Happy Birthday Darling Ben

Hello my darling son.

Happy happy birthday my big boy.  It was a year ago that you said hello to the world outside.  A lot sooner than both you and I would have liked.

I remember every moment of that day.  I remember your first cry hello.  It was so tiny and soft, like a kitten.

I thought you were beautiful, so perfect in every way, just really tiny.  And so brave. 

Mommy misses you very very much my boy, every single day.  I wish you were here with me, more than any thing.  I hope you are safe and happy where you are.  You must be such a big boy now, and I am sure you look just like your daddy.

Remember my boy, you will always be my first born, my darling oldest child.  There is a special place in my heart, just for you.  It holds your spirit and is protected by the fiercest mommy love there is.  I carry you with me every day, so that even though we are not together physically, we are forever bound to each other spiritually.

Don’t worry about my tears, mommies do silly things sometimes.  I just miss you.  You be happy and safe, okay?

I love you my boy, happy birthday.  Mommy loves you, forever and ever.

xoxox

Ben - Jan 04, 2004 - Jan 14, 2004

Comments

[Lisa]

Simply beautiful, Tertia. Brought tears to my eyes, imagining him looking down from Heaven, watching his baby brother and sister about to be born.

Lisa

[The Good Rachel]

((((Oh Tertia))))

I am crying with you.

Happy Birthday, Ben. Without knowing it, you touched so many lives. And we all hold your Mommy and you in our hearts, particularly on days like today.

[katie e.]

kate and adam are going to be so proud when they hear about their strong big brother ben.

[Amy V]

Happy Birthday Little Ben.

Thinking of you Tertia.

[Sue]

Beautiful. Happy Birthday little Ben.
January is going to always be such a special month for you, Tertia.

[Kestralyn]

I have tears. Nothing but tears.

What a handsome little boy, and how lucky we all were that you had each other, if only for 10 days.

Happy birthday Ben -- your mommy and daddy love you dearly, and we're all here to testify to that.

Congratulations on everything, Tertia. I weep for you tonight, both happy and sad.

[Amber]

Must be so very difficult to mourn the loss of your precious son, while anticipating the births of your babies. It should never be that way.

Ben...do me a favor & watch over my two up there, please. You sure are a special little guy.

[Julia]

Happy Birthday, Ben.

I know you're proud of that lovely mother of yours - tears and all.

[Janice]

Tertia, you have such a huge heart and a wonderful way of expressig yourself. I remember reading every detail of Ben's short but courageous life last year on IVFC.

Happy Birthday Ben, Tertia's lovely firstborn beautiful boy.

[Territoon]

Happy Birthday Ben.

Beautifully written Tertia.

{{HUG}}

[Onyx]

Happy birthday Ben.

**hugs**

[Bridgette]

Happy Birthday Ben. Your mommy loves you very much.

[Abby]

Happy birthday Ben. You're a lucky boy to have the mommy that you do.

[Cherith]

Happy Brithday Ben.

Much love to your mommy.

You will live in our hearts forever.

[Elizabeth]

beautiful

[Julia S]

Happy Birthday, Ben.

[Nat1026]

*tears*

Happy Birthday, Ben.

I hope you know just how much you are loved, and how your precious spirit has touched so many lives.

Bless you, little one.

[Egg Donor]

Damned post. Making me stupid cry.

sniffle.

[Kay]

Happy Birthday Ben. Watch over your Mommy and Daddy and your new baby Brother and Sister.

God Bless!

[Allie]

Happy Birthday beautiful boy Ben! Tertia, wishing you peace at this sad anniversary. We will never forget your son.

[Jaine]

God Bless, Ben. Forever his mother, Tertia. Forever.

[Natalie]

Happy birthday, sweet Ben.
You are loved and remembered by many, many people all around the world.

Sending lots of love to you today, Tertia. Take good care of yourself, mama. Wishing you peace and a very joyous birth day soon.

[Rachel]

Oh, that broke my heart. I am sitting here in SF sobbing over this beautiful post. What a lucky little boy, to spend his time on earth with you.

[Stacey]

Happy Birthday little man, watch over your little brother and sister for your Mommy, k?

