Not a good look Muriel

And you thought Julie had let herself go.

In the list of things to do, I’m afraid looking good is right at the bottom, just after having the car washed.  (yes, indeed.  In the midst of a baby crying fest, Marko says he HAS to have the car washed Right Now.  WTF? It can’t wait until tomorrow / next week / next year / never?).

I will get round to taking the old nail polish off my toes, and I will have my legs waxed as soon as I can.  Probably around the time the kids go to school.

You know things are bad when your sister offers to give you a pedicure. 

As for my roots, well I was too scared to have my hair coloured when I was pregnant, so picture 9 months of regrowth.  Not a good look Muriel.

Lack of sleep has left crevices on my face that not even an industrial strength course of Botox will smooth out.

As I lay down last night, in my old We Try Harder T shirt, some of Kate’s puke between my breasts and fresh Adam puke stuck on my collarbone, the subtle scent of sour milk wafting from my pillow, teeth unbrushed, STILL having to wear a pad (buy shares in pad companies now, Tertia is keeping them profitable), old comfy underpants on, I thought to myself ‘I don’t think I would want to shag me’.

Although I must admit my non-negotiable is two showers every day, morning and night (and I do usually brush my teeth, it was just that night a baby fell asleep on my chest and there was no way I was waking any one up to go brush my teeth).  But I have to shower every morning and night.  Marko just has to sit with two screaming kids.  Although the shower is certainly not a leisurely one (no singing), just long enough to clean my bits.

The good thing is that I have lost a lot of weight.  Fuck the best odds diet in WTEWYAE, try the JHT (Just Had Twins) diet.  I have lost 48 pounds in 4 weeks, only about 10 to go to get to super thin gorgeous and divine status.  When choosing between sleep and food, sleep wins every time.  I know, I know, I need to look after myself.  But seriously, I have absolutely no appetite. 

Oh, and another good thing – no stretch marks!!!  Can you believe that, with such an enormous belly.  And no hemorrhoids.  V pleased about that.

So I might be hairy, stinky with furry teeth, but I am hemorrhoid-free and slim’ish. Surely that’s got to count for something?

WWM Runner Up

Yesterday I was looking at Adam’s gorgeous feet (I adore their feet, so cute), and I saw that they were looking a little flaky.  I said to myself “self, remember to put cream on his feet”), when I looked a bit closer and noticed that he had crusty dried curds between his toes.  The ‘dry skin’ was in fact old milk puke that I hadn’t cleaned away.

Then last night, I lay Kate down on my chest, trying to avoid the old milk puke marks she and her brother had deposited there from an earlier feed, when she puked again and this time I laid her face in it, so when I felt the warm wetness, I lifted her up and she had milk puke all over her face.

Nice.  My babies are covered in old milk puke.  What an excellent mother am I.  I do bath them, but only every second day.

Comments

[Brother Paul]

You sound just as beautiful as eva, dont loose too much! Remember what mom said "You look so much better with a little extra skin on your bones" hmmm nice!

[Steph]

Don't sweat it about this stuff, you are DOING FINE! The thing that bothers me about your post is it sounds like Marko watching the babies for 2x15 (generous) minutes is actually expecting too much of him. He is their FATHER and you have as long a shower as you like! Even if he can't watch them, they will cope with waiting ten minutes while you grab a quick shower, and you will feel much better for it.

Btw, I am no perfect mother - went rollerblading on the weekend for the first time in years and didn't even know my legs were hairy until I sat down to put my skates on LOL!

As for yesterday's comments about babies crying making you feel agitated, my DD is 11m old now and her crying STILL jolts me awake (though not necessarily alert) like I've been zapped with electricity. The main thing I can suggest to get some sleep is EAR PLUGS. Get your baby minder to wake you at an agreed time (or later if the babies are happy).

[eM]

Tertia that is halarious, you have the Meriel-look. I remember when Brad was still a baby and you and Wendy offered to be my personal shoppers. I hated you both of being such perfectly clean and orderly barbie dolls. It does pass my darling friend. One day you will be sitting at a babyshower and look around thinking OMG-remember-what-hardwork-babies-were.

[Rachelle]

Every second day is fine for bathing babies - that's how I do it, too! Envy the twins diet. I started out dropping 40 pounds v v quickly and then put back 15 of them. (Having gained 55 in pg in all) Don't know quite how that is done.

Also, the good news: if you're like the rest of us, you won't want a shag in a long, long while anyway.

[ann]

Tertia, you and Julie are just too funny with your how low can you go one-upmanship. (or one-downmanship in your cases) It's great for giggles -

[Beverly]

Wow, no stretch marks?! Those are some nice genes you've got! :)

[JenL]

I would like to join the WWM smackdown, but you guys had several weeks headstart on me. I guess I'll admire the competition and think to myself "Julie and Tertia are in the same boat, so hey, I'm in good company."

:-)

[Christine]

Why is it that, in carrying only one child, I have gained the same amount of weight as you AND my midsection is covered in red and white zebra stripes? So unfair.

