Exposing yourself

This is what I wrote on the weekend:

Why Sagittarians should never blog.

How many people do you think I offend on a daily basis?

Although I am not huge on star signs etc, I do believe there are perhaps some characteristics that are common to certain star signs.  Like Virgos are anal, Leos are vain, Arians are childish, Librans are sluts, Gemini are two-faced hos.  JOKE people.  Keep your knickers on.  Gee.

Apparently, besides being G&D, Sagittarians are well known for foot-in-mouth syndrome.  We often offend people by speaking before thinking.  We are known to be brutally honest and say it like it is, often offending people in the process.  In addition we are dangerously impulsive with a very short attention span.  We are also known to be excellent lovers and exceptionally intelligent.  Or perhaps that is just me.

Then you take the ‘art’ of blogging, where some fool like myself will write on a variety of topics, some do it seriously, some do it with humour.  However, the problem for most bloggers, is that, like with email, it is often difficult to infer tone and other subtleties in the written word. 

I often joke around in the way I write, and without fail, just about every single day I will get an email from someone telling me how my latest post upset / hurt / offended / annoyed them.  In the beginning it used to upset me terribly, because I felt terrible that I had unwittingly hurt someone, but after a while I realized that I just can’t win. 

Take the example of the footnote post.  That post was done very tongue in cheek, taking the piss at all the times in the past where I have offended someone.  So I went totally over the top, explaining and justifying every point.  And in doing so, I offended someone who said that not all SAHM’s (in this example) were such sensitive types that I needed to explain myself.  Sigh.

I still hate offending any one, and I try my best not to, but to be honest, if I have to sanitize and triple check every single thing I say, this is going to be a very boring blog indeed. 

So if I have offended you, I probably didn’t mean to, honest.  I am sorry if what I wrote upset you.  If you feel strongly about it, write to me and I will either explain what I really meant, or otherwise I will apologize for upsetting you, I really don’t want to upset any one.

It is probably not a good thing for a Sagittarian to blog, but you all stay too far away for me to come visit and Marko HATES chatting.  So you’re it I’m afraid.

Smooch!

_______________________________________________________________________

But then I had a chat to Julie yesterday and she told me that on Saturday she got one of those emails, where someone accuses you of being offensive in a way that you would never, could never imagine being, and in a way that really hurts, and she felt like giving up blogging.  I know that a while ago Grrl felt like that too.  And it made me feel sad.

Last week I also came very close to giving up blogging.  Blogging is like exposing your soul, making yourself open to ridicule, to judgment on a daily basis.  And as a blogger you know this, it is part of the deal.  But it still doesn’t make it easy.  You have to keep explaining yourself over and over again.  And even if you don’t, even if you try not to care too much, it still hurts and is demoralizing.  It makes me tired sometimes. 

No matter what you say, or how you say it, you will offend or upset someone.  I suppose it is just an occupational hazard of blogging.  I have to keep telling myself that when I get one of those emails or comments.

It is easy to say ‘just don’t care’, I try, promise.  But every now and then a comment or email will prick your defense.

But fear not, I am not going to stop blogging.  I am not going to stop being me because a very small percentage of people find me offensive or annoying.  Can’t please all of the people all of the time.  And would you want to anyway?

And Jessica, I AM JOKING!  I know that I am so far from being ‘pretty’ or gorgeous in a model type of way.  I have a long thin face, I look old, I have a figure like an olive on a toothpick.  I am still a few pounds overweight, I am too tall, my skin has flaws.  But who wants to hear me go on about that?  So I joke around about being gorgeous and divine, whatever that means.  We are all gorgeous and divine, in so many different ways.  Every single one of us has something that is gorgeous and divine.  And if we don’t call ourselves that, who is going to?

Actually, you know what, never mind.  If you don’t get my humour then I am sorry.  Explaining myself is just too tiring.

You know what’s funny.  I can handle it (mostly) when people are ugly to me, but when they are ugly to my friends / posse, then it pisses me off.  Then it makes me want to say not nice things.

But onwards and forwards we go, offending innocent bystanders in our quest to expose our innermost bits to the world ;-) 

PS  Just an observation, I don’t know whether it is because the majority of people who read my blog are American, or whether it is something to do with part of your culture, it is almost always Americans who seem to be offended by what I wrote.  Perhaps I am particularly offensive to Americans?  (joke people, joke) 

Back to our regular (offensive) programming.

xxoo

Comments

[akeeyu]

What can I say?

We're a touchy, touchy people.

