I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, but it’s not an easy post to write. Because I don’t want people to judge my husband or I. I love my husband, he might not be perfect, but he is perfect for me.
So things haven’t turned out exactly as I hoped it might. Many of you have made comments like ‘where is your husband??’ or ‘what is your husband doing in all of this?’ And I’ve been ignoring them on purpose.
I must admit, I am jealous of Julie, not because she is better looking than me (she isn’t), or because she is more intelligent than me (she isn’t), or even that Charlie is stronger / bigger / faster than Adam (he isn’t). No I am jealous of Julie because of Paul. The lucky asshole (that would be Julie) has one of those husbands who are totally involved in the day-to-day care of their child. He feeds Charlie, he watches him, he even does a shift at night for goodness sake. I don’t have one of those husbands. Julie, the lucky tart, has one of those. And by the sounds of things, a super dooper one at that. In fact I don’t know what the hell Julie does all day except sit on her lazy fat ass and post nude pictures of her Lionel Richie ‘fro to the “Hairy Beaver” porn site.
My darling husband, whom I love dearly, is just not good with newborns. Now before you all get up in arms and tell me what a useless fucker he is, let me say that I am ok with this. Not every one can be good at every thing. Why force him to do something that makes me him all anxious. He just can’t handle crying babies, it upsets him.
Now I can just see you sitting there spluttering in outrage. “I don’t care if it makes him anxious, he HAS to help” you’ll be saying. “They are his kids too” will be another.
I know all of these arguments. I could be saying them too, but I don’t. Because I know that his time will come, I know that without doubt. He loves his kids, very much. When they are a bit sturdier he will be more involved. He will spend lots of time with them then.
He helps me in many other ways, he makes the bottles, he fills and fetches the bath, he cleans up the babies room afterwards, he will make me a sandwich, go to the shop for me etc. He will even change a nappy or do a feed for me if I need him too, but he is just not good with them when they are yelling.
And yes, sometimes I do wish I had one of those new age sensitive types who rubbed my belly when I was pg (he never did), who spoke to the unborn babies through the womb (are you crazy?? Him??). That he would say to me “I’ll do a night shift for you”. But that would be I would have to change him, and I don’t want to. I love him just the way he is, I don’t want to upset the balance and get another version, I like the husband I have.
I don’t know if it is a South African male thing, but my father and his father were like that too. I have never doubted my father loved me, I have never felt any negative effects of having a father who was not involved in my care as a newborn. He was so involved with me as a child. I am not surprised or disappointed, it is what I am used to. It is just the way it is. It doesn’t mean he loves them less. And I suppose because I have Rose, I am ok with the situation. I do have help. I know if I absolutely needed him to do any thing he would, but I am not going to force him to do things that make him anxious.
The only thing I worry about is that he is missing out on this time, but he assures me that he is ok, that his time will come. And I really do believe him.
So that is where Marko is (zzzzz) when I say I am rocking a baby at 3 in the morning. That is why I say I have to steal a quick five minutes to shower. Because I do the crying baby shifts in our house.
The reason I didn’t want to post this is because I don’t want any one to think any thing horrible about my husband, he is a wonderful husband and a wonderful father. This is how OUR family works. But I did want to post this in case there are others out there who face a similar situation, so that they needn’t feel alone.
Every one has their strengths and weaknesses, and that is ok. We can’t all be good at every thing. Remember, my husband might not be perfect, but he is perfect for ME. I love him just the way he is. Well except for the rich thing, I would like him to be richer. That would be nice. Maybe that small little change request could be slipped through.
So, do you have a Paul or a Marko?