PTLT’s > DBT’s

I was chatting to Julie yesterday and I realized that we are on the same page as far as our worry quotas are. When your worry quota is full you just have to let go of some things. They don’t go away completely but they can’t take up any more space on the top of the list.

Somehow, in the last week or two, for both of us, DBT’s* have slipped down the list as things like pre-term labour (PTL), closed cervixes and no bleeding from wayward placentas have taken over. To paraphrase Julie “I have got too much to worry about now to spend time having DBT’s”. Obviously movement does help to reassure one somewhat.

It seems to a ‘progression’ of some weird kind. You go from worrying about whether your baby is still alive to whether you can keep him/ her in there long enough to be fully baked.

Now PTL, and worries there of, is a particularly familiar ‘friend’ of mine. We spent a lot of time together in my last pg. I am paranoid about PTL and so am hyper-vigilant about any ‘signs’ that might indicate its presence. Especially as I missed the signs so badly last time. Oh, so that is what a contraction is?

Yesterday was one of those days. My irritable uterus and my surly bladder were in particularly bad moods. My uterus kept tightening the whole day (tightening ute = bad, v v bad). This freaked me out. An irritable uterus can degenerate into PTL if things get out of hand. We don’t want that. At all. Especially now. Babies in January remember.

And to be honest, this is not the best time for me as this is the time I lost Luke. Yesterday I was 21w4d. I lost Luke and my cervix started opening last time at 21w3d. This time last time I was in hospital already.

Anyhow, these things combined sent me off for yet another emergency (i.e. no scheduled appointment) with Dr New. I initially didn’t want to go in case I ‘bothered’ any one but luckily Julie told me to stop being an asshole and go. Sometimes you just need to hear those little words “stop being an asshole, go”.

All was fine. Cervix attractively long and closed. My dear son has his head resting very comfortably on my bladder, lying on his back, legs crossed, feet in the air. I am just going to have to live with the irritable uterus and crotchety bladder. Part comes from having a multiple pg, part comes from me being a retard. That’s ok.

Dr New was fantastic. I am slowly falling in love with him as well. Of course it wont be the same as my first love, HdrH, but Dr New is a good man. He didn’t make me feel stupid at all. He said I was special (and no Laura, he didn’t mean special as in special Olympics or special class) and that we needed to monitor me closely. He was very reassuring.

I said that I needed to come see him once a week. He said “but you will get sick of me”. I said “oh no I wont, half a chance and I will move my bed in your office. In fact that exam table looks very comfy”. He laughed. (When I told my husband this story he said ‘the funny thing is the Dr doesn’t know you are actually being dead serious’. Well the Dr’s laugh was a nervous one).

So I am going to go once a week for a cervix check, and based on that we will decide when to hospitalize me for bedrest. I feel better now. I think I can do once a week. It is also a huge comfort to me knowing that my cervix is being so closely monitored. I can monitor contractions, but I have no idea about what is going on inside. I need help with that. Oh, another Julie suggestion is to ask my co-workers to check for me. I thought about it but decided that as I work with a bunch of techie nerds, they might not know where to start looking. I suppose a diagram and arrows might work. Rather not though.

It doesn’t get any easier does it? The worries just change.

PTLT’s = PTL thoughts
DBT’s = Dead baby thoughts

Comments

[Janine]

Yes, special class, oops, I mean 'weekly visits' sound brilliant. Definitely what you (and all your avid followers) need. Remember that you'll be having Braxton Hicks contractions, so your ute is going to start acting up often now.

[JenL]

Yay! Weekly checks for all of us worrywarts!

I'm right there with ya on changing worries. Now that I can tell she's alive and kicking, I gravitate toward the gestational diabetes, PTL, birth defect thoughts continually. This weeks ultrasound comforted me for about 12 hours.

If it weren't such a long drive, I'd adopt Dr. New

Bless you and your cooperating cervix.

[Sheena]

are you not "JUST.... STOKED!!!!!" ?

Dr New just went up 3 points in my eyes. So happy things are well. Everytime I visit I get butterflies!

{{smooches to A&K}}

[Jess]

Great that you have such an understanding doc - anything that gives some peace of mind is a wonderful thing. I am thinking lots of live, kicking and bawling at the top of their lungs baby thoughts for you:)(And Julie too)

[Susy]

I didn't realize that a hardening uterus at this point in pregnancy is bad. I seem to remember that somewhere in the middle of my second trimester I started noticing that my tummy would get rock hard (little did I know that post-pregnancy, I would never, ever know that feeling again) for a few minutes at a time. The doctor said that as long as I wasn't having "full body experience contractions" that it was perfectly normal (just the body revving up for labor).

Thank GOD for your doctor. He sounds wonderful. And remember, even though you're going to see him once a week, you can still pop in anytime you're freaked out. Just file the mantra "Don't be an asshole, just go..." and pull it out when you're worried about being a pain. Feel free to ask another human to repeat it to you.

[Mollie]

I guess you could make a "flowchart" for your co-workers.

Ugh.

[Emily]

If I had been through what you've been through, I'd have paid the doctor a retainer fee by now so I could just drop in whenever I damn well felt like it and I could care less if they would roll their eyes at the sight of me. I tell all my doctors the same thing when it's obvious I've become an overwrought pain -- just give me a healthy baby and you'll never have to see me again. Sending prayers your way.

[Toni]

I like Dr. New too...

As for Julie's idea...I work with Techy Geeks....they'll definitely be able to help - remember who does all the "internet research" :)

[Laura]

Weekly checks.......ahhhhh......love it!

[Rebekah]

Hey there, Tertia. Just wanted to send you a big 'ol hug full of support tonight. I don't know if there's anything else worth saying when PTL thoughts and other stuff is weighing on a persons heart and mind, so I'll leave it at that, I think. Oh, how 'bout I'm thinking of you and the babies and praying for you guys? =) Much love to you, my friend ...

[Stephanie]

So glad everything was okay yesterday. Dr. New sounds like an awesome guy and I am so glad that they are going to be seeing you every week. You need that reassurance. Glad the DBT's are gone .. I am over alot of mine .. but my loss was much earlier than yours .. and I am not quite to the PTLT's yet. Odds are if this kiddo is anything like my son I may never get those .. with him I never even had a contraction .. the dr. was convinced he was going to be 2 weeks overdue and 11lbs. I had a c-section 3 days before D-day because of preeclampsia (fun stuff I tell ya) and he was 9lbs 1oz. Sending you lots of cupcake keep on baking vibes and lots of prayers that every thing will be different this time!!!