing a flower necklace). I'd already gotten up to make a phone call early in the morning, so I crawled back into bed to wait for them. The came in with the tray, and singing a mother's day song, and piled into the bed (yes, I got the orange juice spilled on my new white quilt :-\).

I think the day will seem less blah when it's your kids who are celebrating. I suspect that lasts about 6 years, before they start hating you in the midst of adolescence.

bj

[Kristin]

Happy Mother's Day...I love doing simple things with my family for these days. This year we picked strawberries as a fmaily to clebrate Mother's Day.

[andrea]

I think it gets better as they get older - the handmade card, burnt toast etc makes it special (well for me anyway!)

[dawna]

At least he went to a store by himeself! I have to pick out my gifts, at the store. I have to be there in person. I could even give him a detailed list of exactly what I wanted and he would say "but what if I get the wrong one?" I guess it's a downfall of his being previously married to someone that nothing was ever good enough for. I'm okay with it though, I get to go pick out a bunch of stuff, and I don't have to wait for the holiday to get it. I know what I'm getting, and I can have it right then.

[maia]

It DOES get better with age. Today was my best one yet. Breakfast in bed made with great delight by my daughters, (AFTER they let us sleep in, bonus points), hubby tidied up the house while I drank coffee and showered. Then did a little fiber shopping at a friends home (I spin and she runs a fibre shop from her house.) A nap, a little gardening and then it was time for dinner prepared by hubby (more bonus points) cake and handmade cards and gifties from the kids AND hubby. (Big surprise, he usually says "you are not MY mother!"). Then the girls performed a few skits for us before bed. Lovely day. Trust me, they get better with every year :)

[Orange]

There are people who take gifts and cards and holidays and just the right gift wrap very seriously, and there are those who know they love each other and don't feel the need for all the holiday foofaraw. It's only a problem when a pair includes one of each type—If Marko went and bought you cheesy stuff you didn't want, for example, or if he came home without a picture frame and a diamond necklace and a dozen roses and dammit, you expected no less.

[neety]

Maybe Mother's Day is bullshit in that Valentine's-Day-Crap-Present-Buying kind of way, but if I think about my mum and everything she's done for me, why the hell shouldn't she have a day all about her? Why shouldn't I buy her a present, take her out to lunch, buy her flowers, get her a massage, a facial, paint her something. It's the least she deserves. I know she's special every other day too, but at least there's one day that's just about recognising her as my mother.

[Mollie]

Here is what I got:

A lovely tempera-painted card with unintelligable letterforms and a daycare provider's sub-caption: "Happy Mother's Day. Love, Nico."

Two nasty-looking cookies from a batch baked at daycare, both of which my son, the bestower, demanded as his dessert after dinner. I happily handed them over.

That was Friday. Sunday, I felt cross all day because I, too, HATE it when the calendar says, "FEEL SPECIAL TODAY."

I think Mother's Day is dopey. Who feels good on Mother's Day? It's awkward for everyone.

[Heidi]

Mother's Day will forever be bittersweet to me. Sweet because I am fortunate to be a mother to two beautiful (post-infertility) babies, but bitter because I will always remember how sad Mother's Day used to make me when we were struggling to conceive and how many other woman are crying into their pillows for the same or similar reasons. That being said, I must say Mother's Day is getting better each year because the pain of Pre-motherhood Mother's Days is actually starting to wane a bit, and secondly because hearing my daughter tell me "It's Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day Mommy" and then hand me a scribbled on card is the best EVER. Then getting goopy open-mouthed kisses from my little son who is still too young to utter more than "da-da" (of course, he says "dada" and not "mama") reminds me of how lucky I am to NOT be crying into my pillow again this year.

It's nice to get sweet cards from my family (we don't do big presents or anything for Mother's Day) but sometimes the best "Mother's Days" occur on the regular, normal, every-day days when just for a second everything just seems perfect and blissful. Those are the REAL Mother's Days.

[solcito]

I was thinking of you yesterday and wishing you the best on Mother's Day -- how weird is that you are in my mind and we have not even met IRL but I feel like I know (and love) you so much!!! (not in a stalker kind of way, just like a respectfully distant adoring fan)

It was not Mother's Day here but I will look forward to my own MD later in October, I just cannot remember what we did last year, I guess we are not that big on holidays, though I surprised myself being excited with Xmas and all now that the baby was finally here and turning 1.

I guess like most commenters have stated, it gets better when they can verbalize their love and affection and give you all those amazing hand-made presents and pamper you.

Oh, you see, now I AM kind of getting excited about Mother's Day and I need to wait until October... why you people celebrate so early? Jeeeeez...

[susan]

So T- a little advice. Never never NEVER say you don't want a gift, girlie! I used to do this too but then realized that they start to take you for granted after a while and you stop getting cards even.

There's always something you "need" whether it's a bottle of your very favorite wine, a massage or facial - or even a gift certificate to get your hair and nails done.

Sweetie, make them do a little work on special days otherwise they get static. Besides, men seem to be happier when they are "taking care" of things - especially when you make it easy for them to get you "exactly what you wanted."

My guy is like Marko in this respect. That's why we have a "gift folder" in one drawer in the kitchen. Whenever I see something I want in a magazine, I rip out the page and put a stickie note with my size, the color I want (with a backup choice just in case), etc on it. Then, when it's a special day and he starts to feel uptight that he didn't get me anything, he can simply go to the drawer and either get on line, make a call or take the page to a store and get me "Exactly what I wanted!" the darling!

Listen, you and I both know that we don't "need" our guys to buy us things to make us happy. But, believe me, it does seem to make them happier somehow, in the messed up mind of a man, that he "took care" of you so perfectly.

Cheers!

[Faith]

Happy (Belated) Mother's Day to you, Tertia!

Wow, Orange...Is that what you are supposed to do on Mother's Day? I like it when you put it like that....Previously, I was with the "Mother's Day is Crap" crowd. (I don't have a very loving mother.)

Otherwise, this was my first Mother's Day too! After 15 years of marriage, no less. My hubby cooked breakfast for me, took care of the baby from dawn till he put her to bed at 9 pm, brought both of us fancy cell phones, took me to dinner, washed dishes while I watched Desperate Housewives, then gave me a massage. I have to say-- this was NOT a very bad first mother's day!

Faith

[Becky]

I had been thinking that MD sucks also - my husband acted totally normal, annoying even. Then there was no card, no gift. Didn't even get me a card from my little 2 yr old son and let him scribble in it. He said we had to hit the store on the way to get my mom so he and my son could shop - while I waited in the car! Then as we were leaving to pick up my mom to spend time with her and my brother I heard my husband whisper to my son, "Tell mama...tell her" and he enthusiastically said "Happy Mama Day!" with a huge heart-melting smile and I couldn't have cared less about a card or a gift. I'm so lucky.