[Alana]

Well I am American and I read you daily. I'm still looking to be offended and so far nothing, nada, zip. You just haven't offended me dammit! Maybe I'm just to laid back and take blogs for what they are. And I happen to be a 220 pound bootylicious G&D woman myself. :)

[newbie]

This is the first time I've commented on your blog, but have been reading it for quite a while. I think no matter what you say or what you do in life there are always going to be people who have an opinion about it. That's life - that's free speech. I admire your honesty and I think many of these people who take such offense to your blog don't consider putting themselves in your position. If they were to open themselves up to the world and allow total strangers to read into their lives, would everyone accept their thoughts and opinions? Of course not. I'm glad to hear you will not be quitting blogging. Your tongue-in-cheek humour always bring a smile to my face - plus I can't cook either so we have something in common!

[corvine]

Jeez. I have no idea where people think they get off having a go at you because you write something that is YOUR OPINION. Who do they think they are? Get over it, people. If you don't like what Tertia (or anyone else) writes, DON'T READ IT. Go somewhere else and find a nice sanitised blog you do like.

And I cannot believe some idiot had a go at you for calling yourself G&D. You have such an amazingly healthy and refreshing attitude about yourself and we'd all be better off if we adopted it. I wish women didn't hate each other so much.

[Lioness]

You offend me just by breathing. You are the filth, the scum, the pong and the stench that inhabit the void - OH, I DO feel much better now.

Oh seriously, dahlingest T, humourless people are the pits, they simply can't see it. EVER. And then there are the seriously disturbed and miserable ones - hey, I've just got my first troll, she emailed me in a rage to call me names bcs I had the audacity to write a sad post abt U.'s D. - can you imagine? I try not to even TRY and understand, some people live on too diff a universe.

And Jessica - Simpson, you mean? That WOULD explain loads you know. Jessica, you did NOT write to a woman abt her saying she is G&D did you. You couldn't possibly have. Should anyone feel a similar need, consider plucking some eyebrowy surface. I hear bald is the new bush.

[Lioness]

Consider plucking some eyebrowy surface INSTEAD, I meant.

But look here, you haven't offended Alana. That's pretty offensive though, I'd have my knickers in a knot. Alana, fight back!

[Boulder]

Anal? You are calling me anal?

Bitch.

I'm done with you.

[Alana]

Somebody offend me NOW. or not. heh.

[Alana]

Oh wait, I have one. I am a Scorpion and you didn't say anything about Scorpions. What? Do we just not count??? I am sooo offended.

[eve]

You're a Sagittarius, too? Me too! Blog on, Sister!

I think the blogging medium is interesting because, on one hand, we feel like we all know each other so intimately, but on the other hand, we are so annonymous. I *feel* like I know you so well, but I really don't. When you make a comment that "offends me", the first inclination is to send an email or comment. But in real life, if I were sitting across from you, I'd just probably scoff and brush it off. I often wonder how many of those rude commenters would say such things if you were really standing in front of them.

I hope that some famous psychologist or someone does a study or dissertation on blogs and bloggers and blogging. Such intersesting dichotomies in us all...

And I like how you always point out to us how G&D you are, it has a much better ring to it than TT&UPPE [Too Tall & Uses Pre-Paid Electricity]. And I'm glad you think we are all G&D too, because it has a better ring than OS&HL [Overly Sensitive & Humor-Less - which it seems like some of us are becoming!!!] <-- oops, I think my Inner Sagittarius just came out!:D

[neety]

I have just one thing to say: fuck 'em all.
Some people might not "get" you, but the majority of people understand your humour. You don't have to explain anything. It's your fucking blog!
And of course you're gorgeous and divine. I'm absolutely stunning too. People just have to learn to deal with our beauty. :-)

[Alana]

Oh wait I meant Scorpio not scorpion. Damn, now I have gone and proved to be an idiot. I have offended myself. meh.

[Margot]

Hey there

Quite honestly, I have been very surprised at what some people have been offended by. Maybe the problem is not with you?

People can always decide not to read your blog if they find it offensive. Please don't be discouraged by the comments of a few, when most of us think your blog is fabulous!

Margot
ps my partner is a Saggitarius too. He is way more foot in mouth than you!!

[Ute]

Well, I'm German. Which is - according of the rest of this planet - equal to "intrinsically evil, and guilty of everything forever, regardless of character and generation". Therefore I have neither right nor inclination to feel offended by anything in any blog. Anything I think and say is bound to be even more offending anyway. I therefore suggest you continue writing your blog in German, just for us Germans. :-P

[neety]

Oh, and by the way, I'm SO offended. Aries...? Childish?
I like to think of myself as "childlike".