[Tanya]

Yip big subscriber to the Just had Twins drinking Loads of Coffee diet, as put on by our good friend Dr H. Two years down the line it is still going strong - notch that one up on the + side of having two babies in one go.

Love
T
Been thinking about you lots but reckon if you have a free hand it should be used for cleaning up crusty milk not the telephone.

[Lioness]

T., don't care how anorectic you feel at the moment, just make sure you have energy bars or nuts or anything that is quick and not bothersome to eat spread through the house so you can always have something to snack on. Arrange them prettily if you must to please your analness - BUT YOU MUST EAT! Just think of the nightmare if you get as much as a simple cold. Plus w that accelerated weight loss rate you risk becoming anaemic and more. You don't have to sit down for full meals all the time, but you must eat. I'm no alarmist but your eating and being fit is an abolsute condition for your babies' health. SO EAT ALREADY.

[Kelly]

You are doing a marvelous job Tertia! Hell... I only had ONE newborn and I rarely got in the shower. You are miles ahead of me!

[Cheryl]

Hi Tertia,

You need to reel that car washing Marko in right now. DO NOT WAIT!

The car didn't need washing, he needed an excuse to run away. What's yours?

The problem with men is they see the baby work as the woman's deal.

I'm a 2 shower a day girl also...no one understands! Anyway, my son is 17 months and I still feel like I am "stealing" 10 minutes from my husband to take care of myself.

MEN!

BTW...you are doing great and I laughed right along with everyone else because we've all been there. Wait until you don't realize until morning that the baby puked and his face has been sticking to the sheet all night.

[Kelly]

Since I new to the "blog" world... I know noone is reading my blog. Since it's mostly crazy ramblings, you are all forgiven.

I wrote a little something about Mothering a few weeks ago that I want to share with you Tertia. I apologize in advance for taking up so much space.

Here goes it:

Most mothers want the very best for our children. The best thing for a child, we conclude, is a perfect mother. A mother without flaw, a mother that knows what is best, a mother that doesn't let her child wipe his nose on his shirt sleeve. There is an enormous amount of pressure to BE perfect.... better than perfect, impressive. We are motivated by guilt. Guilt that we won't meet our child's needs and guilt that our girlfriends/mothers/aunts/grandmothers won't think we aren't being perfect enough. Have you ever felt guilty for letting your child cry? Have you ever felt guilty for working? Have you ever felt guilty for staying home thus not having enough money to buy your child a shiny new toy that EVERYONE else has? Yeah, I thought so.

No one says, "Being a mother is so hard" without wondering what everyone else is thinking, nervously laughing, or following it up with "but its the best job on earth". Mothering without guilt is fucking impossible. In some small way, I believe we mothers think that there is only one way to mother our children... one model to which we should conform, and when we don't live up to that consummate ideal we are motherfucking failures.

The mothers I most admire are probably fudging things a bit. You can't tell me that your little darling hasn't thrown a kicking, screaming, ear-bursting fit at one time or another. You can't have me believe that you know the answers all the time and that you never make mistakes. Liar, I meant you too.

Even when I feel most vulnerable, I have learned to shoot straight... to say: "Hey my kids aren't perfect... I need ideas." I know that there are others that judge me.... shit, some of you reading this will judge me. It matters to me what people think but for the sake of all mothers, I share my experiences... good, bad, ugly, nasty, fucked up, wonderful, amazing, and fantastic all the same. I am putting myself out there so that some other not-so-perfect mother won't feel alone. Plus, it is a good scrubbing of the soul. I can spill my guts and then return to my children... calmer, happier, and a lot more patient.

I have seen mothers who constantly portray perfection. I admire their zeal really. You made braised lamb with asparagus and tarragon for dinner? Arroz con Coco (cuban coconut rice pudding) for dessert? My hero! Look at you... all elegant, confident, respectable, and victorious. Pat yourself on the back for me, k?

But....

If your hair is unwashed, your children weren't bathed tonight, you used Barney as a babysitter while you made fishsticks (what the fuck is in those things anyway?) for dinner, and you rinsed your mouth out with merlot after you brushed your teeth, you are not alone!

If you worked all day, came home to a messy house and a cranky toddler, didn't read a book, play patty-cake, or teach your child the motherfucking alphabet song tonight, you are not alone!

Under the circumstances, we not-so-perfect mothers are doing a damn fine job. Our children are fed, breathing, and (hopefully) sleeping tonight because of the sacrifices we made today.

Contrary to popular belief that is a lot of middle ground between being selfish and being self-less. The two are distinctly different. So please, take that Nazi perfect mother propaganda you have been force fed all your life and bury it.

You don't have to perfect, you don't have to be good enough, you just have to try. Trust me! No one is without fault or defect. No one is satisfying all requirements for perfection in motherhood tonight.

Love your children, respect them, and nuture them as best you can. I assure you they will be fine. If you make a mistake, apologize. If you need a break, take one. Whatever you do, don't pretend you are perfect. No matter how good looking perfect makes you feel, it makes someone else feel like a piece of shit. Stop judging, start sharing, and be kind to your fellow mothers. More than anyone else in the world, they know how hard this is.