[Mollie]

Oh, T. You've been through so much this year. And still you are so... sane. Brilliant. Beautiful.

xo

[PinkStiletto]

Beautiful... thank you for sharing that.

I imagine Ben is sitting on God's lap right now, like a young child sitting with Santa, both smiling down on your post today.

Good luck with the delivery -- you deserve all the wonderful blessings life has to offer.

[Kathleen]

Happy Birthday, Ben. Love to you, your Mom and your Dad.

[marisa]

Happy Birthday, Ben.

[Lisa2]

Happy Birthday,Ben. A beautiful guardian angel for your younger brother and sister.

Good Luck Tertia on your delivery!

Thank you for sharing your life with us so intimately.

[2mommiesforbaby]

wow. happy birthday ben. many blessings for you and your family. How wonderful to be getting ready for twins (c-section on my partner's b-day). congrats
a first time reader

[JuliaS]

Happy birthday beautiful Ben! You went through a lot and I hope you are happy now and at peace.

[eM]

Went down to the beach early this morning and we wrote Ben's name in the sand. We didn't have any balloons to set free but Brad found a dandelion and we blew it for Ben. Happy Birthday Boytjie.

[Donna]

Happy Birthday beautiful Ben.

Damnit, i am a bawling mess. Snot everywhere.

[Tamara]

Happy Birthday Ben. Hugs and good luck on your delivery and recovery!

[Rhonda]

Happy Birthday, Ben.
I was thinking of you today Tertia and hoping you were OK.
Take care.

[Rachelle]

Happy birthday, Ben. Not only will you hold a special place in your mummy's heart forever, but so many people have been touched by you and will continue to remember you. You will not be forgotten.

[Martie]

Happy birthday precious baby boy Ben!! You will never be forgotten. You touched so many hearts in your life!! My baby niece was born today - another reason why I'll never forget your birthday! You have wonderful parents!

Best wishes for the upcoming birth, Tertia! You are in my thoughts & prayers all the time.

[Brandee]

Happy Birthday, Ben.

[sandi p.]

Happy b'day, sweet Ben!

Beautiful post, Tertia!

[Jen-earthchild]

Happy Birthday sweet baby Ben. You are loved so very much.

[Kelly]

Happy Birthday brave little Ben!

In your short time here, you touched so many lives. People all around the world love you and pray for you. I know that you can feel that love. I imagine you, charming and handsome, watching over your beautiful mother and smiling.

[blackbird]

with love from across the world...

[Sheri]

Happy Birthday sweet Ben. Lighting a candle for you.

Beautiful post Tertia. Strength to you

[Charmaine]

Happy Birthday Ben.

[Slim]

Happy Birthday, Ben.
You were very lucky in your choice of Mommy and Daddy.

*sob.snorffle.choke*

[Carmen]

That was so incredible. Thank you for sharing Ben with us. January will be your favorite month forever, I think.

You are an amazing woman, Tertia, with amazing children.

[Sassimiz]

Happy Birthday Ben.

You are so loved.

Thinking of you Tertia.

[Lauren]

beautiful

[Woodys Girl]

Happy birthday, precious Ben. Thank you for sharing your beautiful, strong spirit with us, even if just for a short time.

Alive forever in our hearts... and never forgotten.

Love always,
Jennifer

[Helen]

Happy birthday, Ben!

Your mummy is just so special!

[Stefanie]

Happy Birthday sweet Ben.

Saying a special prayer for you all today.

[Brooklyn Girl]

Happy birthday, Ben.

And love to you Tertia.

[barren old crone]

Happy birthday sweet darling handsome brave big brother Ben. You are getting a baby sister and baby brother for your birthday. They are going to love you SO much, just like your mommy and daddy do. And you are going to love them, too sweetheart.

We all wish so much that you were here, but we hope (and I strongly suspect) that you are experiencing life in all its intended purity and joy where you are. But still, we miss you.

xoxo
Your mommy's friend vicki

[Mely]

Tertia, I'm thinking of you & your family, especially today. And sending you some hope that one day Ben will be reunited with us, (John 5:28, 29) under better conditions (Revelations 21:3,4). Just as Jesus brought back to life, his friend Lazarus (John 11:23-27).

As you can see, Ben has touched our lives, as well.

