English Lesson 1.2*

*I’ve decided that I can’t speak on behalf of our imperial colonialists, my beloved Brits. I can’t pretend to be British, even though we speak their version of English. Instead this will be an attempt to demystify non-American English to my dear friends, the Americans.

How to pronounce naff:

This is difficult cos you Americans tend have this tendency to drawl out your ‘a’s. Like ‘staff’ is pronounced ‘staaff’ there, here we pronounce it ‘starf’. And arsehole is pronounced as you spell it, ARSE-hole. Not ass-hole.

Naff is pronounced as you spell it, no drawing out of the ‘a’, even if you come from Texas.

Now for the word ‘wanky’. Wanky is a derivative of wanker. (Wanker is a v cool word to use.) In fact dorky is an excellent synonym for wanky.

Both men and women can be naff. Naff women are those women who act differently around men, they tend to giggle a lot and act all helpless. That’s totally naff. And actually v irritating.

Camilla is naff, although……. she did steal her man from someone younger and prettier than her, so even though she dresses v naff, she is actually quite damn clever, even if her taste in men sucks.

Lots of baby things are naff. Those shiny suits with the fake bow ties etc are very naff. That’s not cure, that’s just naff.

And oh lordy, maternity outfits are very naff, well especially here. They do naff dungaree thingies and dresses with naff bows and frills. You look like a over-grown, swollen, little girl with a beer belly.

Hope this clears naff up for you.

Comments

[OliviaDrab]

I am giggling over here. But not the helpless naff giggling. Just your average "that's damn cool" giggling.

You know I am going to use that word, naff, over and over today, right?

[Stacey]

British slang makes absolutely no sense. But I love it. How do they come up with this stuff? ;)

[Tracy]

Well, since we *do* spell it "asshole," I think I'll continue to pronounce it that way, thankyouverymuch. :-D

[KathyH]

So if staff is pronounced "starf" then is naff pronounced "narf"? Not "naaaaff" (with a strong midwestern US nasal twang)but "nahff"?

Can I say "That's a naffy maternity outfit" or "She dresses naffly"?

Still confused and signing up for BE 1.3 :)

[buttercup]

So, if something is supremely naff, can it be "naff-tastic?"

[persephone]

I'm not a giggler but I'm beginning to strongly suspect I might be a bit of a naff.

But you are a naff for associating with me, so there. :)

[Summer]

In the interest of full disclosure, let me reveal that I am a US citizen, a native of our nation's capital, but I did my MA in London. I lived in SE London, and to this day, I can still understand every word on EastEnders. I picked up most colloquialisms pretty quickly (really, how hard is it to understand "naff" or "brilliant"?) but the one word that mystified me was "anorak". My friends tried valiantly to explain to me just why it was bad to be called a puffy jacket, but it never quite made sense.

I've got to back up Tracy, too. "Asshole" and "arsehole" are two different words. Americans don't use "arse", unless one is very drunk and putting on a naff English accent. Sometimes we just don't use the same words, even though we're technically speaking the same language. Take "aluminum", for example. My British friends gave me acres of grief when they heard me say "ah-loo-min-um". They insisted it was pronounced "ah-loo-min-ee-yum"... but it is spelled differently in British English. They shove an extra "i" in there somewhere. I wasn't wrong, just different. And maybe an anorak.

[cheryl b.]

None of the British slang is nearly as good as Julie's "jesus gay", I say that all of the time.

[Mia]

I'm with KathyH above, needing further clarification on pronunciation of said word "naff" (and very likely remedial Tertia English Lesson 1.0).

When I think of a brit saying "staff", it sounds like it would rhyme with the American word "cough". So using that assumption - wrong though it may be - does "naff" also rhyme with American "cough".
Noff?

Knowing I am naff for even having to ask this, perhaps even anorak...

Mia (mee-ah)

[alix]

thanks!

I asked a popoular NYC parenting board about 'naff' (URBANBABY.COM - toddler board)

quote..

me: Are any of you familiar w/ the expression: "naff" - 09/27/04

yes it's the english version of white trash - 09/27/04

No. English WT are Chavs. - 09/27/04

"Nope" - 09/27/04

yes? - 09/27/04

Yes, British/Australian for tacky - 09/27/04

no - 09/27/04

I think I get it? But, is it Naff (like Staff) or Naff like (serf)?

Alix

[Laura]

Coming from Canada, I'm all about the extra "U" but somehow naff isn't often used over here. Although we seem to be famous for "No doot aboot it!"

[Amy]

I read the post(s) and the comments, and I still don't get it!! Is it naff, like staff, or as Mia asked, naff, like cough??!! I never knew I was this slow!! Help Tertia!

[Mia]

Tertia's over there just shaking her head and wondering why she even bothered trying to educate us naff-heads.

Hey - can we rip off your word and just kind of twist it to suit our own needs?
Because jesus gay, I need MORE WORDS.

[Moxie]

Oh, Alix, put down the mouse and back slowly away from urbanbaby! The toddler board is the most timewastingly addictive place on the internet. How many hours have I billed my freelance boss for time spent pretending to know about IB salaries and Prada diaper bags on that site. I've got to turn off the computer now or I'm going to go there (after 3 months on the wagon).

[Laura]

Did I detect a comment on the speech if us Texans?? Huh??

I love "naff"!

I am going to start using it. But is it naff as in naff? Or is it naff as in narf? Or Naff as in cough?

Just in case Tertia hears me.....