Things I wish could exist.

If the world was a little more to my liking, the following things would exist.

1. Blue toenails when pregnant

I originally had blue fingernails down but that might be too public. What would happen is that the minute your embryo implanted, your toenails would turn bright blue. You would then know immediately that you were pg and you would not have to stress the rest of the two weeks. The color will stay bright blue unless your embie/fetus dies, in which case your toenails will cease being blue straight away. There will never be any doubt, there will never be any false positives or false negatives. And you wont have to wake up every morning wondering if your baby has died.

2. Pain barometer

There are two versions, the physical pain barometer and the emotional pain barometer. It works like those kiddie temperature strips that you stick on their foreheads. The reason why I want this is that I am sure people don’t really believe how hard infertility is, emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc. I want to be able to stick a Pain Barometer on my forehead and say here, look, it’s a bloody 9.2 on the pain barometer, doesn’t get much worse than that. Maybe people will believe us then.

The physical pain barometer I want because I am sure that I really do feel pain more than others. My husband says I am a nerd and a wimp. But it really does hurt, when I stub my toe/get flicked with a towel by him etc, promise. Or at least I will finally know that I am over reacting. It will tell you that your headache is a 8/10 and his headache is only a 5/10 and you will know that all along you were actually worse off.

3. Automated food generator

This will be a concept something similar to a smoothie machine. I hate cooking and can’t cook, but I know I have to eat nutritious, healthy meals. So what I would like is a machine where you throw in the appropriate raw ingredients and out pops a tasty, wholesome meal, not mush but proper stuff. Actually, maybe I just need a cook at home. And a whore in the bedroom for my husband, ok not that.

4. A pause button

I have always wished I had a pause button on my world remote. I’d like to pause today for an hour or so and have a nap at work. I’d like to be able to choose who gets to be active with me when the rest of the world is paused. Imagine what fun you could have with no one watching!

5. A rewind and erase button

I regret very little in my life, but there are some stupid things I have done in my past that I wish I had never done. I wish I could rewind and erase those things.

Mostly now all I wish for is being able to lie in my bed, read a good book, without having my glasses poke into the side of my head and shift across my face while lying down, the warm winter sun pouring in the window, with some tomato chips and dip along side me. Maybe the rest of the world can pause while I am busy resting. Oh that and winning the lottery.

Comments

[Janine]

6. And for total introverts like moi: an invisible button that you can hit, either to make yourself invisible when you don't feel like talking to people, or to make people like your boss disappear when they're just plain annoying.

[Julia]

What? No fast-forward button?

[Ellen]

I'm with you on the food thing. I've always said that if there was a Food Pill, where you could be full and get all your nutrients for the day without having to eat, I'd take it and be a happy camper.

[Danae]

I agree with Julia. If you had a fast-forward button, you could zoom ahead to make sure all turns out well, and then rewind back so you can actually enjoy life without worry. Fabulous idea!

By the way, you've already won an LP. What more could you possibly want?

[patricia]

Very, very good. I can't decide which I like best, the cook or the pain barometer. I have been thinking I could use my own personal PCOS chef lately, so if I had to choose one that would be it.

[jen]

I'm so on board the pain barometer. I really need to convince my husband and my boss that when something painful happens to me, it hurts me MUCH MUCH MUCH worse than it would hurt if the same thing happened to either of them. I can't help it that I have a low pain threshold, people! I'm not making it up! We definitely need this.

[Mandy]

Where do I sign up?

[Anne]

I'm in big need of a pause button myself, either that or I need to move to Spain. Siesta anyone? (and it's not even lunch time here, ha!ha!zzzzzz ...)

[Kris]

I really reallly really like the blue toenail idea. If only it could truly happen. Sigh. Though I would make mine orange. lol.

[cheryl b.]

Oh to not have my glasses poke me in the head.

[Rbelle]

Awesome! I want a pain barometer also. I think the blue toenails are an absolute must!

[Sam]

Wishing you blue toenails, baby.

[Sam]

Wishing you blue toenails, baby.