[Boulder]

Tertia,

I woke this morning thinking about Ben and as I was sitting preparing to type, the sky opened up and began to pour rain like it was never going to stop. Noah's ark kind of rain. It was an incredible moment. Like mother nature was missing Ben this morning too.

I've said before that Ben is so very fortunate to have a mum and dad like he has, ones that were awed by his presence and held and comforted him as he went to join your beloved Luke and other angels. And when I see your writing this morning, I am reminded of what true motherly love is all about.

Ben's beautiful presence in all of our lives has been touching and inspiring, and Ben has given us all another blessing to behold this year. The profound connection you both had with Ben has brought beautiful Kate and sweet Adam to join your family in the world.

Thank you dearest Ben for the gifts that your life, while far too short, has given so many. We miss you Ben, and we look forward to seeing you again in the eyes and hearts of you new sister and brother, and rejoicing in the new joy that your love has brought to your mum and dad and the rest of us too.

Strange, the rain has stopped. Just like that.

With love always~

[JuliaKB]

What a beautiful post. You are an amazing (and amazingly sane) woman, T.

Happy birthday, Ben. I hope this one is just joy, and no pain. Sadness is OK-- we all feel it for you and your parents. Your name means "son," and you will forever be your parents's son, their firstborn, the one that made them parents. Much love to you, baby boy.

[Sheena]

kiera and ben are and always will be special angels. Happy bday precious boy, lots and lots of love,

SHeena

[Alicia]

I’ve read Ben’s story before, but I just realized that he was leaving this world at about the same time my son was conceived. This makes me smile a little as I’m imagining some sort of cosmic hand slap as they passed to opposite sides, but mostly it makes me very sad, that our initial journeys into motherhood took such different paths. I wish you peace these next couple of weeks, as you mourn for Ben while waiting for Kate and Adam to finally make their entrance. (HBIJ!!)

[Trish]

Happy birthday, Ben...

[ValleyGal]

Oh Tertia. I know the joys of parenting Adam and Kate will never completely heal the wounds of losing Ben, but I think that wonderful tributes like these to your gentle sweet boy might be just what your soul needs.

Happy Birthday, Ben.

[Janis]

These days are so hard...

You are very much in my thoughts these days Tertia.

Much love to you, Marko, Adam, Kate and little Ben.

[mamacate]

Warm thoughts for you and Ben. I know he's listening.

(((HUGS)))

[TriciaG]

Happy Birthday, Ben.

You're in my thoughts today, Tertia.

[Mandy]

Happy Birthday Ben.

Hugs, mama. Your words have touched us all.

[nancy]

Beautiful Tertia, Beautiful Ben.
Happy Birthday sweet boy.

[susan]

Oh Tertia....I shouldn't have read this today, here, at work. And once I started, I should have stopped and looked again later when I was alone. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't not read those words, feel the loss you so articulately express, cry for you and for Ben, who never got the chance to grow up and know how incredibly perfect his mommy is. I have to stop now but Happy Birthday Ben and thank you Tertia for sharing your spirit with us.

[KellyH]

Dearest Tertia- I lurk here every day. I slept very restlessly last night. Each time I woke up, my first thought was of you and Ben. Thank you for sharing him with us. You and he are in my heart forever.

[persephone]

Thinking of you, Marko, and Ben today. Much love.

[Sherry]

T...You're all in my thoughts and prayers today...especially Ben. Much love to you all.

[AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch]

Happy Birthday Baby Ben. Not only does your Mommie love you, but the internet does as well.

Take Care on this day Tertia and Marko

[Kristin]

Oh Tertia...what a beautiful tribute. Happy Birthday Ben.

[Tracey Dixon]

Happy Birthday sweet little Ben. It shouldn't be like this... it just shouldn't. We shouldn't have to grieve for and miss little babies.

Your brief life touched so many.

This poem by Edgar Guest is for your mommy...

I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?

I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.

Many hugs to you today, my friend Tertia.

Tracey

[Christina]

Happy Birthday, Ben. Not only do your parents love you, but your Mommy's friends inside the computer do as well.

[Karla]

Simply beautiful.I am thinking of you today.