[sarah]

When my daughter was a newborn, she used to spit up in bed and then sleep with her head rubbed in the little puddle of milk-puke. But she slept, so I did not try and clean her up. She would also puke into my cleavage and fill my bra with a pool of slightly used milk. I would just empty it out and carry on.

Every mother has been there. I hope that there are a helluva lot of Participation Badges for the WWM competition.

[Kam]

So now the water's not only cold, but pukey, too? Nice. You could be the world's first birth control blog...until you scroll down and see pictures of those little peas, all clean and soft and gorgeous. Now I want one!

And I agree with Lioness--gotta eat, Sister. Trail mix? Yoghurt? Frozen burritos? Big salad and soup stocked in the fridge each Monday morning via handyhelperperson? Ask if you need ideas for quick food. We're good for that lame-o easy assvice stuff (but do any of show up to hold babies while you wash the car? Friends, my a**.).

xoxo

[Kam]

And by the way...

Have we celebrated your award for Best New Blog yet?!?! Post something so we can gush a little, will ya?

[Moxie]

My son was pretty big at birth (4.32 kgs), so he had these rolls of fat at his chin. I remember one day having the sinking realization that I'd consistently missed washing out one particularly deep roll of fat that was now red and looked like it was infected and festering. Let's think about that for a second or two.

Once I could recover enough to actually take a baby wipe to it, I discovered that the milk left in there was rotting, but it hadn't done anything to his skin yet. I hadn't let my baby actually rot like dead meat. Not me. Champion mother of the world.

This is exactly the point at which you have to make the decision whether you're going to be The Keeper of All Parenting Skills in your house, or if Marko gets to be a parent, too (even when he does things "the wrong way"). It's super, super hard to listen to your babies cry while their father does things the way you know they don't like them, but if you can grit your teeth and let him step up and develop his own way of doing things (without fear of recrimination from you) now, it will pay off a million times in the future.

What I'm trying to say is, tell Marko you need to go to the salon or your head will fall off, and then go. Get your roots done, your legs waxed, and your pedicure changed. When you come home, they'll all still be alive. Don't rob your husband of being a competent parent just because he's too afraid to know to ask for his turn.

[Mollie]

Ear. Plugs. Get some.

You'll still hear the crying, but not every snuffle. And you might get a little more rest, which is a great thing.

And maybe Marko will be up before you are once in a while to tend to the babies when they need it! An even greater thing.

[Deanna]

Well, I'm glad to hear I am not the *only* mom of a newborn getting puked on routinely. But, can anyone say that they've also been projectile pooped on? Twice? That was a new one for me. I'm scared every time I have to change her diaper now. Oh, and the poop flew so far it also got on my 18 month old sitting 5 feet away. Nice.

[Bridgette]

I'm sure you are still gorgeous and divine! And I can't get enough of the pics of those beautiful babies of yours (Marko's not too hard to look at either ;-)).

[Jill]

When I had a chance to shower, I brought my toothbrush in with me....it saved time. Its harder to run off and attend to a wee one when sopping wet.

[emma]

Just checking in with some luurve for ya Tertia. I am in awe of and so grateful for the fact that you are taking time to keep us up to date and laughing.

[Liz]

Now those are MY kind of priorities? Mom? Two showers a day. Babies - milk-puke covered for 48 hours.

You go, momma :)!!!

[jess]

Wait, let's go back...

You shaved your legs while you were pregnant?

Man, you are way better at being a girl than I am.

[falimako]

I remember once seeing a mother with twins at the hospital when I was having an appointment. I was 9 months pregnant and felt disgustingly huge and knew I would look feral even after the baby was born. This mother of twins (who looked about four or five months old - the twins, not the mother) was so skinny and perfect looking, and I cursed her in my head all day. I was all, "that bitch! How did she get so thin so fast?"
So, now that I have read this post I feel really bad, because she was probably slim because she didn't have TIME to eat.

[21stCenturyMom]

When I had just 1 baby - just 1, I would find myself at 1 o'clock in the afternoon having gotten up a 4AM, still in my bathrobe, greasy hair, covered in spit up and I would just look at that teeny baby and wonder how something so small could so completely dominate my time.

If you are getting 2 showers a day you are doing really, really well. And babies love milk puke. Not to worry.

[Kristin in VA]

OK, you aren't just doing OK...you are doing GREAT by my standards. The fact that you shower TWICE A DAY and give the babies a bath every 2 days is way impressive.

In comparison, I am nominating myself for WWM b/c I forgot it was bath day yesterday and my 9 month old twins had to wait 4 days between baths. And it is a miracle if I get a shower daily, let alone brush my teeth more than once. And that's a recent development. Oy, you're making this look too easy.
Kristin
mom to sascha and mia (9 months old)

[2mommies]

hey tertia,
the best trick for the baby spit up on the bed is to layer a few receiving blankets on the sheet. when one gets too nasty, strip it down and there's already another there. so helpful and easy.

[Patricia]

Well la, dee, da - no stretch marks (with twins, no less), and almost all the baby weight gone. No Hemerrhoids?! geez.

After all you've been through (including the current lack of sleep), I guess you deserve it.

xoxo

Patricia