You are such a poo-bum-fart-stinker-shit-head. In the naughty corner, that is unacceptable.
(ok, I admit, I love Supernanny.)

[Lioness]

Oh and what, us Pisces do NOT deserve a stereotype? No? Never heard we're SENSITIVE and PSYCHIC? Well, I never! Don't come crying next time you misplace a twin, you're on your own now.

Bloody SA bimbo.

[Jen-Earthchild]

Well I am very offended right now.

You said Gemini's are two-faced hoes. Um...you left out that we are also CYBIL...can you say Multiple personalities????

I am sooooo NOT offended by anything you write T. You write from experience. In your experience, this things have happened.

To those offended I say this:

When life deals you a big shit sandwich you have two choices....mope and whine about it and then move on. OR you can laugh at yourself. Try laughing at yourself for once. Instead of bitching and complaining about what T writes, try looking at it, applying it to yourself, and LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF AT THE HUMOR OF IT ALL! You may just find yourself a better person for it!

Keep on rockin T. Before I met you, I was hard pressed to find ANYTHING G&D about myself. Now even my fat belly is starting to look hot to myself!

With love....

[Nancy]

Ever notice that the people who are offended by things make a career out of finding things to be offended by?? I think they should just take their offended selves and turn off the computer....

[Liz]

I think people are just kind of nutty. I'm a frequent lurker, and enjoy reading your blog, but why the hell would I be offended by something someone I've never met has to say?? Even if I read blogs who's basic theme I strongly disagree with (e.g. the liberal hater sites), I don't necessarily take offense - of course there are people out there with varying (and completely wrong ;)) ideas. Stop giving Americans a bad name, hypersensitive ones!!

[Sarah]

This post and the subsequent comments are hilarious!
I'm American, read you all the time, and have not ONCE been offended by anything you've said.
Just want to put that out there for the record.
Nancy above me said it best...some people spend all their time finding things offensive.
I cannot believe someone actually tried to 'call you to task' for calling yourself G&D. That boggles the mind.

[S]

For the next e-mail you get like that, do me a favor and reply: "If you don't like it, stop reading it."

[susie]

Let them just get over it. I don't get the sense of entitlement that encourages someone to write to you and tell you that a throwaway comment you made on YOUR blog offended them. It's easy enough to stop reading.

And yes, I realize there are situations where people we love take things the wrong way or read things into comments that weren't directed at them (shooting gonadotropins can do that to a girl, you know), and we should be sensitive when that happens, but still. Those people are often overreacting (even if they can't see that because they are in a hormone-induced emotional state) or else they may be a little too invested in how your words reflect on them. I would hate to see you stop blogging. Let them get over it.

[Thea]

I am a lurker and just wanted to let you know that I LOVE your blog. I am a new mother to a 9 week old son. It was a long and tedious road to have him and I find great comfort in what you write. It has many times made me feel good to hear you speak about your life.

Thanks

[jenny]

USA culture is totally entrenched in being unoffensive, politically correct, and being "proud" of whatever it is that makes one different/special/atypical. We tend to be on the defensive, all the time. It's sort of like we have this mass guilty conscience and are just WAITING to get worked up and frothing at the mouth about something.

You have to remember we're a country founded by activists and rebels - so we continue that fine tradition regardless of whether activism and rebellion are at all necessary. It's part of our Culture. Why do you think we have the highest rates of heart attacks and other stress rated illnesses in the world?

Anyway - I have never once been offended by anything in your blog, and tend to be entertained by the folks who come in with their hackles up ready to get pissed off at what you say. I chuckle at them, honestly. I chuckle at idiots who comment on my blog also - but there aren't that many of them because my blog isn't nearly as interesting and entertaining as yours!

Kisses,
Jenny

[Diana]

I haven't been reading you as long as some of the people here, but I have read through the archives. I haven't found a single offensive thing in all that you've written...because a blog is about your OPINION. There are bloggers that I read with different political views, but I'm not offended by what they say. It's just a different view point.
I keep a blog of my own and have sometimes been offended by the comments that I receive. One woman, about 20 something, made a comment about how she knows (or heard of) a woman that gained 4 pounds during her pregnancy, and how if she were pregnant, she wouldn't gain any. If she gained 30 pounds (gasp!) she would just die. What do I say to that? I thought about leaving a note to tell her she might want to stop reading me because I have already gained 4 pounds, and besides that, my starting weight was a terrible 197!! I should just kill myself! What a terrible mother I will be, raising a child as an overweight mom. But I didn't say anything, and I figured she would find out for herself who I am and what I'm about...and if it bothers her, she'll leave. If not, well, maybe she'll see that weight is not such a big deal.