[Carrie Jo]

Tertia, that was so beatiful and so touching. I don't cry very often but this wonderful letter to your baby boy had tears streaming down my face. I know he feels your boundless love for him wherever he is. He'll probably visit his little brother and sister often to give them little kisses on their foreheads. May God and Goddess be with you always but especially now when your heart strings are being tugged in different directions.

[sheilah]

Oh, man. I knew I shouldn't read this post at work.

Then just when the tears from reading Tertia's wonderful tribute to Ben had dried, I went and read that poem that Tracey posted. *sniff*

Tears are good for computer keyboards, aren't they?

Happy birthday, beautiful Ben. Watch over mommy and daddy and your little brother and sister, k?

[Gigi]

Happy birthday Ben, we hold you in our hearts.

[Lindsay]

Happy Birthday, Ben. You and Luke are remembered and loved by so many people. Your mamma is an amazing woman who inspires us all day in and day out.

[Rose]

Happy Birthday Ben. You are loved and thought of all over the world.

[Amy]

Happy Birthday to a wonderful, sweet, boy who was on this earth for much too short a time.

Sometimes I picture unborn children as toddlers up in heaven waiting to slide down a big chute to their mommies and daddies. I am picturing Ben up there right now, he already has his wings, talking to his little sister and brother about what the world is like and telling them how lucky they are to have such great parents. Maybe he will even be the one who gets to push them down the big chute one of these days.

[Paul]

Hey Sis,

Your boy was only with us for a very short time, but he will be loved forever.
So proud of my nephew today on his birthday!!

Your family loves you Ben, and you are missed everyday!

Love Uncle Paul

[Anne]

Happy birthday Ben

[Jen/VintageUterus]

Happy birthday, Ben.

Peace be with you, Tertia.

[JenL]

Tertia,
You seem to be a living example of what Kahlil Gibran wrote about Joy and Sorrow:

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
How else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

Peace be with you. Ben will be forever in our hearts.

XOXOXOX

[Carrie Jo]

Paul, you sound as wonderful as my own Uncle Paul *sniff*.

[Michelle]

Tertia,

I've never commented but read your blog religiously. Perhaps you remember me from the IF board at Belly Forever. Anyway, I broke out of lurkdom to tell you I remember the day Ben was born and waited with bated breath through the brief time that was his life for updates, etc. My heart is with you today and I know Ben is with you as well.

Happy Birthday little boy.

[Sandy]

Oh wow. Happy birthday Ben. Your mom is something else, and it sounds like your Uncle Paul is right up there as an amazing person as well. I hadn't visited Ben's site yet, but am so glad I did today, even though it's frigging hard to read through tears!

[Cate]

Tertia--you are the most beautiful and incredibly strong woman. You truly inspire me.

[LPF]

You are an amazingly strong woman. I hope that I can face the challenges in my life with just a measure of your strength. Ben was so very lucky to have had you as his mother and Adam and Kate are incredibly lucky to be meeting you in less than two short weeks.

Happy birthday, Ben. Watch over your little brother and sister forever.

[OliviaDrab]

Tertia. I am crying with you on Ben's birthday. Happy birthday little man.

[Kimberly]

Happy birthday, Ben.

Lovely writing, Tertia.

[Becki]

As my people say, "May his memory be eternal." Love from Michigan to your whole beautiful family, especially Ben, on this day.

[Minna]

Beautiful post Tertia!

Happy Birthday sweet baby Ben! What a brave big brother Adam and Kate have.

much love from Minna

[Faerie]

I am speechless and in awe. Beautiful words. You will be in my heart and in my prayers today.

[projgen]

Happy Birthday Ben.

May Ben's memory be for a blessing, and give you strength.
projgen

[tess]

you are such a wonderful mum, tertia. always.

[Britchick]

Happy Birthday Ben. We share a birthday and I just wanted you to know that I will always take a moment on our special day to remember you and your Mummy.

[Joy]

Happy Birthday, sweet Ben. I have kept you in my memory today as I plod along. I pray you are playing happily somewhere near my lost babies, all of you wrapped in wholeness and peace.

[Dawn]

I just discovered your site through the Blog Awards. I do not even know you but your letter moved me to tears. Happy Birthday, Ben. Your Mom is a very special lady.

[Jody]

Happy Birthday, Ben.

My thoughts are with you, Tertia. I imagine these are bittersweet days.